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Who gets more and more angry and mean with caretakers.

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My mother did not like being cold, and she thought it was way to cold in a shower. We would always heat up the room to the point tat we were seating in it, and then bring her with a thick robe on. The water would be up to temp before she got in. This seemed to work better for her.
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suzyqz: Since when did Great Clips wash a customer's hair? They don't in the Baltimore area. That's one reason why people go to Hair Cuttery! Hair Cuttery washes a client's hair.
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If your parent refuses a shower consistently, then how about asking the physicians for medication that can relax the elderly person to the point where they're more agreeable to taking a shower or receiving a bed bath. Also, if you cannot get the clothing off after a month, as was cited in the comment, then you may just have to use a scissors and cut them off. Once your dad sees he's not dressed he might accept a damp towel & sponge bath or at least new clothing.
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One more thing I forgot to mention that might help with shampooing only is called a Comfort Cape. If you just need to wash their hair, and getting them out to a hairdresser is difficult, you can use this at the kitchen sink to shampoo their hair. The lady that runs the beauty shop at my Mom's memory care facility uses this on her clients who are in wheelchairs and she is unable to get them into the chair in front of the shampoo bowl. You really have to see it to understand how it works. Google Comfort Cape.
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Once I could no longer get my mom to go in the shower because of her fighting about going into it, she would be ok with a "sponge bath" but not her hair. We then took her at least once a week to Great Clips where they would wash and dry her her. She was fine with that because the water wasn't going in her face. Someone at a Walgreen's suggested I try No Rinse. It's in the aisle where the medical supplies are. I could put a towel on her shoulders or even under her when she could no longer get out of bed, squirt the No Rinse on, rub it in (it lathers) and then towel it dry. I was amazed how clean and soft it made her hair and she liked the physical contact of me rubbing her head and then toweling it dry. I have told so many people about it. It's great! It's sold at other stores, but don't look in the general shampoo aisle.
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I learned once that the water hitting them feels like being poked which is sometimes why they get scared or angry when showering, so if you place a towel around their shoulders it makes the water hit them "softer". I also work in an assisted living and we have one resident who refuses showers all the time. We have had to have her daughters come in to help but that does not always work either.
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you don't have to put a patient in shower or bathtub to keep them clean!! my mother is her final stages of dementia and is now bedridden. hospice came in and saved the day...learned all kinds of stuff to care for my wonderful mother without agitating her needlessly! McKesson, and im sure other companies, have shampoo and body wash...NO RINSE needed. my hospice girl, puts some of this product in a small bin of warm water and with a rag...cleans her up! she rinses the cloth with another bin of water to keep the body wash bin cleaner. she also puts a little baby oil in water to keep her moisturised. she puts a towel under her head and puts this cleanser in her her and gives her a nice scrub of the scalp. my mother looks sooooo fresh when she's done!! i wish i had known about these products soooooner! good luck!
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memsobelle: You should really start a thread of your own.
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Sponge bathe the elder in bed. Get hot, soapy water in a tub, a washcloth and a towel.
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Memsobelle, this is what I am dealing with. the stubbornness and rebellion to trying to keep him clean. He will not cooperate. I tried everything. It is a fight between us every Monday. Exhausting and stressful. He is a very tall man and hard to handle
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Oh, boy. As some of the folks on this forum may recall, one of the first questions I asked when I started participating had to do with dealing with my 93 year old mother's (with moderate dementia of the Alzheimer's variety at this point) beligerance regarding bathing. My story is virtually a carbon copy of memsobelle's and akaheba's with a sprinkling of disgusted 2000's (regarding the hair) and lataza's appointment issues. When I couldn't handle the stress anymore, we moved mom to AL last August. The move has really been a Godsend, I won't deny that, although I feel for the aides who are unable to get mom to cooperate with showering. She leaves me the nastiest phone messages when on very rare occasion able to be successful in coercing her to cooperate although they have said they simply will not fight with her about this unless it is deemed by the doctor to be medically necessary. Like some of the other posters, she seems to do enough to keep from really stinking but just smells stale and never fresh. Her clothesand linens are laundered because they sneak them out and back in when she goes for meals or I take some of the better tops and just do them myself. She has a standing hair appointment once a week so I've said the same as disgusted2000 - just try to shower her body and leave the hair alone. Lataza - the always running late for appointments was another thorn in my side but at least now her primary doctor sees her at the facility and just has an aide being her down for appointments. Taking her anywhere with an appointment was and is (including a restaurant, which we do very rarely at this point) a total P.I.T.A. because clearly no one's schedule but hers matters. Bottom line though - AL has been a lifeline when I was hanging by a very slim thread and when my husband was really starting to worry about how long I would be able to cope. Everyone on this forum has been such a wonderful source of support not to mention information....as they say in any support group, "keep coming back!" Hugs to you all!
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I suggest you find how your loved one bathed as a child. Did they use a bathtub or a shower? One of client's son found out that her mother bathed rather than showered as a child. He also warms up the bathroom. He purchased a bath sheet to wrap around her. It is hard to imagine that loved ones might have forgotten what water is. But they can.
In some areas, home health agencies have a bathing assistant, who comes to the house just for bathing the person. After the the bathing, they leave.
As caregivers, we like showers because they are efficient. But if you did not take a shower as a child or young adult, then you won't "remember" what a shower is and therefore, it becomes a frightening experience.
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Good advice on the showers, here's my two-cents-worth on the shampoo:
When my husband was recently hospitalized, the aide used a "no rinse shower cap" product to shampoo his head. Simple, easy, no shower, stay dressed, no trauma, no drama. Do a search on those words. I found them for $2.99 at Walgreens and other places.
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memsobelle. That is exactly what my husband is doing. The only reason he took a shower a month ago was because of a Dr's appointment. The appointment was for 1:20 pm. Guess what time we left the house. Yup. 1:20 pm. It took forever to get him to take a shower. Then it took forever for him to get dressed. He puts clothes on then takes them off then puts them on then takes them off. Same thing with his shoes. He would not accept help.

