Follow
Share

I am living with my sick 82yr old father all alone. My two sisters literally hate me, and always have even long before dad got sick. They always accused me of being the "favorite" which is somewhat true, especially with my mother who died at the age of 46 on my 26th birthday! I am 52, and they are 50 and 42!!!! Imagine women of this age behaving this way? My mother was the glue of the family keeping things barely together when she was alive. After she passed they came at me with a vengeance. Over the years I tried everything I could to try to win their love, but no matter what I tried it was never enough. They both called me when they needed my creative help. I am an artist, and am multi talented. Everytime they needed me I'd jump thinking it was an opportunity to win them. I am disabled, and was born that way. I can get around, but not without a lot of pain. Through years of therapy I now understand that there will never be that fantasy bond I yearned for all those years, and am just fine with that. When dad passes I will not contact them at all. My door will always be open with love, not service but love should they have an epiphony, but I will not seek it ever again. I now understand that they live in unhappy lives of hell. They almost never come to visit our father, and when they do are chomping at the bit to leave. When we do have to be in each others presence though they are like a mean gang of vicious cheerleaders, even bringing their spouses into the attack. My father wears his rose colored glasses of denial, and their torture goes on right under his nose. I have told him why I go out often when I know they are coming over, but he accuses me of being hateful to them!!!!!!! The one daughter who loves him, and cares for him daily with absolutely no support he blames!!!! I have tried to tell him the truth, even going as far as to take him to one of my therapy appointments, but has gone back to his own beliefs. I, and my therapist have repeatedly tried to get together to work things out if for nothing else but the happiness of my father. My therapist has called each of them four times and requested family meetings, and I have asked at lease six or seven times. We have been met with firm "no's". Still my father blames me of not forgiving them!!!! I have in fact forgiven them, and am able to see them as hurt little girls. My major problem here is that I have been living in a negative toxic environment for five long years now with no real escape. Because there is no one else who would share his care I am stuck in hell here. I have no spouse with me to help either so I am completely alone. I do go out when I can, but know it is only a bandaid, and I'll have to go home to my prison of hatred. Prior to my fathers illness I did not see much of them. I was able to avoid their negative presence, and only surrounded myself with the light of wonderful friends and my horses. I gave up my last horse two years to be here for my father. I gave up my freedom for him, and they both know I would never leave. He has no dementia, and does go out when he feels well. The nature of his illness is not that of a bed ridden dying man even though he is dying...slowly. He cannot however do any shopping, cleaning or cooking, and has frequent falls, bleeds from dialysis and has mini heart attacks and mini strokes. I have to call 911 at least once every two months. His Dr. said he's like a house of cards, and the least little thing could kill him at any time. He has come close to dying several times from different things, and has already way outlived what his Dr.'s expected with his numerous fatal diseases. How do I deal with this situation which is making me age rapidly, and physically and emotionally very sick? Even the one person who I never thought would turn on me, my father, has. I just want to leave, and see how the two selfish grudge holders would manage doing my job! Any suggestions? I really do need solutions that do NOT include a nursing home. I would NEVER do it, and he does not need that type of care. Thanks all for reading this loooooooong diatribe! LOVE and LIGHT

