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We are a large family...with many little ones now. Some family members are still stubbornly insistent that all 28 of us show up "at Grandma's" for Christmas weekend. Grandma is 95, getting tired and confused, was recently put on oxygen (though is still mobile). I find it rude and justifiably insane to make her simply sit so little kids can roam the house. Adults, perhaps...but 3, 5, & 8 year olds? It is selfish, in my opinion. Too many people all at once. This is my mother and I am very concerned about it.

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Is this something your mother is looking forward to, or dreading? If she wants this to happen and it is important to her, then make it happen with the highest chances of good memories. Someone should be in charge of children's activities. Someone should be in charge of food (not necessarily to prepare it all!). Someone should be in charge of cleaning before the event (doing or hiring done). Someone should be in charge of cleanup along the way. Arrange things so Mother is the guest of honor.

When you say "weekend" does that mean people will be staying overnight in Mother's house? If so, someone should be in charge of making those arrangements and ensuring that all the laundry is done. Maybe this is the year to start a tradition of staying in a nearby motel, ideally where the kids (with supervision) could spend some of their time and energy in a pool.

If it is important to your mother, and everyone else wants it to happen, then all should pitch in to make it go smoothly. If your mother is dreading this then put your foot down.
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If you are not going to cancel, then have planned activities for the young ones to keep them from doing what you fear..... and little kids make me nervous too and I'm 62 !!!! So hope ya'll have a good holiday...
And as it stands YOU are the primary caregiver, so many decisons can be made for her by you....
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P.S. I have an older sister & brother. Nine adult grandkids. Twelve great-grandkids. No was is living closer than 3 hours away from The Matriarch. We flip flop visits now to help out with appointments and she does have a great neighbor who "fills in the blanks".
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This is all very new...in the last two months. She has always been so independent. Even @ age 94. There has been no time or plan yet with a primary caregiver. We are in the first stages of getting her out of denial. She loves to have the whole family together. And we all chip in and help as we can. Only a handful of us see the true picture....the rest are in their own denial. Thanks all for the suggestions. I love this site. Good therapy for me!
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Who is in charge? Her primary caregiver should make a decision in her best interest and stick to it.
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She says she can handle it, but past history proves that the little kids make her nervous. We worry about the tubes strung all over the floor and the little ones running all around stepping on them and pulling them loose. It's too soon to inconvenience her with such an onslaught.
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Then put your foot down and say no.. I recently had to drag my charge to a Thanksgiving dinner and hour away, to placate the family... his wife had passed away only a few weeks ago... he has late stage Alz.... to make a long story short, he threw up all the way home... too much for him, as i had suggested to the family it would be... if you are in the position to stop this, then please do so....and you are right , it is very selfish...
How does your mom feel about it??? If she is able to express her feelings about it, and she doesn't want it either... then take the risk of making the whole family angry.... they'll get over it... or not, but by all means make a stand for what you feel is in the best interest of your mom.... you will be in my thoughts and prayers.... let us know what happens.... sending you hugs and angels...
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