I called the Dr's office to say we would be late and explained why. The receptionist said if we were more than 15 minutes late she would have to reschedule. I told her that would not help because the same thing will happen. She did not understand so I just said I would try not to be too late. When I got there 20 minutes late she said she had to check with the Dr. to see if she would see him. This is a Neurologist's office so you would think the receptionist would understand and have some compassion. The Dr. agreed to see him. The receptionist then told me that there would a long wait because other patients who "got there on time" were now ahead of us. Grrrrrr. All I could do was ask her if she has ever lived with an Alzheimer's patient. I was not surprised when she said no.

I do have to say I am fortunate that his sweat glands under his arms have never worked so he doesn't have that odor but he still stinks. I am just waiting for him to get an infection because he won't change his underwear.
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I put a hand held extension on a shower head and it works great! I can get in the shower with my husband, giving him the liquid soap and letting him wash under his arms and genitals, and me washing his hair. There is a seat with two bar handles as well with a non-slip rubber mat, and it only takes about 4 - 5 minutes. How dirty can one get being inside daily? Don't fret over a shower too much. Twice a week should be all right, and will leave the good bacteria on the skin. I use Cottonelle disposable wipes for wiping genitals every day.
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Well I could have written that! My mom is exactly as you describe. It's so frustrating....especially when she has a doctor or dentist appointment. I can't just bring her in smelling as she does. Happens every time....I will say, "well you have a doctor's appt in a couple hours, time to shower." And before I'm even finished she will blurt out....I JUST took a shower this morning. She refused to let me help her with those adult bath wipes but when she does it herself...lets just say she is NOT helping the situation. It has gotten to the point where I just say, "well you forgot to wash your hair, back in the shower you go - I'm not taking you out to eat with me like that." She happens to love to go out to eat so I use that to my advantage - we can then go out to eat after the appointment. Ya, shower/bath time is NOT my favorite time. You have to figure SOMETHING out. Luckily she is 5 foot 1 and weighs 110 pounds, I'm 5 foot 6 and weigh 150 pounds.... I do understand and feel for you.
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When my friend over whom I have the POA for health care and finances became uncooperative with her attendants and would not let them clean her after she soiled herself, I found a hospital geri-pscyh ward with an opening and placed her there so they could find a combination of drugs that would help her be more compliant without doping her up. It took 3 1-2 weeks, all paid for by her health insurance, but the results were perfect. She could still function well at each stage of her declining abilities, but she was going through the end stages pretty rapidly after 8 years with frontal-temporal dementia and passed on 5 1-2 months after I got her into a memory care apartment in an assisted living facility. Her husband was with her the whole time and seldom showers and is resistant to that, but does a sponge bath almost daily and never smells. He thinks he is doing fine and gets resentful when asked about showering. Eventually I may have to go the geri-psych ward hospital visit with him, too. His dementia is progressing much more slowly. I am just thankful that there are answers out there for these problems. I would suggest considering this route for others having these behavioral issues. it's a stage of dementia and difficult to deal with otherwise.
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And what do you do with someone who can still semi functional and simply refuses to get in the shower because "he's already done that". You can point out that he's sitting there in the same clothes and the bathroom is completely dry and there are no wet towels and he just like looks at you like you have horns. He has a shower bench, security bars, anti slip flooring, sufficient lighting, perfect temperature for his age...you name it, he has it. IT HAS BEEN THREE MONTHS SINCE HE HAS HAD RUNNING WATER ON HIS BODY and probably a month since he's changed his clothes. And his "wash ups" at best with a rag are useless. And no, he won't let you "help" and becomes belligerent if you try. I am sick to death of this. SICK.TO.DEATH. Anyone else going through it?
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Lots of good ideas, with my dad, it was so nice for him to have a shower as he had a Harttman procedure and has a stoma. Luckily as the previous blogger... A large walk in shower. I would wear a bathing suit and whilst he was seated on a plastic garden chair, he would allow me to soap and shower him.