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Hi End,
I have somewhat of a similar story to you. I'm an artist also, eldest of siblings.
I had tons of responsibilities place upon me as a kid because of this, and my parents worked all the time. Even though this was the set up, I was not either of their chosen one. My sister became my dad's. My mom, had her own sister who she was so bonded up to, and mom really seems to have always also favored my sis & two bros. We've the gender thing big time in our family. But yes the similarity I find here in my situation to yours, is that no matter what, when certain people are favored, it's very unfair the invalidation we feel on account of this. But yes in your case your father is not acknowledging the sacrifices made by yourself. This dynamics he has in place, of w/your other siblings is complete denial by him, I know this story it's happened to me. My dad w/have completed 11 yrs. gone this March. After he passed I knew immediately by the things going on in my family unit that I'd not been selected, nor designated to play a major role in any of my mom's eventually declining health (she has Alzheimer's). My sister is designated driver in this area. She lives there w/her, etc. My sister is oh so capable, and takes care of bs. on this end. But truth be told she's a big control freak. I visit, and have relieved her, here and there. But I've been moral support to her, and do other leg work, say like get info. about mom's condition. But anyway reason I brought all of this up, is that I read that your dad sounds pretty mobile, I mean if he can still tend to himself and drive. This is great! So please, it's a good idea that you get out, socialize, during his independence. Yes, and if it's a sandwich, when it's time to eat, rather than spaghetti bolognesa, well that's what it is. I think sometimes we as family members have to remember to put the brakes by overly demanding people also.
My sister has recently been in this situation, also w/mom's sister, who was a very difficult person. So sis has been in charge of mom & the sister (she died a week ago), RIP. Now I won't go into her story, because one could write a new Rocky Horror Movie about that. But e.g., my sister in the beginning of doing caregiving was making all these involved menus for them, but each and every time my mom's sister would very nastily say, she didn't like it, couldn't eat it, etc. Finally, this became less as my sis finally realized she couldn't do it all and ultimately had to put some more caregiving in place. I finally told my sister, "you must stop setting yourself up in terms of allowing our aunt to behave as if she was at a restaurant and like my sister was supposed to be her waitress. Mom never has given her this problem. She's really low maintenance. But anyway, I was just wondering whether your dad is in a situation, also that he can have someone come in and cook for him. Anyway, these are things for you to consider, especially as he advances in age. Oh! and I totally get it, about family who doesn't behave like family. One of our brothers acts like this, just interested in the elders money, or what they may leave for him & his kids. They who hardly ever have lifted a finger to come and REALLY do some of the work involved when it comes to elder care! O.K., I hope I made you laugh, this is real big w/me, the humor thing. A super big hug, Love & Light, Margeaux
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Woot you do it...I learn to ignore them and I do not care what either half thinks anymore ...I am too busy taking care of my husband and children....I try to help but cuz I am open and see or like read ppl speak the truth...i live with shafted end and the name calling; being accused of being insensitive....why do our parents raise us if there is only one they cherish above others or 2...why do we have to compete just to be recognized were grown ups and capable taking on the same toll and struggle that parents did but in even more depressing aspects. I battle depression and grief over a family member and normal depression due to the stress I have been since my husband lost his job and got his ssdi and I have been looking and looking for work and then I recieve a letter from our case manager stating that I can be terminated at any time...That doesnt make me happy but i have to get that signed and mailed asap...I have to get dinner started so the kids can go to bed and I can see what hubby needs are and get ready to fax my timesheet on Monday so I can get another check ...Peace n God Bless
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Great, RLP! Praying for your continued success and peace. xoxo
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

I have found the last few answers interesting due to the way they indicate so many of us are going through the same experiences. I am in counseling that I began to help me lower my stress levels in order to improve my physical health. However, the issues we face as caregivers have been our main discussion topics during sessions. I have learned my counselor has similar sibling issues, too. She and I have decided that the family we create for ourselves is what we are focusing on at this time. We are having minimal contact with people who are energy vampires - people who just wear us out whenever we interact with them. We are nurturing our relationships with people that want to be true friends. I am trying to follow this plan and believe I am a much better caregiver as a result. My mother's anxieties must have fed off my repressed feelings, and I am now sharing minor, non-family concerns with her when I feel like she can give suggestions for a solution. She loves to be needed and frequently shares great solutions. I do not discuss my siblings with her unless I just listen or have something very positive to say. I am just beginning to be able to use these skills and will have to work at this plan. However, I feel more positive about life. I agree with endofmyrope's statement that blood does not make family. I value all of my friends at agingcare!
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Thank you Keysey! Yes, I have real sisters who are blessings. Blood does not make family. Hang in there my sister!
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Hey. Glad to see you found the strength to stand up to your siblings. I have one sister and she is a lot older than me so I never had the sister relationship. One thing I have found is other women, close friends, that fill that longing in me. Maybe you have someone like that? God bless you and I'm so proud of you. Keep on keeping on.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Hi guys,

Sorry it took me so long to reply, but I got sick with a bad cold, and dad was doing especially poorly as well. I am really sorry for all of you who are dealing with this same hell. It totally SUCKS.

