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Hi Good Folks, I am transgender female to male for many years and while I am most blessed and very fortunate to still have my parents alive, it is difficult to deal with doctors, housekeepers, home nurses because they still call me a girl.

Thankfully they will on occasion refer to me as their son, but it sure is a difficult situation when they don't. I am 6' tall, big build without being fat, flat chest, full beard and very deep voice.

They both take Aricept and Amenda and are doing pretty well. My Dad is 86 and Mom is 85. They are dear, sweet people. They still live in their home alone. My girlfriend and I are both good cooks and we bring them healthy home -cooked meals several times a week, which we are glad to do. They won't go to the community Senior Center for lunch even though we have offered to go with them.

I mow their lawn and do yardwork, handyman chores even if it interferes with my work. My Mom had two miscarriages before me (I am firstborn) and took a lot of drugs which no one knew the consequences of, no doubt, in 1957 in order to have a live baby.

It just hurts me when they call me a girl, and people look at them like they are totally cuckoo, plus it just stresses me out. I know it is hardest for family to accept and I have patience with them but it is hard.

Anyone else in this situation?

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Congratulations on your honesty and transition. I have to agree with JeanneGibbs in regards to Alzheimer's/dementia. It is not unusual for Alz/dementia patients to confuse genders thinking a female child is their brother or uncle. I know it is hard to not take it personal but considering the Alz/dementia I would let it go. I know it is important to you to be recognized and accepted for who you are by your parents but because of your parents illnesses don't expect them to understand all the time because they are going to switch back and forth between the here and now, and the past. As far as the dr. and nurses who knew you as a female and now you are inroducing yourself as a male, gently tell them, I am not Melissa anymore I am Melvin and I would appreciate it if you would address me as such. Don't be nasty about it and remember it is not just a transition for you but for those who knew you as a female before. So what if people look at your parents as though they are cuckoo, just go with the flow, in time everyone will realize what is what. Good luck!!
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I don't think I'm following you. Who calls you a girl? Surely not the nurses, etc. who are meeting you for the first time ... ? Is it your parents who do this? Have they always done this? I suppose they thought of you as a daughter for many years before you became their son. With dementia often the memories of long ago are more present and real than current reality. Those of us caring for elders with dementia all experience it to some extent. Your situation is more dramatic, because the difference from long ago and now is more dramatic. That your parents are confused about your gender does not necessarily mean they don't accept it ... they just may not remember it from time to time!

I am sorry this is painful to you. Can you possibly find some humour in this, and laugh it off? Whether it is painful or funny is up to you. You can't control your parents, but you can control your attitude.

Good luck!
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