My Dad is 74 years old and was diagnosed with Parkinson's disease almost 10 years ago, though he was showing symptoms a few years before diagnoses. He has also gradually developed dementia which has worsened significantly in the past year. My mom has been his caregiver and started having burnout about a year ago. My Dad is incontinent and has had several UTI's over the past year and was hospitalized for one last Christmas. My mom was in pretty bad depression at this time but started doing better mentally many months ago and takes anti depressants now. Over the past year she was only getting about six hours of respite care a week. A month ago my Dad fell in their apartment and broke his hip, had surgery and after three days was released to a skilled nursing center for rehab. Before the fall he was walking on his own though was clearly having balance issues, had a walker but would rarely use it. He also wandered out of their apartment the day before the fall early in the morning when my mom was sleeping. He was found by staff at their community who called my mom. After three weeks in rehab, insurance has stopped paying and the recommendation for him is long term care or 24 hour assist. They said he is a 2 person full assist with mobility (though I have seen one nurse aide be able to move him in/out of bed). My mom has hired an elder law attorney who is getting them on medicaid and my mom wants my Dad to stay in long term care. The current facility doesn't have a medicaid bed for him so we are trying to find another one. However, I am torn up over him living in a nursing home. I can't shake the feeling that he wouldn't have wanted this. He took his own mother out of a nursing home when I was one years old and my sister was three. He and my mom took care of her until she died six months later in our home. When he was young and healthy he always said that when he was old he would want to rotate living with his five children, but he and my mom never discussed his wishes once PD came. I have told my mom that I want her and Dad to move in with me, and together, along with hired help, we can take care of him. She doesn't want to do it - she doesn't want to move (she is happy living in their senior community), doesn't want to burden me, and doesn't want to lose medicaid and pay out of pocket for care (though I would help pay too). At times I am frustrated and angry that she won't do more to keep him out of a nursing home, but other times I understand that I shouldn't be asking so much of her and her own health may be on the line. The only other thing I can think of is to take him in anyway, let her keep living where she is (35 min away) and hire aides to help me. I have a one year old and a four year old and a husband who doesn't get home until 7:30 or 8pm so I won't even pretend that I can do it myself. Of course, then there is the issue of money. My husband took a new job and extremely large pay cut two years ago and we have no disposable income now, however we have a pretty significant nest egg from saving money for 10 years when he had a high paying job. We have plans to open our own business with this money in 2-3 years, and while rationally I know it may be unreasonable to spend a big chunk of it on my Dad's care, part of me feels guilty for not doing that. Part of me feels I should do whatever it takes to keep him home living with family for as long as possible. Does it make sense to insist to my mom that he move in with me, make the sacrifices on my family and spend thousands of dollars of our savings to give him home care? As hard as it may be, it is also so hard to see him living in a facility. If he stays in a facility, how do I find peace with that? I feel like we are abandoning him. I am truly torn up about this and looking for any advice that anyone may have on our situation. Thanks so much.