Trapped into caring for grandma. How do I get out?

wow.....I would never put the burden of caring for my own mom to my son or my nephews.
I hope you find the assistance you need.

Oh my.. I didn't realize you were a 22yr. old boy. Sweetheart, I have several children around your age. You are an incredible person to take on this burden, it's not right! This is the supposed to be a very special time of your life. You have been very strong, I wish I could grab you, hug you and help you. I know my son's would never have been able to wade through this mess life thrown on your plate, it should be pizza's, not grandma. It's only temporary, we will help you on this site, give us time, keep sharing so we understand more...

I live in Florida, and I think we have pretty much the same rule about assuming responsibility for an impaired person. I think the penalty for deserting her would depend on what happens. If she dies because of not being properly fed or given liquids, or medical needs being left unattended, you could go to jail. It's happened in my state. I think it's totally unfair because family caregivers often have no control over whether the patient eats or drinks or is willing to see a doctor, yet the consequence of failure could be criminal liability.

That being said, I don't understand why she can't afford a nursing home if she's eligible for Medicaid. Nursing homes that accept Medicaid have to accept whatever Medicaid pays them. At least that's my understanding. Maybe California has different rules - hopefully somebody who's familiar with those will speak up.

Good luck. I don't blame you at all for wanting to get out. It's not a life for a young person, or really any person, to do unaided.

"Abandonment—desertion of a vulnerable elder by anyone who has assumed the responsibility for care or custody of that person."

I due to hospital visits and my being here with her 24/7 am designated as the person who assumed the responsibility.

Who is it who is telling you that you are responsible for her?

I am male. And yes i don't think she much likes it. Ill be sure to do that. thank you. And physically her only ailments are bad kidneys(restricted diet) and her stroke tht involves some motor skill issues. The rest of it is part early dimentia and part simply not helping me all the way down to lifting her from seat to seat.

When you look into nursing homes, make sure they are ones that accept Medi-Cal. They should help you do whatever it takes to get her eligible. You didn't say what her health issues are. I know I would rather live in a nursing home than have my grandson (he's 23) be responsible for bathing me and cleaning my bottom. I am thinking from the way you write that you are male, if you're not, please excuse the assumption. Anyway, I wish you good luck with your phone calls tomorrow.

Yeah im only 22 so i don't get whole process, but her kids are gone, its mainly just me, the few homes ive contacted say her medicaid covers $2000 her ssi adds $1000 but they still 5 more from family. Its just impossible. Im gonna call some family and APS tomorrow n see what i can do. Thanks guys

I don't understand why she couldn't be admitted into a nursing home as a private pay pending approval of Medicaid? That is pretty common and seems to be the usual way.

You say that cops and social workers are constantly accusing you of elder abuse, who is calling them? What type of abuse are you accused of and how is it that she is left in your care? I don't get it.

Legal status as caregiver notwithstanding, call one of your relatives or call all of your relatives and tell them what you have told us. If you want and have email addresses, send a global email to everyone at once. Tell them in no uncertain terms, do not pussyfoot around, that Granny is in danger and needs somewhere to go, that you can no longer be responsible for her care. Tell them that you will give them 24 hours to contact you or you will take her to the ER and leave her there.

Granny does not deserve to live out her life in the care of someone who is abusing her, no matter what the family history may be. Making her a ward of the state would be better.

Kudos to you for recognizing your limitations. Please follow up with finding alternative care for Granny. Your family members may not have taken you seriously in the past, so make sure they do now. Good luck with this and whatever you decide to do with your newfound freedom.

OK. I have never heard of that. You are not even next of kin. Where are her children?

Hang on. Someone will post that is familiar with CA.

That would work except my being legally bound. The state of CA because of my volentary services in caring for my grandma have designated me her caregiver and so anything bad that happens to her falls on me. And due to a very fast process of failure in health, and no support of family members, im now stuck doing 24/7 care. Showers meals and she doesnt make it easy for me what so ever

I think that I would call 911 and have her transported by ambulance, to the hospital. Then, refuse to pick her up. How are you legally bound? I don't understand that part.