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Forgot to mention, that if shampooing is the major part that is difficult, just shower the body and take them to the hairdresser once a week. This also worked with my Mom for quite a while. A handheld shower does help a lot.
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With my Mom, the thing she disliked the most was having her hair shampooed. I eventually purchased her a shampoo halo I think it's called, it was actually invented for children, but fit my Mom just fine. I ordered it on-line from K-Mart, but I think you may be able to get one from Amazon. It's a plastic visor that's cupped and keeps the water from running into and down her face. It helped greatly. Also have something for them to hold onto, like a wash cloth or plastic toy or something. My sister used essential oils like lavender, she said she thought it helped. You could have them diffuse it in the bathroom before starting the shower. This was the most difficult piece for us, but eventually the battles ceased. The Alzheimer's Reading Room also has a good article on this. Sometimes we were unable to get her top and bra off before the shower, so she got a shower with her top and bra on, but then afterwards she was ready to have them off because they were wet and we would say,"oh look, lets get you in some dry clothes, these are soaking wet" and it worked. Then just wring them out and throw them right in the wash.
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While I've never seen them, I have read here frequently that YouTube also has some good videos on how to do many ADLs including showering.
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There is a class on the Alzheimer Association website called ADLs. It shoeers videos of many ways to shower people and lots of tipd to make it easier and less tramatic
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I have done several things for and with my husband...
At first I would go to resale stores and purchase a VERY inexpensive walker. He could stand in the shower holding the walker and then I could shower him.
Later we went to a bench that I placed close to a grab bar so he could hold on.
Last we went to an actual shower chair so I wheeled him from the bedroom to the shower.
(I must admit I am very luck in the fact that I have a large accessible shower that is even with the floor so there are no trip hazards or edges to go over)

I did learn from a physical therapist a few hints.
The torso and head are areas that they protect so start with the feet and legs so there is not an onslaught of water rushing at the head.
I also allowed my husband control of the hand held sprayer so he could move the water where he wanted I would take it back after a while but I would give him a wash rag.
The shower can be a noisy place with the water and the talking so keep your voice quiet and I often will turn the water off after getting my husband wet. That way the noise is gone and it is a much more relaxed room.

and while hygiene is important a shower every day is not. So if a day is skipped it is not the end of the world. There are no rinse foam soaps that can be used, a sponge bath or body wipes. At some point as the skin thins washing everyday is drying to the skin and bed bath is better. Further on, the more transfers that have to be done each come with a risk of a skin tear or a bump that may cause a bruise or an abrasion. As the CNA that comes from Hospice says...Benefit VS Burden with many things that we think would be "normal" or "routine"
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If you have space in your shower, try a shower bench or chair, which might be more relaxing. Also, to avoid the gush of water, get a shower head with a flexible hose and keep the water flow low and quiet and off of the persons head. Delta (75700 model) is about $25 on Amazon. You can also try a distraction for the persons hands, such as a toy,
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P.S. You can also give the person you're giving a bed bath to their own washcloth and let them wash themselves while you do your job and give the bed bath. The person feels more independent but they get clean in the process. That way they don't feel like something's being done TO them. They're participating.
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Have you considered a bed bath instead? There's nothing like a good, hot, scrubby shower but a bed bath can be less traumatic for someone with Alzheimer's.

Have several towels in which to cover the person and the area where you're not washing, put a disposable water-proof pad beneath them and wash from clean to dirty. Face, feet, legs, arms, hands, back, torso, perineal area. Even the hair can be washed on someone who's in bed with extra water-proof pads, towels, a pitcher of warm water and just a drop of shampoo. Protect the linens with pads and towels.

If a shower is a must for someone who is combative some folks think a tranquilizer prior to the shower helps. I'm not sure as it might make the person listless and harder to shower. It's a judgement call.
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