A strange thing happened. My middle sister, the most vicious and ringleader, is getting divorced and losing her "McMansion". Her husband was the BEST guy a woman could have. He waiter on her every need and want. He workrd like a dog all day, then came home and did all the cleaning and cooking in this MASSIVE house he bought for her. She does not work, and spent every day shopping, going to salons and having cosmetic procedures including plastic surgeries. Over the last four years she had two nose jobs, two boob jobs, tummy tuck, cheek implants, permanent eyeliner tatooed on her lids, laser resurfacing, and endless botox, lip fillers etc. She spent money faster than this guy could make it. Of course he contributed to their crumbling relatuonship of 18yrs, but in counseling he begged her forgiveness for his part (which wasn't near what she did to him!). She just could never forgive him. She doesn't forgive anyone which is why there was so much trouble with this situation with me as dads caregiver. She blames me for "mom and dad favored you, and it wasn't fair"!!! She dwells on what a "bad life she's had" when in fact she has always been a huge mean trouble maker, and my parents never favored one over all three of us. Well, karma is a cruel, and swift entity. She sadly has zero inner peace, and feels entitled to act it out on everyone.

In the past she'd call and be all sisterly because she needed something; always and only when she needed something from me. I ALWAYS went running foolishly thinking "maybe this will be the thing to bridge the rift". Well, like clockwork as soon as I was done with her bidding I'd be dismissed, and not hear from her till she needed something else. You all must be thinking how stupid I was for not having her "number" a long time ago, but you must understand that my mom died young, and there were only the three of us girls. I desperately wanted that "sisterly closeness and love". Foolish . . . ABSOLUTELY, but I was not enlightened at the time. I was born with many serious disabilities which I still suffer from. These terrible three years have strengthened me incredibly. Of course I also found a superb two years ago who helped me with my post traumatic syndrome going back to age 3 1/2. By learning myself I've been able to see them clearly, and forgive them. The greatest gift though is that I learned how to stand on my own two feet, and need NO ONE to make me feel safe. My sister is completely falling apart, and has no knowledge how to survive on her own. Who has she run to? ME, as usual. I have given her my ear, and even wisdom because that is me. I would give that to anyone who is suffering. The difference is I will never become engrossed in her life, nor try to make her happy or win her love. She is a sad user who just takes, and takes, and takes. Imagine, after 4 years of her vicious treatment of me, and refusing to mend the rift she runs to ME!!!!!!!! That is the behavior of a sad lost 50 year old woman who hates herself. I will always keep my door open to her for she is my sister, as I will the other little stinging "wasp"!

The truth is that the only way to stability and happiness lies right inside us. This Caregiving is such a gift even though it's like hell, but nothing good is free. It is a blessing, and opportunity to really learn who and what you are. It teaches strength beyond what noncaregivers will never know, and we will be greatly rewarded when it's over. Actually, we should all feel rewarded right now fo we are doing Gods work by making out parents comfortable, and safe 24/7. We make sure they have everything they want (within our abilities), and need. We are giving them love every day. Yes we get pissed, tired, depressed, stressed, financially burdened, sacrifice our personal lives etc., but think of the blessing you are to the ones who raised, and gave you the gift of life. I'm proud of every single one of you, and so is "God", or whatever you to be your highes power.

Bitch away here friends. Let it all out to those who "get it". That's what this site is for; venting, sharing, supporting and offering helpful tips to help each other survive it. We're all sharing this painful job called "caregiver". It's a blessing in disguise!

LOVE TO ALL
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

EDDIE IF ONLY I COULD I HAVE TRY SO MUCH TO MOVE ON, BUT I FEEL FOR SO MANY YEARS THAT I HAVE TAKEN CARE OF MY MOTHER THAT ALL THOSE YEARS SEEM TO HAVE BEEN WASTED AS SHE NEEDS ME MORE THAN EVER AND THE SIBLINGS ARE AT THERE WORST AS I SAY IT AS IT IS, AND THEY HATE LISTENING TO THE TRUTH. AFTER SHE IS GONE THERE WILL BE SO MANY TEARS BUT NOT ME AS I WILL HAVE NONE LEFT, I HAVE CRIED SO MUCH. THERE BE NO POINT IN CRYING AFTER SHE IS GONE I KEEP SAYING THIS TO THEM THEY DONT LIKE TO LISTEN TO IT BUT ITS TRUE. IT WOULD HELP IF I HAD FRIENDS BUT IM ALONE I HAVE TRIED EVERYTHING FROM GOING TO CHURCH JOINING ALL SORTS OF GROUPS, BUT CANT ANY CARERS.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

