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My mother is in Hospice at home. My stepfather is caring for her. They abused me most of my life. I recently tried helping them for 20 months but their abuse became too much and my health was suffering so I cut them off: no visits & blocked their #s. Even the Hospice social worker agreed it was a good idea. Now they're having my 2 step sisters contact me by phone & text. These are 2 step sisters I typically have no contact with, they're not in my life at all and like my parents, I never considered them caring or allies or trustable. They're cloaking their snooping by leaving messages like, Oh, we're calling to check on you. It comes off like I'm the weird, flaky irresponsible one who just disappeared. It's eating at me, I wish they'd just leave me alone. Any contact with them opens the door for dialogue to get me back in with a guilt trip... Mom's asking for you.

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Zki, I'm going to guess that what is upsetting you is the fact that Joann suggested seeing a mental health professional.

I was quite old when I found out that it's not crazy people who seek therapy. It's the people who live with the crazy people who seek therapy to grow and to mitigate the damage and toxic side effects of having grown up in an abusive environment or been in an abusive relationship.
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anonymous1028824 May 4, 2020
No, that's not it Barb, I just find it kinda creepy that someone would go in and track the # of times I posted, then analyze my content then offer advice like they're a professional psychoanalyst in a confrontational manner under the cloak of being helpful. "You posted 4x since March 2nd.." "You need to get to the root.." I actually think she enjoys telling vulnerable people what's wrong with them & then spewing an RX.
Most people here have been nothing but nice and compassionate and that's really all I wanted. I don't find that to be the case with her. I will never post here again. Farewell.
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Have you actually spoken to them, or are you interpreting how they feel about you from their messages?

I would let their messages go unanswered if you are comfortable with your decision to walk away.

Don't get sucked back in. Some people just seem to need to start drama to distract themselves from the emptiness of their lives. You got out.

Stay out!
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Zki,

You have posted 4x since March 2. Pretty much the same thing everytime with a number of responses. Probably some from people who have been in your shoes. No problem in "venting". We welcome it. Sometimes it helps to just write what you feel down. But for you its been two months. In posts you say 5 siblings have walked away. They walked away for a very good reason. You have to ask yourself why is it so hard for you? Are your hoping that Mom will change and say "I love you". It won't happen. Your Mom probably doesn't know how to love. And it doesn't seem that the knowledge that she is dying has made her look at herself. If you believe in Heaven, then she is going to meet her maker and have to justify her choices in life. Let the stepsisters take care of their father and in turn your Mom. Seems he didn't mistreat them or they wouldn't be involved.

In all your posts you say the word "vulnerable". Well weren't you too when they beat you. What goes around comes around and this is their "come around". You need to find out why ur other siblings found it easy to walk away and not look back and you seem not to be able to do it.
Call the SW who told you it was OK to walk away. Ask if she can put you in touch with a therapist to help you work thru this. There are clinics that charge on scale. Maybe even ur health insurance will help with the cost.

Keep coming back and tell us how you are doing. You may help someone else in the same boat..
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anonymous1028824 May 3, 2020
I wonder if you realize how rude your post is..
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Ya know how fish don't get caught? They don't take the bait.
Be like the fish that doesn't get caught.
If you are in contact with the Hospice Social Worker you can get information from her/him and that can be the "go between" for you and your mom. Make sure she has your contact information. If the Hospice has an app like the one I used with my Husband, they had a program called TapCloud and you can get and give information in a secure way but you could check on how mom is doing and not have contact with the rest of the family.
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Geaton777 May 3, 2020
Grandma, the social worker can't legally pass on any of their information unless the OP is their medical representative. Also I wouldn't ask the social worker to be any type of family go-between as this is not their job and puts them in an awkward position. You could do it with your husband because you probably were legally able. Not so in this situation.
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Zki,
Are you going to allow a few texts and phone calls knock you off
a very wise, well thought out path, you chose for yourself to be healthy and survive?

Keep walking strong.
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anonymous1028824 May 3, 2020
Thank you for your kind helpful comment.
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I would return one call from them and give them the opportunity to inform you of something, but if they start asking you questions give them very vague answers like, "Everything's fine, thank you for asking" and just keep repeating that. Wish them well and maybe take the opportunity to clarify when you do wish to be contacted, such as if the parents are interested in apologizing to you or to be notified of a death in the family. Request only detailed voicemail. Or don't even go down that path. Who cares if they think you're the "flakey" one? Put up (and keep up!) boundaries. Stop caring what other people think of you, as this will wind up ruling your thoughts and behaviors and is destructive. I wish you peace in your heart as you move on with your life to find joy!
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anonymous1028824 May 3, 2020
What is OP
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I am so sorry you are going through this. I am going through the same thing with my family right now. I had to make a choice, my health and sanity over caring what people thought about me. I was the hardest thing I ever had to do but I came back home, started therapy twice a week and worked through my issues. I'm still a work in progress but I learned I am not the bad person for walking away and saving myself. It's called self love and there is nothing absolutely nothing wrong with that. Save yourself. Your family will just have to deal with their issues and come to some kind of peace on their own. I truly believe when people pass they get to review their life here on earth and understand how they made people feel while they were here on earth. Good, bad, happy or sad they will see it all. Then and only then will they realize the depth of their damage. We cannot make people see what they refuse to see. Praying for you as I know your pain all to well. God bless.
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I guess no one is reading previous posts. OP was beaten by her parents and kicked out. Now they want her to care for them. We all know that an abused child should NEVER take care of the abuser.

Zki, is your only phone a cell? If so block ur Ssisters. You will never know if they called or not. Same with emails and Facebook. BLOCK THEM
If its a landline, if your phone doesn't block, there are some out there now that do.

Let the stepsisters do for them. You have walked away for a very good reason. You will never change your Mom at this point. For yourself, forgive her and move on. Please, don't get drawn back in. I would not answer texts or even call them once.

If you live in the same town, I may consider moving. If you do, don't leave a forwarding address. Not even with the PO. When I changed Moms address to mine, all the junk mail followed because they were able to get Moms new address. PO told me it was the utility people. I called them and they said it was not them.
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Sendhelp May 5, 2020
JoAnn,
It has been my experience that the caregivers who care the most for a stranger's struggles do go back to get an idea of how to help that person. If they have time. Then, devoting themselves to following up is another benefit that is offered to the OP.

Not everyone is appreciative becoming known.
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Zki, who do you think is being rude? We are trying to support you.
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I did not mean to be rude and I am sorry if I came across that way. I just feel that maybe you need some one on one with a professional to help you get to the root of why you feel you need to help these abusive people.

You are not just your mother's child you are a person with feelings. You deserve respect. You need tools that you can help u when dealing with people like ur mother. We can be sympathetic and give suggestions but you have to learn to stand up for yourself. You have years of abuse u have to work thru. A trained therapist can help you work thru this.
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anonymous1028824 May 3, 2020
I'd really prefer u not comment any more on my posts.
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