I have a difficult relationship with my mom. Maybe even a non-existing one. When I barely turned 18, I found out I was pregnant. I told my mom on Christmas day and she threw me out of the house. I went from home to home while I was pregnant because I didn't have a steady place to stay. I was resentful she did that to me. During my pregnancy, I was a victim of domestic violence from the father of my baby. I had to get a restraining order against him. I left him when I was 6 months pregnant. The best decision I have ever made was leaving him. I was broke, depressed, and had a complicated pregnancy. I worked retail up until I gave birth. My mom didn't reach out to me to help or wonder what was going on with me. She said that I deserved to be treated bad by the father and that one day he was going to take my baby away. I put myself through college and finally started making money when I was 24 years old. I am now financially stable and my mom is financially struggling. I resent my mother very much for putting me through what I went through. I don't see her the same. She threw me out and as well as her unborn grandchild. To this day, has never said sorry or acknowledged what I went through or what she did to me. I feel that throwing me out of the house like she did, she was setting me up for failure. I needed her more during that time and she wanted nothing to do with me. I am also very mad at my family. Why didn't anyone stand up to my mom and say "HEY! This isn't right to do this to your pregnant daughter!" now at the age of 31 I am getting therapy to help with my past trauma and the anxiety I get around my mother. She is oblivious to the fact that she upsets me. I pity her sometimes because I want to yell at her about what I am feeling, but I might just give her a heart attack with my dark words.
She is now 72 and I see what type of person she is. Narcissistic and manipulative. She would ask me for money and make me feel bad if I didn't give it to her. I wouldn't realize until after the fact that she just manipulated me. With Therapy I can pin point when she is doing it in real time. She refuses to apply for social security benefits or Medicare because of some stupid belief they will take her home. She would rather ask me for money from me than get her retirement benefits she deserves. I feel used. She didn't care about me when I was financially struggling and working my butt off to get on my feet!! Why should I care about her!! During my years of struggling, her solution when we starting talking again after my baby was born (I reached out to her) was to take the baby away from me. She said that I was too young to care for a baby. She was going to try and file papers to take my baby away from me. I wasn't a bad mom. I was just a young mom struggling to make ends meet. Little did I know when I got older that the reason she wanted to take my baby away was because she would get some type of military or disability benefits for the baby from my dad. It was about money and still is!!
I try to limit my contact with her. When she calls and I see her name on my caller ID I get anxious and sometimes re-traumatized by her. We don't have a relationship so all she has is to ask me for stuff. Buy her this, get her a new phone, or buy her medicine. Fake herbal medicine BTW. Stuff you get at the swap meet or some weird online sites. She doesn't have health insurance to go to a real doctor because like I said she is afraid the government will take away her home.
After all these years and finally getting the help I need all I want is my mom to leave me alone and take care of herself. Is that so bad?! I will talk to her on my own terms, not when she wants to ask me for something. I feel like I'm only useful to her because I am making money and she wants her piece of the pie. I guess I am just ranting here. It is hard sometimes to take care or feel something other than resentment as she ages. She will need more care