END:

Nancy made great points. If you're always going to get the short end of the stick, why not move on with your life? That is, unless you're bent on getting the last laugh out of this life-long sibling rivalry.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

hi i relate with you so much and feel sorry for you. i have similar problems myself.except my mother lives with my vicious sister in law and i have cared for my mother with the constant travelling back and fro. my siblings are the same as yours. im sitting here with tears running down my eyes as i read. i dont have any friends any more and i hhave stopped trying to get any. i just wished we could all get to together and support each other in a real social way. anyway i will write again. maybe we can meet. though i live in london it would be great if there was a site like this in the uk but i cant find one. any take care of yourself. i have just started after always looking out for my mother first and neglecting myself. no more i will also start looking after myself first. lots of love bye for now xxx
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

I went thru a similar ordeal before I move to Az but the worst of it was my sister trying to talk my husband into allowing her to be his medical power of attorney when I am paying her 500 a month to live in one room of her house yet all the while robbing her husband uncle blind of his disability and spending the money how they want.. I even went out of my way to pay the property taxes for their house and found out they spend the money on walmart like the hit lottery so now I have to remove my sister as beneficiary from my husband's policies and I do not talk to his family much they see me as a gold digger. Continue what your doing what goes around comes around and in the end they will realize how much family means when you won't their hand because they burned the bridges not you. I still talk to my sister but as far as trusting her that is an issue...ur not alone dysfunction is a disease and a growing problem learn to do what makes you happy and take some time out for ur self....even get extra caregiver to help so u can enjoy random window shopping or some other adult conversations so you can learn to let go of the toxicity and find yourself before its too late.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

This really hit a note with me. I am one of four kids, two from each marriage. My little brother (full) and I see eye to eye and my older siblings (half) and I don't see much the same. My dad's diagnosis of MCI and most recently Mild Alzheimer's was met with so much hostility. I live in Florida and my dad lives in Oklahoma. I am his primary caregiver. He lives alone and I have soaked up as much information on the disease, the progression, the potential future, facilities in my area and his, home health care, etc. and so on. My older siblings? Well the obvious answer is that I am making all of this up. When I told them that the diagnosis had changed to Alz my older brother even emailed me asking, "How in the hell did we go from dementia to mild Alzheimer's??" Ummm...I guess there is no way for me to fix that.
Anyways, what really struck a cord with me is that you seem to be in the same situation I finally realized I was in. My older siblings and I (they are 20+ years older) never had a close relationship. We saw one another at the family reunion once a year and my sister and I spoke at major holidays. No big emotional involvement ever. At the ripe old age of 34 I became a long-distance caregiver for my dad. As the years have gone on I have more and more responsibility. My big shock was when I expected them to help me make major decisions. Like when to take away the keys, when to move my dad or hire help, etc. It hurt so bad to get all of the nasty emails. They were both downright nasty when I would ask them if they had talked to Dad recently. I asked because he was constantly asking if I had heard from them and saying he would like to speak to them. One day I got pretty miffed and sent a very blunt message. Not accusatory, blunt. I told them he wanted to hear from them, I asked nothing more than for them to get in touch with him on a regular basis and they agreed, and that when he is gone I will have the peace of knowing I did all I could. Oops!
It took me months to see that the reason I was so hurt was that I expected our relationship to change. We weren't close but I expected them to dive in head first as I had done. Then I recognized that a crisis or diagnosis is no reason for people to change the way they feel about one another. Talk about an epiphony! And from that day until now, I just don't care what they think of me or the diagnosis. I have POA and will make the decisions that need to be made.
I know this was a long response, but I think you should disregard them. Has your dad been tested for memory loss? I'm definitely not an expert but maybe that has something to do with what you describe as a change in how he treats you.
I'm praying you will find the peace I have found regarding my siblings.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

