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My mom entered a skilled nursing home nine months ago after a fall that fractured her hip. She has vascular dementia and didn't remember she was hurt. She was put into a rehab for a couple of weeks and didn't want to comply with the exercises they were trying to get her to do. Needless to say she never walked very well since. I made the decision to make her a resident there. She was very aggressive and aggitatied towards whoever tried to help her. They had put her on depakote for her agitation. This gave her bad direrrhea and she got dehydrated. I was finally able to get her off of it, but now she is hardly eating and yes the agitation is back. They want me to consider hospice, cause they feel as if she continues on the same course she will die in about three months from what the nurses say. Now hospice wants to take Mom off of alot of meds she needs and I'm not for that. I feel like I'm pulling the plug on her. They say all her labs look good, now only if she would just eat. I feel I'm at the end of the Rd with no direction to go forward. I've always been there to save Mom or protect Mom but what now? She's very weak from not eating. I take her food up all the time and try to get her to eat. She is an HR away from me now. There is a place closer to me that I'd like to get her moved to but I don't want to make her worse. The home she's in now says it will confuse her and make her worse but at the stage she's in I really wonder if that's true. I'd sure like Mom to be ten mins away rather than an HR away. Any advice would be appreciated.

If you decide on hospice, I would recommend in home hospice care. As for medications, I believe with in home she will still be able to keep them as long as its not anything trying to cure the terminal illness which in this case is the dementia but as for other illnesses I thought they can take it. I may be wrong on that though, but my grandfather who is terminal PCP explained how if he had high bp that hospice should be able to provide medication to help regulate it, just can not take anything for the dementia directly. My grandfather has severe dementia and we are doing in home hospice care. It has been a great help. They offer a comfort kit, which we hardly use, they allow medical cannabis, and if he gets sick they will order infection medicine as well. He has a nurse come 3 times a week for baths and hygiene tasks, and a nurse manager comes twice a week to check on him and to make sure we don’t need any supplies or meds. Now, we chose in home as the facility transferred him to the hospital where they sedated him against our wishes and blamed it on behavioral issues. People with dementia are confused and to be in a hospital is probably quite scary as well. He is not combative but will yell and we were distraught to learn they allotted him out on medication while we were trying to get much needed rest. It is a miracle he is even alive with how much meds were pushed because of “behavioral problems”. It has progressed the dementia ten fold. We went from walking to bed ridden in less than a day. It is extremely unfortunate and sad. It sounds as if your loved one may get a little combative and so I highly recommend in-home if at all possible so that you can make sure they are treated like a human and cared for properly! The nurses have all been amazing and extremely helpful!!!! I was told that any facility would transfer to hospital to put dementia patients on a “regimen” when displaying behaviors even just loud yelling. Highly recommend in-home care. Hope this helps!
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Reply to BeKind3
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If the other facility has an opening for her, go ahead and make the move. Yes, she will be disoriented but her agitation probably won't get much worse. Talk with her doctor about medication for her agitation - anti-anxiety drugs, maybe mental health medications probably medications to help her sleep better... and medications to increase her appetite. Ask that she be offered Ensure 5 times a day - this will meet her nutrition needs.

You can ask her doctor for referral to palliative care and hospice care. The goal is to provide your mom with the best quality of life regardless of how much life she has yet to live.
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Reply to Taarna
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Since they aren't succeeding and she isn't happily or at least contentedly settled in there, it's fine to move her. You won't exhaust yourself as much during this stressful time, which will also help your mother. I wish you well, I know it's hard.
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Reply to MG8522
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Shelly69: Move your mom to the closer facility.
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Reply to Llamalover47
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Move her to a good, reputable place closer to you that accepts Medicaid. Get her into LTC. No one can force someone to eat. At some point they will suggest hospice.
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Reply to Geaton777
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Hard choices But I would Move her closer to you and wait On Hospice .
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Reply to KNance72
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I would move her near to you if you can find anyone to take her in this condition and I think that is a huge if. She is not going to be wanted with all these problems and I think that it won't help anything but your being able to get to her more easily. I don't think it will hurt her. How much worse can it be. As to withdrawing medications, I would do it. I do not see the sense to this ongoing and endless torment out of which the end result is still her death. I would be going for comfort and ease now RECOGNIZING this is the end of a long journey.
I am so very sorry.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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