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Its terribly difficult sometimes, is there a way to keep her from getting anxious, cold and embarrassed? Mom has oxygen on in the shower, she gets too breathless without it. the water just drips right down that onto the floor. I wash her hair and back because its too hard for her to lift her arms and she gets breathless. We have a shower chair and a handheld. shower head. i try to do it fast so she doesn't get too cold. I feel like there has to be a more efficient way to help someone shower? I keep thinking it shouldn't be this hard and unpleasant for her.

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Yes hair last is good idea. Since you habe a handheld shower head try using it like a hairdresser. They put the spray very close to head and use other hand to direct the water to back of head and keep it away from face. This will help alot but do it last. Hope you and mom are safe and have a good day.
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Thank you Everyone- This is what I needed. Doing her hair is her least favorite part so i had her holding a washcloth over her eyes. I always feel like i am drowning her though. maybe I should do that last instead of first. I am still afraid of her falling when trying to get out. She is so wobbly. I am not sure how long she will be able to get a shower- its really getting difficult. Thanks Rosebush & Ruth Anne- I will try some of these !
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Michele77, Well I can tell you I'm the person you would hire for the job, that is one of the main jobs I do for my client who lives in an Adult Foster Home. Its not an easy task but I have found a couple things make it easier. I fill a small basin with warm water and body wash. I dont undress her until she is sitting in shower. I use basin to wash her having her stand only for private areas. Then and only then do i turn the water on and use the hand held shower head to rinse her and do her hair quickly as she hates this part. This works good shes only cold for a few minutes and we get it done. For me the hardest part is coxing her out of her clothes, from there its smooth sailing ( most of the time) hope this helps. Ruth Anne
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I would make sure I had a portable heater in bathroom and put it on about 45 ahead of time. Fill tub with bubble bath so moms feet were always warm. Undress mom and put a thin warm robe on her. Put towel on shower chair. I would was moms feet and leg first. Take robe off (lift robe over butt before she sits down) and wash body, Stand and wash orivate parts. Rinse that area before she sits back down . Wash hair last, rinse off. I put a terry cloth hat (turban) on mom. Had her stand again and put dry towel on seat. Dried her and put a large size robe on while still sitting on bench. I would cover the wheelchair with beach towels and then sit mom in the chair. Wheel into her room, dry and cream feet and legs, get socks on and warms pants, stand up, dry bottom and get pants on. Continue with upper half of body. When I washed my mom I would wear rubber glove to wash feet and between her toes and make sure you dry between each toe too. When mom was more mobile, I would dress her upper body before we left the bathroom. As mom got less mobile and I was afraid she would tilt and fall off shower chair i had my son sit in the shower so mom wouldnt fall off while I did the washing. I would shower mom once or twice a week but washed her every morning with a few squirts of no rinse soap in a bucket of water. As stated above, don't skimp on the towels, use as many as needed to keep mom warm. There really is no right or wrong way, just do what works for you. I would talk the entire shower and tell my mom exactly what I was doing. Wash between each finger like toes. Good luck
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Been there!

Call your local Elder Affairs and get her a Home Healthcare Aide... Medicare will pay for it. After an assesment she may qualify for other things. Also buy a small heater for the bathroom. I got one at Walmart for $11.

I know you're probably thinking "no way will she let someone else shower her", but if she was in the hospital or rehab she would have no choice..

If she doesn't financially qualify I would hire an aide to come in and do it.. Believe me when I say that's one job I'm glad I'm not involved in anymore!
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I gave up on this long ago, especially after 2 falls. I've been using No Rinse which I got at a drug store, and which was available for a brief hospitalization last year. It was through hospitals and rehab facilities that I learned about these no rinse products.

I can wash my father's hair while he's sitting comfortably and warmly in a chair. He can wash himself sitting comfortably and warmly in a chair as well, undressing only as necessary to wash a particular body part while the rest of him remains warmly clothed.

A towel to dry off is the only thing that's needed to finish - no shower head, no sitting shivering on a shower chair, no fall issues, no heaters in the bathroom creating an electrical hazard.
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Assemble the towels, wash cloths, shampoo and (I use) liquid soap ahead of time. Turn on the heater to warm the room to an uncomfortable (for you) temperature. Smile and begin the arguing back and forth about whether or not she needs to take a shower since she just took one yesterday (no she didn't) and she can get by with just a sink bath. Have lotions and dusting powder and antiseptic ointment to doctor afterward anything that needs to be doctored, greased or powdered. I use baby shampoo so it doesn't burn her eyes and baby soap because it's gentle and liquid.

Using the handheld shower head (at a temperature that you two will never agree on), wash and rinse and shampoo. If she can't stand the entire time, a bath bench is handy, ours is a transfer bench, it extends out of the tub and that way she is sitting while I lift her legs over the edge of the tub. She does stand while we wash the privates. I use Vagisil liquid soap for that area, rinsing well.

Due to her C shaped back, we can only wash hair in the shower. At the beauty shop, they get water all over her and she isn't comfortable at the shampoo sink.

Afterward we use as many towels as it takes to get good and dry (she never used but one towel in her whole life and it's wasteful for me to use so many towels) and lotion and powder and doctor and then get dressed. Then I use the hair dryer and dry and fix her hair while she sits on the end of the transfer bench and can see in the mirror. All done and by the time I get her breakfast cooked she has forgotten all about it.

The notes are to make you laugh a little, hopefully. There really isn't a good way that I've been able to figure out and over the years we have progressed from time to take a shower to a 30 minute discourse over how she just took a shower yesterday and doesn't need another one and can't she just clean up with a washcloth. She complains constantly that the water is too hot, too cold, I'm hurting her, I'm using too much soap, shampoo or towels. I make it as quick and painless as possible. I tried the one arm, etc. at a time keeping the rest of the body covered, but it took entirely too long and we both lost patience long before she was clean. A week is about as long as we can stand the smell of her, even though we do a quick wash up morning and night.

Good luck and hope this helps, even if it's just to make you smile!
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Michele, you got some good tips by the posters above. I found an article that also might be helpful https://www.agingcare.com/articles/elderly-parents-who-wont-shower-or-change-clothes-133877.htm
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We only shower 1-2 times a week. I was thinking maybe the were some tricks that might help. Thanks everyone
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Showers are difficult because the person has to be wet and naked = being cold and embarrassed. A bed bath might be better. Gather a few bath towels, a warm and sudsy basin of water and a wash cloth. Keep the areas you're not actively washing covered with bath towels so she won't feel so vulnerable.
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I meant bath robe. Could you just give a bath from the sink with her sitting in the bathroom. Close the door and turn on heater.
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Does she have to get a shower that often? I think I might cut down on them and bathe her in the bathroom with the heat on so that she stays warm. Keep her covered with a heated bath rob except for the places you are washing. Then cover it and move to the next area. There are also body wipes that can be used. They are made to wash the body between baths.

Try some dry shampoo in a can for her hair.. That could cut down on so many shampoos. Can you wash her hair other than in the shower? Maybe if you don't expose her body and hair to water at once, it might keep her temp up.

I'm sure other people know a lot more than this than me.Some caregivers deal with this all the time. I hope they will chime in.
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