Madge, I was the favorite!!!! That's why I couldn't understand, but I finally figured it out just yesterday. I hope this helps others. Dad always had rocky relationships with my sisters, and even admitted it a while back. I think subconsciously he is trying somehow to make things right by taking sides. He isn't even aware of it, but I really believe that's it. My youngest sister was only 15 when my mom died, and dad was so grief stricken that he was not paying attention to her needs. She became very angry (still is), and becoming rebellious. He didn't even really notice. He was not there at all for her, and her life took a turn that would not have happened had he been there. My middle sister and he never got along...ever. They fought and clashed. He was very verbally abusive to her calling her "stupid" and "dummy". I am the eldest, and was a straight A student and artist. I went to art school in NYC, and ended up in the fashion industry then later the theater. When I moved back to my home state, I seriously got into natural horse training (some call it whispering). Neither sister left or did anything with their lives. They were always jealous, resentful and mean. Top that off with being the obvious "favorite" of both my parents (cruelist thing parents can do) really set up what's going on now. His accusations of me being "hateful" towards them is his own guilt, and feelings of inadequacy. He was always a wonderful man in so many ways, and loved us all so much, but we idolized him in later years and made him some sort of super hero. Now, I'm sure he's feeling anything but a superman, and it's all coming my way. When this epiphony came to me the other day I only felt sorry for all of them. It's so sad really. Still, I will not expose myself to poison. It's bad for me, and I've decided to keep a distance from the venom they spew. I will also ignore him when he goes off on me. I pity him. He does not need to be doing this to himself, but that is for him to figure out. I cannot save him; I can only do my best to care for and love him. Thank you for your kind and generous help! You are an angel, as are we all! LOVE and LIGHT!
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Family dynamics continue long after we are all adults. This is probably just more of the same. I know, I have this with my brother and Mom. he is the favorite even though he does nothing much for her. But that was the way it was when we were children. This is why parents should never play favorites, children can always tell and it never goes away.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Haaaaaaa......! I know, sometimes the drama catches up with me. I do have other things I'm involved in actually. I do natural horse training and teach it too. I can't do much due to my fathers care, but I do get out. I never lived in an atmosphere like this before, and am not used to being surrounded by this kind of toxic energy. Yeah, I've decided to just stick to doing what I need to do for him, and completely remove myself from any involvement with them at all. If my dad gets pissy over it . . . too bad! I am the one here for him, and if he isn't happy with the "service" he can go to another "hotel"!!!!! I'm pretty sure though that he won't be able to get a "reservation"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Haaaaaa... Thanks for the reality check. Sometimes when you go back to live with a parent that old "I'm the child, you're the father" thing comes into play. You find yourself being treated like a 12yr old, and then acting like one. Three solid years of this has made me a bit loopy I think! Thank you so much everyone. It is amazing how having people just listen, and shed some light on things helps. You all helped me get my mind right again! LOVE
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Endofmyrope, if you're looking for permission to ignore your sisters and just concentrate on taking care of your dad, then permission granted. Like you said before, you didn't have much to do with them after your mom died, so just let them go. When your dad accuses you of 'not forgiving' them, you tell him that you have. Period. Don't allow to be sucked into this yo yo thing you have going with him. He has his own demons that he has to deal with, and that's why he's putting it on you. But you already knew that didn't you? So do what you have to do, get out of the house and find a good church somewhere, and get involved in something other than the drama that you can't fix. Life is too short. You know what they say, 'you can pick your nose, you can pick your friends, but you can't pick your friend's nose'. I should add... we can't pick our families either. Good luck to ya.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

