My sweet wife now resides in Assisted Living. I placed her there this afternoon.
Her condition deteriorated last week. Saturday night was not good. Sunday morning was bad. She is unstable on her feet and has fallen several times. I believe she had a TIA Sunday morning. Can’t prove that just think it from what I observed and read up on. I concluded that I could not safely care for her. 11 years.
So Sunday I began the process by calling AL. Took her to the Doc on Monday. Got a TB test which was negative on Wednesday (takes 2 days) and moved her there right after the test was read. A hospice evaluation is scheduled for tomorrow. They took her in and had a nice room with a wonderful chair in which she went right to sleep. She sleeps most of the time now.
And Me? I’m satisfied. The decision was essentially made for me so I won’t be second guessing myself. And I took it as far as it could be took. I simply could not safely provide the care she now needs. I did not quit because I “couldn’t take anymore” or “didn’t have a life.” No. There was just not anymore I could do.
Strangely enough the tears stopped about mid day. I got thru the enrollment process in good shape.
I did not have the opportunity put her into a care facility. I had to put her into hospice where she survived for less than a week.
The tears just came everytime I looked at her or thought about her. they still come every now and then.
I was hurting myself lifting her to dress her or clean her. She slept on the couch at home for the last week here.
It tore me up to think I could no longer care for her by myself. I did what I thought was best for her.
You have done exactly what you should have done. You showed your world that you loved her as much as I love Luz,maybe more.
Visit her often and hold her. I feel that she will understand even if she cannot show it.
God Bless you, Brother.
Sending my love his way!
You truly love your wife.
You can spend time with her and not have to worry about changing her, doing the third load of laundry in the same day. You can enjoy a lunch or dinner with her that someone else makes you can relax. My Husband was at Adult Day Care in a Memory Care wing of a facility and they would take some for lunch on Fridays. I would look at the schedule and figure out what places he would like and I would go with them. I would help him as well as others on and off the van. It was an enjoyable afternoon. Plus I had extra help if I needed help with him.
And for me safety was my breaking point. I always said if it was no longer safe for him or if it was un safe for me I would have to place him. Thankfully it never came to that but that was my yardstick for care at home or having to place him.
You did the right thing.
And you are doing the right thing by contacting Hospice.
I told myself every night that I did the best that I could that day and if I did the best I could sleep well knowing that. So sleep well, you did the best you could and you continue to do your best by providing safe care.
(((hugs)))
It IS confusing. Just like Old Sailor I saw the signs, decreased appetite, playing with the food, staggering, instability, faulty vision and excessive sleeping but it’s the time frame that escapes us. The docs and nurses and AL directors see it all the time and can judge how far along things have gone and therefore how much time is left. We just keep plugging along putting out that extra effort or making midcourse corrections not realizing we’ve pushed past the limit.
Not only that but until you watch the AL people work you don’t really understand how much better a job they can do. How much better your LO might be in their care. You might conclude that keeping your LO too long is actually for you not your LO. Well I’ve rambled enough.
I am sorry for your loss and I pray that you continue to have peace and that the facility is wonderful to your wife.
Hopefully they have good food and you can enjoy someone taking care of you a bit while you continue to love your wife.
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