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He's sitting in my husbands chair. Since wife died, In Law, sits in my husbands lazy boy from 4-8pm. I had told my husband he is a guest in our part of the house, and should be in his wheelchair or on the couch. I am very agitated with my husband sitting in the guest spots in our small living room. It was my idea to have his parents move in, but after 6 years of it...I am starting to regret it. Seems like my husbands priority is his Dad, and I am 2nd. I don't socialize much with his Dad, just enough to be cordial. I wonder if I am just being selfish and unreasonable. I leave the house to have some privacy. My husband never goes into his dads side of the house to visit with him...it is always in our side of the house. His Dad never made friends, has none...wants everyone to talk with him, he doesn't talk as the wife he had did all the talking, and has no interests...has spent the last 30 years in front of the TV set. Doesn't want to go to senior center, my husband takes him out with him on all the errands he runs to get him out. My husband isn't a big talker either. There aren't a lot of common interests between him and his Dad, so there isn't a lot of conversation. Don't know what to do about this situation...didn't know it would be so irritating.

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You are a bit too touchy about this. Men bond by doing things together, not talking about it. Get rid of the couch and replace with more lazyboys. Why should he have to sit in a wheelchair anyhow?
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If Dad is just watching TV, there's no reason he has to be on your side of the house. If he comes for "visits" or meals or whatever seems appropriate, that is fine. But if he's basically now just living on your side, I have to feel for you. I disagree with the person who said you're being too touchy and all that crap about men and how they deal with each other.

The bottom line is that it's partly your place and you now seem to feel like you have to leave to get any peace. The problem is that you can't change the behavior of others. So, if your husband and father-in-law don't want to set some boundaries so that you can have some peace and quiet, then, and as much as it pains me to suggest this to you, you do have to find more ways to leave the house.

It's unfair to you that I'm suggesting that you leave your own house, I know, because you don't deserve to be pushed out. But I'm a realist. If you don't leave and find ways to get out and get away, I think you're just stuck there.

So, instead of worrying about father-in-law taking up guest spots, don't have guests. Meet your friends and family elsewhere. If you tell them why, most of them will be understanding. Just tell them there's too much togetherness and you need time away to balance it. It's nicer than pulling on your hair and shrieking "OMG! I just can't take it anymore!!!" and leaves you a bit of dignity about it. :-)
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Anyone who believes there is assigned seating in their living room needs serious help. Tell your MD about the guest vs host seating and I think a little Valium would clear things up.
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Why not buy another lazy boy? In fact, get two. They are VERY comfortable. If that is your biggest complaint about an inlaw living with you, consider yourself lucky.

I am more concerned with Dad is priority 1 and you have become number 2. Could you explain that a little more?
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Living room very small..no room for another chair.
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Can you set up a tv area in your bedroom just for you and your husband? That way the two of you could watch tv, talk and have your private time away from FIL. If space is tight, move furniture from the bedroom to other parts of the house to allow you more room for a tv and recliner.

I would tell husband you love and need him too. I'd explain that his devotion to his dad is a wonderful trait, but you need more one on one time.

Maybe, FIL doesn't want to get out and socialize. That could be for a number of reasons, but it might be a good idea to encourage him to attend some kind of senior event at least once per week, whether, it's church or civic. I would really insist on it. Push it as much as possible even if you all go and stay with him. Maybe, it will appeal to him and he will want to return.
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Does it bother your husband that his father is sitting in the recliner? If it does, then it's his responsibility to have him move over. We took out the love seat and replaced with two recliners in our living room. Our couch has reclining seats. Everybody has a recliner. Let me tell you, when you're old, comfort is more important than just about anything else. If you don't believe me, you sit in the wheelchair for a while. They are not comfortable at all. It's also better for his circulation to have the legs elevated, rather than hang down.

My MIL is not a guest in our home, this has been her home for the past 6 years. I love the way my husband has stepped up to the plate and become a much more patient and caring son. First for his father and now for his mother. Your husband wouldn't take his father running errands if he didn't want to. Maybe you need to check into having a home health aide or sitter come in for a few hours in the evening, say once a week, and stay with your FIL while you and your husband go to a movie and dinner or something. They are about $20/hour with a minimum of 2 or 3 hours, but it can be money well spent. By the way, men do not talk as much as women. Saw a study the other day that measured the number of words a day, man vs. woman. Don't remember the details, but it was not surprising that women talk more than men.

Just like when our children were at home, my husband and I have our private time after MIL's bedtime.
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