And . . I am here for you Brandy!!!! That is the point of this site. We need to keep strong through common experience. I already love this place, and have already been helped by it. I will work to help everyone else. LOVE TO ALL YOU ANGELS . . . Do not let anything bring you down! We are a strong group. The angels are backing us up . . . hang in there, and reach out for help like I did!
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Dear End, I too, know the pain of bad siblings. They are the favorites and I am the "bad" one. Been that way a long time, sorry to say. Just remember I am there for you as much as I can be through a computer.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Oh..... This feels so great! Finally there are others who "get it". I am sorry for you all too for having this burden with not enough support. It would be such a pleasure to care for him if things were different with my family. If only my father believed in me it would be fine. He has been really mean acusing me of being "hateful", and the cause of bad relations. I have decided to no longer go to ant family functions, or stay in this house when they visit. My father will be angry, but that's too bad. I have always been a good daughter to him, and up until now have never had bad words with him. He is in denial about everything including his health situation. I will cotinue to live here, and care for him to the best of my ability. However I need to now care for myself, and I am choosing to do so. I will no longer allow any of them including him make me sick. He should count his lucky stars I've been here to give him the wonderful care I have. Thanks guys SO very much!!! LOVE
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

I am in a similar situation and understand the hurt that comes with being the criticized adult child while being the caregiver. My mother favors my siblings who do not always do things in her best interest. I also avoid family gatherings and have tried to have family meetings to smooth things out. I started counseling today to learn how to deal with this situation as well as other family issues. I can also relate to the forgiveness issue. I have forgiven my siblings, and will respond with love if they visit, but no longer seek relationships. You are not alone in wanting to run away but understanding that you can't. Please vent with us when you need to. It is the only way I have survived so far. I am so sorry that you are going through this.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Hey, I feel your pain. Just know you are better than them. And please do take time for yourself while you still can. Your Dad may be ill but he could get a lot more dependent on you as time goes on and that will really stress you out.
Sorry, but I'd like to slap your sisters. I know the kind...but hey there is still "karma". And maybe the divorce is the beginning of it. You can write to me anytime...this board is great. I don't post as much as I should, but your story hit a note with me. I ususally read and realize that I don't have it half as bad as some. It really helps you put things in perspective. Sometimes I want to vent, but usually after reading I feel better. Keep your spirits up and know that their are others that care - you are right about family. My friends are the family I picked. It was hard to let it go, we're talking over 10 years ago the whole thing blew up - but I am finally at peace with the fact that they are selfish, liars and greedy. It took my daughter not wanting her kids to be around them (because of their smoking, drinking and the f bombs) that they may be family but not what I want to influence my grandkids.
So do what you said...love your Dad and know that you are doing the right thing. I just wish he would change toward you. I don't know what I would do if I didn't have a sweet loving mother that is so appreciative. Love and hugs back. And to all us unselfish caregivers who are giving up our freedom, life and health to make someones end of life better and happier.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Oh, thank you for understanding! I needed that more than you could ever know. I went out tonight for a little while, and did some real thinking about it. I came to the conclusion that it doesn't matter what any of them do or think, including my father. My job here is very clear, and an opportunity given to me to grow. My father was a great one always, and for whatever reason he is choosing to believe this crap does not matter. I need to just stay on track, and do my job caring for him. I will however make a point of getting out much more than I was. If the house isn't perfect, so be it. If I don't feel like cooking I'll make him a sandwich. If he complains I'll say it's the best I can do today. I need to live more of my life, and less of his. He can get to the kitchen, bathroom and rest of the house with no problem. When he feels good he even drives!!! I think I have put way too much responsibility onto myself. I'm just going to let them all be shits if they want, and just love and care for him the best I can. I will shut my mouth, and shut my feelings of hurt. This will not be forever, and when it's over I will be able to get away from their negativity and leave them with each other. Oh...yes, my sister and her husband made $125.000 on the sale of the house to their own father. They announced last week that they are getting divorced! Good timing eh??? Theives? Way worse than that. Heartless ruthless theives is more like it. I want nothing to do with them after he goes. I would never choose friends like them, so why should I tolerate them? Blood does not equal family. Family is those who love, and care for you unconditionally. They are many incarnations from understanding that concept. Just having someone like you, a total stranger who does not even know me understand, and support has healed me a little today. Thank you my Dec.5th angel!!! LOVE and HUGS to YOU!!!!!
