I am 71. They say that my generation will not live as long as the previous one because we did not take care of ourselves. We r under more stress too. My girls 43 and 35, have already lost a lot of their classmates to drugs.
There was a question yesterday if a POA had the right to place a LO suffering from a Dementia in an AL or NH against a siblings wishes. I said no one ever questioned my POA and I placed my Mom in an AL and then a NH with no problem. But there was a reply that it may depend on how the POA was written. It made me think that maybe when we have our POA written we should put in that if LTC is the only option that its OK to place us. That takes the decision out of the POAs hands. I never would have placed Mom in a NH but money ran out and her care was more than I was capable of doing. She was also stage 6 in her Dementia journey. See when I am 85, my girls will be 50 and 58. They are single for now so have to work to support themselves.
I agree with Tothill, start downsizing. I so wish I had talked my Mom into selling her big old farm house after Dad died and moved into a apt complex where a lot of her Church people lived. Instead, the house became an albatross around my neck. I had 60 yrs of junk to clear out and I needed none of it. Thrown out or given away. I started on my house. And yes, I could do more.
Make sure you have a Will and POAs drawn up by a lawyer. Assigning someone willing to take on the responsibility. Someone that lives close to you. Get all your important papers sorted and all in one place. Tell your POA where they can find it. Get yourself in a mindset that you may not be able to stay in your home. One burden on children is a parent that feels the child should mow their lawn and do upkeep on the house. That should be there at every beck and call. When they can no longer drive, its up to the child to cart the parent to Dr. apts and shopping. So, be aware of resources available to you.
I wrote a discussion "Loss of a friend and a vent" The vent was where I felt if my friend had made different choices her last year of her life may have been different. You may want to read it.
And be flexable if u need to rely on others. I live very close, bridge away, from another state. It takes no more than 30 min to get to a Hospital there and specialists. We volunteered to drive a GFs mother to her appts over there. GF was disabled. Eventually we were driving the GF over for her appts and then a daughter. Not once did they try to find doctors here. GF complained about the cost of daughters (I think she was high functioning autistic) medical bills. I suggested Medicaid, oh no, not using doctors here. I told her can't have it both ways. Her and Mom had appts in same complex, different days. Asked why they couldn't coordinate appts for the same day. Eventually circumstances arose that I couldn't drive them anymore.
You won't be a burden if you plan and realize that it may not always be what you want. We hear so much here "but I promised". Never promise, you never know what life will bring. My Aunt always thought her one daughter would take care of her in her old age. Well, both daughters died from overdoses before my Aunt died at 80 from lung cancer. The person who lived with her and cared for her was a son that she particularly didn't like much. He reminded her of his Dad, her ex.
Camerapom, I think that having seen elder loved ones need so much care, many because of lifestyle choices, that we actually have a chance to age better than they have.
Take time for you and take care of your health as best as possible, this helps to not focus on the worse case scenario and to be proactive really does make a difference in the outcome.
I am sorry that you feel scared for your future. I pray that you find something that gives you hope and peace. Great big warm hug!
Such an interesting question: Wish it had been posted to "discussions". Who can guess what the coming two decades will bring? I myself, as an old retired RN, hope we will have access to medications to make our final exit when we choose. It is already, in many states, afforded to those with a limited time to live, and in many countries available now to those who wish to die. Many of us would choose that exit; that would ease the burden on the system and on our children. Quite honestly, at 78 I begin to understand where my Dad was at 96, having lived a wonderful life, but very very tired, and wanting only peace for many years before it was afforded him. It becomes not only painful, but tiring, exhausting, really, and with everything taken from us that makes "us", "us". Until there is the final indignity of the loss of our very being, our minds. I wouldn't take on worrying over the future. The current times has enough to plop onto our plates. But it certainly is an interesting question.
You are sounding quite overwhelmed in caring for your mom. I hope and pray that you are taking good quality time for yourself on a regular basis, and getting all the help you need.
None of us knows what the future holds for us, and that is why it's so important to make the most of each and every day. I try hard to not dwell on what might or could be down the road, yet there is one thing I do know, and that is I will never be a burden on my children, nor will I make them promise to keep me out of a nursing facility, or give up their lives to care for me. And that gives me peace to be able to live my best life possible, for as ever long the good Lord gives me.
Camerapom, now is the time when you start to think about decluttering, downsizing, moving closer to town etc.
If your home is already close to town and services, start researching how to make your home more aging friendly; grab bars, removing rugs and other trip hazards etc.. Learn about grocery delivery services in your area, check out transportation options.
