This weekend was so bad and I was so sick that I couldn't even feed my husband a decent meal. Not only can he not take care of me, but I couldn't take care of him.
I am wondering about placing him in an Alzheimer's facility. A couple of major problems. He has only moderate dementia and would not do well there because he would be aware of the situation and would beg me to take him home or use his skills to break out!
Another problem is that he has his days and nights turned around. He would want to sit in front of the TV monopolizing the remote control until all hours of the morning. Then sleep late and go back to the television for another 18 hours. He is not difficult as he is sweet and not demanding. But what facility will let him stay up all night? Every night? And you cannot force him to go to sleep. Not even to lay in bed.
A second major problem is affording the facility. They run $5 - 6K a month in this area. We can do it if I sell our house and move into a small apartment and limit my expenses. I have checked everywhere and we do not qualify for VA or anything else. I know that I will have to pay for his care out of our pocket.
I have run out of steam and do not have what it takes to supervise him every moment and meet all his needs. It will take a whole lot of other people.
I plan to go to a financial planner in town to help me look at my finances to see if I can do this long term. I know leaving my house will be difficult, but it is only 4 walls. My family is where my home is. And I plan to be with my sweet husband every day at the facility until bedtime, my bedtime.
What I don't know is how he will handle it - or not. And how they will handle him-or not. And can I handle the guilt and pain of letting go of my life partner. I don't know if he is ready for a facility. I sure know that I am not. It is a very difficult stage to be in.
And previous experience in this situation?