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I appreciate this community so much. It's been so helpful. I am only child married with no kids. I live in IL, both mom and dad are in Memory care in FL. They both have various health challenges. Dad has recently been diagnosed with Parkinson's. They have been married for over 60 years and are very attached to each other. I have been frequently flying for over a year now to FL to handle various medical urgencies. As you can imagine it's costly and my spouse is getting tired of the frequency and length of time away. At end of the day I would like to move them to IL. They have no financial means, only Medicare and Medicaid. Sadly, as you know Medicaid does not transfer from state to state. I need an advocate in Chicago that can help me navigate through this transition. I get pointed to the Chicago Dept of Aging but that is a complex web of Internet information. In FL, I had the good fortune to have a good resources to help with the process. I asked them but they do not have equivalent resources in Chicago. Sorry for the long story but any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

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Hmmm….I'm going to approach this from another perspective, so what's the backstory with hubs? Why is he unhappy with the situation….is your priority all about your parents? Was there set retirement plans for you two that have been shot because you have to be all "a la minute" for your folks? Is this about $? What's with his parents?
Is it more about time away from him & if so would moving your parents to Chicago really change this? It is likely that having them in Chi just becomes more of an irritant as now your going to see them 2 -3 times a week, every weekend and they are calling you all the time cause after all your all in the same city….

Dealing with establishing residency and a new Medicaid application for Illinois can be done but I'd be concerns that moving them doesn't solve hubs issues with you & your parents.

If they are in a facility right now, why are you going in several times a year to handle medical emergencies? If this memory place is more custodial care, then perhaps they need to be in skilled nursing care so that all aspects of their care is co-ordinated at the NH. Have you looked into getting them into a higher level of care? So that you do not need to go to FL to deal with medical issues.

Prioritizing your marriage & spouse over your parents is hard for many to do.
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There are many things to consider, plan, etc. I hope someone who has done it will chime in here. Of course, the Medicaid and transportation are the top issues, imo. I think I might find an attorney to help on the Medicaid. Medicaid varies by state. I'd explore how it applies to them in your state. Have you selected a Memory Care facility yet? Have you discussed it with their admissions?

I think I would read some comments from others who have gone through this. I hope you will get some.
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I think Sunny raises some very good points. I'm in a similar situation with aging parents 600 miles away. Dads next stop will probably be memory care and mom to assisted living and then skilled nursing care. It's hard to predict.

I can't imagine dealing with the logistics of moving them near me. Add the fact that they are classic, stubborn, won't agree to anything old people.

I make the drive when needed. I know as this progresses it will be more often and for longer periods. But once we're to the point of advanced dementia where they no longer recognise me and they are in care facilities I'm not sure it would make much difference if I visited frequently.

There is no one but me as caregiver and I don't mean to sound cold hearted, but my folks have made each and every issue so difficult for me that my give-a-damn meter is reading a lot lower these days.
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Gratefullt they can fly, still recognize me, people and each other. Dad wants to move back to Chicago. They took early retirement and moved from Chicago to FL. It would be easier for all of us to be in same location. I cannot move to FL
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That's really tough Lola. Both of your parents who are in their 80's, in Memory Care with substantial health problems. It would take a lot for me to move them across the country. Even if I could get the Medicaid worked out, I can't envision doing it. There are so many drawbacks. One issue would be the cost for their transportation. Who would cover that? Are they able to fly? Do they need medical attention while flying? Sometimes relocation is not a bad idea, but based on what you describe.....I might have to leave them where they are and just reduce the visits and hire someone in their area to monitor their condition. I would then have to call more send cards, etc. Do they recognize you at this point?

I did recently read on this site that a lady retained an attorney to gather all of the documents, prepare Medicaid application and submit for review. I think I would consult with an attorney if I decided to go that route. Of course, that would be an out of pocket expense from you. They don't likely have the funds to afford that kind of thing if they are on Medicaid.

I'm sure you'll get other responses. Opinions differ on this kind of thing. I normally support relocating, if there is a good reason. It basically comes down to weighing the benefits versus the negatives.
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