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Wow! They are mean! Did they make money off your dads home? I think what you are feeling with being tired is caregiver stress and the stress of your hateful sisters. Stress can cause havoc with your health. I just wish there is some way to get to your Dad to see how this is upsetting the one who does for him. Is there someone he respects that can intervene and talk to him about his treatment of you? I would just write off the sibs when something does happen to your Dad, you are better off without that toxin in your life. They sound like a bunch of lying theives. Hugs to you!
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Thank you so much for you kind reply of support. No, my father is not failing mentally, but I do believe he feels a lot of guilt himself for feeling like he failed them. My middle sister and he fought constantly for almost all her life. She was always in trouble when she was young, and he actually confided in me many times long ago about what a problem she was to both he and my mother. When my mother died, my younger sister was only 15 and needed him. He was so grief stricken, that he did not do his job as a parent to help get her help. He was emotionally unavailable.for her, and has told me he feels guilty for not being there for her. The problem for me is his rewriting of history and making me the villian. Unlike my sisters I never had one single problem with my father prior to living here, and his illness. I would not feel right bringing up the ugly truth, and putting it in his face. It very well be the last conversation I have with him, and I would feel terrible if that happened. So, they all get away with punishing me including him. If he had didn't have his full mental faculties I wouldn't care, but he's as sharp as a tack. He is being just plain mean, and ungrateful. I am having a new symptom which is scaring me a bit. I am unable to wake up in the mornings! I take him to dialysis three days a week at 5:30am. I am so exhausted that I am akmost falling asleep behind the wheel on my way back! I get home, and go right back to bed and find myself in a trance like sleep that I can't seem to wake from. I'm getting up at 12:00!!!! On the days he doesn't go, I sleep till about 10:00. I feel so so crappy, and depressed when I finally do wake up. I feel trapped in a poison jail cell that I can't escape from even if I tried. My love, dedication and loyalty keep me here exposed to pure poison! They meanly bitch about every aspect of his healthcare, and choice of Dr.'s. They punish me for their past hatred because they know they can. They know I am stuck here and can'y get away! They tell my two aunts (his sisters) that I have done things I haven't. Example: I put up a Christmas tree last year and asked them to come decorate it for dad. Not only did they say "no", but when I went to get our family decorations they were gone! When I asked for them back a war ensued against me for asking! She even took a poem my mom had written for the three of us and put in the tree the year she died!!!! The hitch is that that sister lived with my father in his house her whole life till five yrs ago. Even when she got married, she, her daughter and husband lived there! I asked dad to come live with me (I had a horse farm in the country), but he refused saying it was too far out for his liking. He wanted to stay in his own home, and had become comfortable living with them. Five years 7yrs ago they bought his house with the intention of owning it, and fixing it up. They said they would make him a nice private living quarter. My dad sold it to them for $120.000 (WAY under it's value) thinking he would live happily there in his own home forever. Two years later, after redoing the kitchen only (tiny kitchen), they announced they were buying a $700.000 home, and were selling dads house for $350.000!!!!!! Well, because he's so generous he allowed it to happen! He was going to get another house, but wanted his own house back. Because I was the only single one, it was a given that I would live here, which I was happy to do. When I found out whay they'd done I told her how terrible it was. A mistake for sure, but keep in mind she had always been a cruel opportunist, and had always treated me like crap unless she wanted something. That started the real war all those years back. My younger sister has been angry since the day my mother died, so the two of them shared their common anger and jealousy of me. There is way way way too much to write. They resent me for going away to art school after high school on full scholorship, and living an exciting life . I spent my life in the visual, performing and equestrian arts living all over the country. They never left this town, and had no life at all. So.....
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

I feel for you. Being ganged upon is no fun. My relatives have done that to me, but my mom chose me. Well, they dropped her first after not being able to turn her against me. Your sisters probably feel guilty because they are not doing their share of caregiving, or they don't want to get asked to do anything that will cramp their style. Sometimes we have to "let them go". We can't beat ourselves up for what they choose to do and treat you. Just know that you are doing your best. I'm sorry that your father is falling for it. You sure he isn't failing mentally? Does he understand what you do for him? My mom is so sweet she thanks me all the time for everything I do for her, which makes me want to do the best job and make her as happy as I can. Can you ask your Dad why this is and tell him it is hurting you? What are their gripes anyway? Why and how do they pick on you?
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.