Tidy up your files and write out all your usernames and passwords. Create a list of all your financial accounts, another of all your medical professionals and a third of all your RX’s.
Make sure your POA and end of life documents are up to date.
Write a letter to yourself and your loved ones saying at what point they are to override your objections and arrange for care.
There was a question yesterday if a POA had the right to place a LO suffering from a Dementia in an AL or NH against a siblings wishes. I said no one ever questioned my POA and I placed my Mom in an AL and then a NH with no problem. But there was a reply that it may depend on how the POA was written. It made me think that maybe when we have our POA written we should put in that if LTC is the only option that its OK to place us. That takes the decision out of the POAs hands. I never would have placed Mom in a NH but money ran out and her care was more than I was capable of doing. She was also stage 6 in her Dementia journey. See when I am 85, my girls will be 50 and 58. They are single for now so have to work to support themselves.
I agree with Tothill, start downsizing. I so wish I had talked my Mom into selling her big old farm house after Dad died and moved into a apt complex where a lot of her Church people lived. Instead, the house became an albatross around my neck. I had 60 yrs of junk to clear out and I needed none of it. Thrown out or given away. I started on my house. And yes, I could do more.
Make sure you have a Will and POAs drawn up by a lawyer. Assigning someone willing to take on the responsibility. Someone that lives close to you. Get all your important papers sorted and all in one place. Tell your POA where they can find it. Get yourself in a mindset that you may not be able to stay in your home. One burden on children is a parent that feels the child should mow their lawn and do upkeep on the house. That should be there at every beck and call. When they can no longer drive, its up to the child to cart the parent to Dr. apts and shopping. So, be aware of resources available to you.
I wrote a discussion "Loss of a friend and a vent" The vent was where I felt if my friend had made different choices her last year of her life may have been different. You may want to read it.
And be flexable if u need to rely on others. I live very close, bridge away, from another state. It takes no more than 30 min to get to a Hospital there and specialists. We volunteered to drive a GFs mother to her appts over there. GF was disabled. Eventually we were driving the GF over for her appts and then a daughter. Not once did they try to find doctors here. GF complained about the cost of daughters (I think she was high functioning autistic) medical bills. I suggested Medicaid, oh no, not using doctors here. I told her can't have it both ways. Her and Mom had appts in same complex, different days. Asked why they couldn't coordinate appts for the same day. Eventually circumstances arose that I couldn't drive them anymore.
You won't be a burden if you plan and realize that it may not always be what you want. We hear so much here "but I promised". Never promise, you never know what life will bring. My Aunt always thought her one daughter would take care of her in her old age. Well, both daughters died from overdoses before my Aunt died at 80 from lung cancer. The person who lived with her and cared for her was a son that she particularly didn't like much. He reminded her of his Dad, her ex.
Take time for you and take care of your health as best as possible, this helps to not focus on the worse case scenario and to be proactive really does make a difference in the outcome.
I am sorry that you feel scared for your future. I pray that you find something that gives you hope and peace. Great big warm hug!
Who can guess what the coming two decades will bring? I myself, as an old retired RN, hope we will have access to medications to make our final exit when we choose. It is already, in many states, afforded to those with a limited time to live, and in many countries available now to those who wish to die.
Many of us would choose that exit; that would ease the burden on the system and on our children. Quite honestly, at 78 I begin to understand where my Dad was at 96, having lived a wonderful life, but very very tired, and wanting only peace for many years before it was afforded him. It becomes not only painful, but tiring, exhausting, really, and with everything taken from us that makes "us", "us". Until there is the final indignity of the loss of our very being, our minds.
I wouldn't take on worrying over the future. The current times has enough to plop onto our plates. But it certainly is an interesting question.
None of us knows what the future holds for us, and that is why it's so important to make the most of each and every day. I try hard to not dwell on what might or could be down the road, yet there is one thing I do know, and that is I will never be a burden on my children, nor will I make them promise to keep me out of a nursing facility, or give up their lives to care for me. And that gives me peace to be able to live my best life possible, for as ever long the good Lord gives me.
If your home is already close to town and services, start researching how to make your home more aging friendly; grab bars, removing rugs and other trip hazards etc.. Learn about grocery delivery services in your area, check out transportation options.
Tidy up your files and write out all your usernames and passwords. Create a list of all your financial accounts, another of all your medical professionals and a third of all your RX’s.
Make sure your POA and end of life documents are up to date.
Write a letter to yourself and your loved ones saying at what point they are to override your objections and arrange for care.