After two weeks in the assisted living facility my mom is intensely unhappy. How much time should we let pass by if she continues to feel so uncomfortable?

Leave your mom there, she will adjust. Those places are equipped with people who know what to do, we don't.

I wish my mom would leave her home and go some place. It would be so much better than her laying there worrying about whether the insurance bill get's paid, or if she should paint the house, or when the guy is coming to pull weeds in the back yard, (although I've been doing that). Just seems like too much bull for mom to go through. She needs peace, not a bunch of worry. God knows if she was somewhere else I'd be there all the time without having to deal with my sister and her family. It would just be a lot more pleasant.

She's use to the weather in Cali and a change to Tenn would blow her mind!

Speak with your relatives about visiting her. I do not believe in putting someone away and then dissapearing and maybe your relatives need to know how she's feeling. It's an adjustment but give it some time.

Before you know it your mom will be having her very own Tea Parties and you guys won't even be invited :)

Hope this helps.

I believe there is misunderstanding no told any one to have a parent move in with them, I myself did not know how bad my mom wass. placing her in the assisting living was the best thing for me. However if you was not that bad Yes I would have taken her in, however when our elder's have dementia, our homes are not the right place for them. i do agree. i was just giving the pesron that is not wrong to have to place a love one in a nrsing home, and not to be them. Sorry you misunderstood my words.I was just giving kind advice that a change takes time and it s the best place at times, so they can get the best care they need in a nursing home or assisting living. Love and kindness means the most to them.

Do not move her in with you,she could be unhappy with you also.My dad has been in the care home 6 weeks and he now joins in with the other residents.He so needed people his own age.I thought he would fight the change to the end But he as now accepted that after being with me 5 years it was the only solution to our problems. I see him most days and have found that our relationship has improved.I love him very much but could not live with him again.He has just been diagnosed with vascular dementia which is effecting his behaviour. Its early days yet but give them time elderly people don't take to change well.

I would think very careful about moving her in with you if she is having a hard time adjusting there she probably would with you also-give it more time if you want her closer to you move her to your area so you could visit often or take her home for the day-it usually becomes a big mistake having an elder live with the children when they are so dependent on others.

Thank you so much. but my passed away from a long battle with Alzheimer's late last year, but I was with her by her bedside. You see I had no help from any of her family members only my uncle (her brother and my husband). when every one heard the word Alzheimers they just did not care. You take care of your mom. Thank you for your reply.

Giver her some time. See if you can someone from the neighbor hood to visit . When you go to visit bring some pictures of the family and yourself, or mail them. they love stuff animals or some music or a picture book. My mom was in New York and I live in Florida, my job did work with me so I was able to see her alot, but I did have to move her to Florida since I had no one to make visit's after she did not know anyone.Every move is a big change on them. When my mom came to Florida from New York I had planned on her living with us, but was not told how bad the Alzheimers/Dementia was. So we found a place close by and when it came time we had to place her there. At first it was hard but for two years they took good care of her, I was there every day. Caregiving is very hard on the body and mind. But we do what we can. Take care.

I agree with Anne, I would not move her out. Every move is just another change. We moved my Mom 3 times and she is still not happy but this is where she will stay. I tried taking care of her and so did my sister and it didn't work. Being her caregiver was taking its toll on us both. After a while she will become adjusted to this environment. She may still be unhappy but she will get adjusted. You on the other hand do not need to move her in with you, nor do your other relatives. Once you do, it is harder than ever to move them out when that need arises.

This is just my two cents.....As Carol said, if family members nearby pay more attention to your mother, that would definitely help. If the center she is living in is clean and she is well cared for there, I see no reason to move her out of there. In my experience, I learned that everything my elderly parents "ask" for is not necessarily the right thing to give them. I learned I have to set limits to protect my own health. I learned that both of my parents were losing the ability to have rational thought and that I had to be strong and make some tough decisions. ( even if this made me "unpopular"). Maybe your mother could use medication to help control her mood. You could talk to her doctor about this situation. But I would go real slowly about any decision to move her out of there. With the proper support from family in your mother's area, she could adjust to living there in time.

Is there a reason why the family members nearby your mom could not have her live with them ? It seems that that would be the better solution, if there is one, instead of moving far away with you. I agree that you should probably give it some more time to see how she feels about the move. If she's mentally and physically stable and she still hates her new place after about a month or two, maybe you could talk to the other family members about taking her in. If on the other hand she needs too much care for family to deal with, there is probably no other choice but for her to stay. Good luck and I hope your mom adapts to her new home and begins to enjoy it.

Since she has lived in CA so long and has family members nearby, it seems you should give her more time to adjust. I hope the family members are paying attention to her. Two weeks isn't very long and change is hard for anyone, let alone someone her age. There's no set time, but if the center is a good one, they should be able to get her to start engaging. She could turn out to love it, but it will take time. Another move may not be much easier.

Keep tabs on her though. You are right to watch carefully.
Carol