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Taking care of husband for 4 years now by myself only worse now. He is now in wheelchair ,gets me up 3 to 4 times a night. This sounds bad but true he is either wet or BM or his meds. All day long wait on him on whatever he asks for. I dress him most of time, he is now on morphine for pain has a bad personality change now. When I get out its only to store or drug store ,if I go see my daughter in law and grandkids near by .he calls me at least 6 times for me to come home. Not one whole day off in a year and a half. He has diabetes all of his blood vessels shutting down. Had hip surg, heart surg, neck surg, strokes. Its been a tough road. He has older children 3 and we have one together. They are all older and married but they do not call him or me to see how he is or what's going on. I cannot go on like this need help so bad, I sprained my hip two months ago and still had to take care of him had no choice. Any ideas for me, I welcome them ~Thanks so much~
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It sounds like it is time for a nursing home, where you can visit him as his loving wife, instead of being constantly on duty as his caregiver. Do it for both of you.
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Call his MD and get some aides ordered by the MD. And tell the MD about the morphine making him cranky. Tell the MD about your hip. And if hubby needs a couple of weeks in respite, it would do you a lot of good.
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Nursing home for him that is what I would do.
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Marcy; My aunt tried to care for my uncle at home. To make a very long story short, she was finally able to be convinced by my cousins to place him in a wonderful assisted living facility. She died shortly thereafter from a massive heart attack, brought on, the doctors said, from the years of solo caregiving. My uncle lived quite happily for several more years in AL. DON'T let this happen to you. Call his doctor and find out what resources are available for help.
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Marcy; I went back and read some of your other posts. Did you husband go to rehab? What is your resistence to putting him in a NH? I seem to recall that you were about to leave him and then he got sick, is that right? You need to do three things. 1. Call his doctor and say that you can't do this alone any more, you need immediate assistance. 2. Go to Medicare.gov and make a list of the Nursing Homes within whatever distance from your home is feasible. 3. Start calling their intake departments to get information; if you husband gets taken to the ER due to a fall, or doctor's orders, DO NOT take him home. You will have information on the NH's that the discharge department will suggest.

Marcy, tell us what is keeping you from placing your husband. He will be in less pain, cared for by three shifts of nurses and CNAs and you can visit as a wife and advocate, everyday if you want to. It's win/win, as I see it. But there may be more to the story, so tell us.
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I also was thing it's time for a nursing home, home for your sake!
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Neither of you has a decent quality of life at this point. You are doing nursing care 3 shifts a day every day and he is in pain (probably needs a pain pump instead of oral morphine), confused, and cranky. Call Area Agency on Aging and see wht you can get in the way of seroius help and respite, print this out and mail it to your kids or copy and paste into e-mails if they actually read emails instead of social media and texts.
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Marcy50,

I care for my husband 365, 24/7 as well and I get 15 hours off each week but if I don need to run errands I stay and feed him or bathe and dress him. Being a caregiver is very hard on the person taking care of someone else.

This is my second, (first my mother and now my husband) time around and what I learned to do was to reflect back on the better times. With my husband, it gives me nothing but pure joy caring for him. For me, that is the easy part. It is only when I have to try to obtain what he needs from the agencies like the VA. Or when he has to go into the hospital and he is treated like he is the problem all the while utilizing three insurances to pay the bill.

So I have notes all around our home that tells me it is ok to cry, be upset, be angry, to laugh, I love you etc., but it helps. I met a young lady last evening who is only 31 years old, an only child and is already caring for her parents.

Imagine, what this young woman must be going through. We were talking about emotions and we both said it t the same time: maybe "others" should have emotions. We both laughed.

It can be overwhelming and you sound like you need some time for you. Please check into the county services to see if you can get you some well deserved time for your self!!

Take care of your self!!:)
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This is absolutely too much for one person to handle. You must find some time to yourself and help in caring for your husband. Talk to his doctor and have him recommend a home health care provider. They will come out and do an assessment and let you know what services are available. If he is on Medicare most of the services are covered. Call your local heart association, diabetes group and social services for any assistance available.

Have you tried contacting his children and asking them for help?

Best of luck to you.
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Another option is to get in home care at least at night. This may be very expensive, more than a NH; but if you can't bear to put him in NH or get the services you need, then consider this option if you can afford it.
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