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Stage 6 alzheimers. It's been getting worse. She's lately forgotten hat happened to her husband who passed away 8 years ago and often forgets how we're related. Should have done it earlier but sibling was fighting me. She can't even remember the name of her care giver.

I've done everything too late. Waited far too long to get her medicaid ready, so we're spending a lot of money we shouldn't have had to Mom fought us every step of the way.
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JuliaH Sep 19, 2025
I'm sorry for you, its not like the elderly comes with a handbook. It's all Greek to everyone starting out, it's a learning process. Power of attorney and medical directive is enough to do besides trying to fit your life into the works. It takes courage to understand what the best thing to do is, can you juggle it all or is placement necessary? Whomever is in charge/POA,they should not be challenged. Say yes or no, the others have no say. That goes for mom, especially, as she's not well enough to make any decisions. You've got this, do what you can.
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I. would fill out the check. and let him sign it . Sibling should not be giving you a Hard time and fighting you . Caregiving is hard enough with out Interference from lazy people .
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Reply to KNance72
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I don't understand fully why you would feel bad for protecting this money. I am certain you are doing this with all legal and banking programs in place and understand POA.

In my brother's case I gave him a small bank account of his own, as he lived at the other end of my state. He managed this account with my oversite as his POA.

Take care; you are doing the right thing to help your loved one.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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I had to stop my Mom from driving, take over her finances and just recently keep her cc which she handed to me to buy something. Using therapeutic fibs help make these transitions a little "easier". Yes, she sometimes goes into a paranoia that I'm stealing from her or "trying to put her into a home". I ignore those accusations and change the subject. You will need to just ignore it too and move on.

IMO it's a lot more difficult to manage a person's affairs if 2 PoAs are assigned. There are bound to be disagreements. I think it's a good idea to show your sibling this thread -- and others -- so that he understands that a person with ALZ eventually doesn't get to drive the bus. Does your brother have a hard time with "difficult conversations" or confrontation? He's a "Yes Man" because it's just easier. That's not what a PoA is supposed to do.

I wish you all the best as you go on this journey with your Mom and brother.
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Reply to Geaton777
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I agree--you did the right thing.

We had to take away my dad's credit card, access to his bank account, and his phone, because he was either canceling things or signing up for things.

He wanted to still be in control over something he had done all his life. But the dementia was causing him to make poor decisions. We had to step in.

I'll say it again--you did the right thing : ).
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Reply to DaughterofAD3
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Suzy23 Sep 19, 2025
Same here exactly. I agree 100%.

OP— Five years from now you’ll say to yourself you should have done it sooner. Sad, but true.
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Refer your sibling to aging care.com.

Tell her that so many caregivers are talking about her on this website.
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Reply to Sendhelp
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Even though it’s hard you did what was best to keep her safe. The empathy is just the love you have for her. Good job for making a tough but thoughtful decision🙏
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Reply to Hardjourney
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You shouldn't feel bad for protecting your mom and doing what you know in your heart was the right thing.
So next time...quit listening to your sibling.
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firsttimer1 Sep 18, 2025
Ain't easy. She gave us equal power. He bad mouths me to her. Says I refused to let her her move into a coop 7 years ago and that i was wrong to insist on a condo. Then my mom tells him she doesn't trust me in response.

If i had moved her into a coop i'd be stuck with a unit i'd be forbidden from renting out by law
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You did the right thing.
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