I am struggling with progression, hard to handle, hard to please, sometimes scary and have been thinking I can't handle it anymore alternately doing ok, like a roller coaster. I find I am thinking a lot about it versus not having the heart to do it. How do I know what to do? I did have him a few half days a week at a Day center, which I thought worked well and I cherished the 4 hour respites. But the constant task of getting him up out of bed (and I mean task) and listening to the grumbling about going left me feeling like I had run a marathon by the time I took him there... so we quit that. Saving some money but no respite for me. I am trying to hold on with a support group, exercising and caring for myself, sometimes it seems to work and sometimes not. In total, I think how much better my life would be with placement but after 53 years of a loving relationship, I can't imagine going through with it. Really just at a loss which way to go, what can you tell me? Seems I am a willing but not able caregiver these days; want out but don't have the courage to do it, sorry to say. I really never thought I would get to this point. He was diagnosed 2-1/2 years ago but it was coming on a few years before that.

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Hi Luv, such difficult decisions that must be made! My Mom was in memory care/assisted living. A number of residents had spouses visiting them. In my opinion it comes down to a few factors.
Understanding that someone in her 70s can't really handle all of the physical steps to care for a husband. Add to that thought, the availability of shifts of aides to help him and typically activities to stimulate and occupy him. Placement allows you to be the loving wife rather than the cook, cleaner, bather, etc.
Have you explored facilities near you? They vary regionally as well as locally. I visited SO-O many places before I found 'THE one'. If there are financial resources, I think you might find that Assisted living/ Memory care works well. But it is primarily private pay, so figure out your financial resources first.
Can you use the funds that you were dedicating t o Adult Care and hire a home health aide to do the bathing, getting out of bed, etc. etc.  2 1/2 years of caregiving 24/7 for an adult (who is your spouse) is a V E R Y long time. Are there any family or friends that can give you some respite time to visit facilities and clear your head enough to make a decision?? Actually, many facilities will take someone for a short time to give the caregiver some respite. Once you find a possible place, you might try that. Keep us posted!!
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