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My husband who had stroke 3 years ago asked about every 2 to 3 months for a divorce. He has a dr jeckle mr Hyde personality. This is not the man I married. I don't want to be around him any more and feel more strongly each time he asked. Last week he went as far as called a lawyer but now says I was mad at the time. I'm sorry. So he yells and says mean things then he's sorry. But this is wearing me down to where I have nothing left for him. Yet I want to do the right thing.

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Snowbank, my heart breaks for you. You aren't alone by any means, but that doesn't make it a lot easier. I agree that there's a good chance that your husband has developed vascular dementia. He should be checked by a specialist who can determine what is happening.

It's important to ask about how your marriage was before his stroke. I believe that should be a large part of your decision now. If it was good, you may want to just keep working with doctors and stick it out. If it wasn't good - that may weigh heavily into your final decision.

I'd suggest some professional counseling to talk this through. It's just too much to handle alone.

Please keep us posted on how you are doing.
Carol
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Snowbank; has your husband been diagnosed with vascular dementia as a result of the stroke? Have you talked to his doctor about his mood swings? Is there a Geriatric Psychiatrist in the area for you to take him to?

This must be so hard on you, and probably on him as well. Would it make a difference to you if you knew it was dementia (brain changes) or depression (brain chemistry) or a combination of the two that are causing his behaivor?

Please let us know what happens. This is an issue that is more common than most people think, and we can all learn from your experience.
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I may be obtuse here, but you are on tender-hooks never knowing when your husband is going to explode and verbally abuse you and the doctors answer is an antidepressant for YOU? Counselling is great, but if the root cause is early dementia perhaps some mood stabilizers for your husband would be appropriate?
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yes he has mild form of stroke relayed dementia. I finally seen my dr this morning and asked for and was given anti- depressant that he agrees I should be on temporarily. He said nothing will change thou at home unless my husband accepts his limitations and makes the best of his remaining years and appreciates what he has and what I do for him. I should try again to get him into therapy. I came home today and he apologized again as he always doesand realizes I do care for him and appreciates what I do which is everything. But it is always temporary. He said I can't work in my shop or work on my cars anymore? I realize I'm screwed up in my head cause I keep hurting you. This is the most sincere he's sounded. I'm hopeful that therapy together will end this cycle. I see I can't do it myself anymore. When you feel empty inside its time to get help. Thank you for you kind words
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Snowbank, I sincerely hope some counseling will help. I know at least one couple who found counseling in the early stages of dementia to be very useful. It is possible that memory impairment will interfere with the counseling having long-term effects, but it is definitely worth trying. And even if it doesn't help your husband much, it may help you learn to deal with him more effectively.

Divorce or living with this untenable situation are not the only options. If counseling doesn't bring about lasting improvement, consider placing him in a care center, where you can visit as his loving wife and not as his caregiver who has to try to keep him safe.
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your husband does sound like he is very sorry for the mean things he says to you, but it's not the man you married speaking, he's lost a lot, especially work related and not being able to be the husband he once was, I go through this too, not every day, but I have learned when something mean is said, it is not his fault. I agree with cwillie here he needs some meds to help level his thinking out and to help him not feel so depressed over his life as it is. I would try that route before starting therapy.
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doctor put him on anti- antidepressants a year after stroke. Stroke happened 3 years ago. He had triple by-pass first then stroke 2 days after during the night. Took early retiremen from 3-M. Hobbies made furniture, competed in car shows & stills has his show car. Yes he is always sincere when he apologizes. He still reasons enough. He says he wants his old Cindy back. he lives in the past. He needs to accept how it is now & stop feeling sorry for himself and be grateful for what he has. He admitted to me first time he really messed up and knows as he put it, my head is screwed up. Now we're making progress. He wouldn't go to therapy before. Got some hope back. I took 1 anti-depressant and stared at walls all night. Threw them away.
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