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Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
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How do you know when it is time for a loved one to be placed in memory care? Wouldn’t placement confuse them further so they lose th memory they still have?
Blunt truth: Your LO's condition will continue to worsen. Dementia isn't only loss of memory. It's loss of executive function, maybe loss of understandable speech, loss of mobility, empathy, etc. etc. until there is nothing else to lose.
Placement can confuse them, no doubt about it. Dementia patients lose cognition for any number of reasons - could be natural progression of their disease, a change that they don't understand (such as placement or their dog died), loss of faculties such as eyesight or hearing, and on and on.
BUT placement can also help them retain what they still have. Social connections in a facility can restore their interest in life around them, which they may lose when it's just you and LO stuck in a house with a TV and few visitors. And let's not forget their frustrated and exhausted caregiver who could benefit from a LO's placement (you, whose dog-and-pony show entertainment skills may have been exhausted years ago).
A care facility will have entertainment, plus aides who work an 8-hour shift rather than 24/7, which helps them to be cheerful ALL the time, which they are paid to do. Eating is a social time at a communal table where they help each other, share food, and even laugh at their own inside jokes. They are locked in, which seems awful at first, but they are safe and you no longer have to worry about their escaping the house in the middle of the night and ending up lying in a ditch. Their world shrinks just like it would in their own homes, but with a difference - they find their peace and pleasure with their devoted aides and their fellow residents that they sit with on the couch, sometimes holding hands to reassure each other. Or singing to each other. Or letting their friend hold their precious "baby," their doll, which they love as they did their own babies years ago.
Do what you want, but be realistic about what is going to happen and your ability to handle it at home. Professional caregivers are just that - specially trained people who know how to comfort those in their care, even if their charges are at first confused about the new place in which they find themselves.
Kathleen, you are obviously overwhelmed with your husbands care since you've posted 3 separate posts referring to issues your having with your husband within the last hour. You must remember that caregiving only works when it works for all involved, and right now I don't believe that it's working for you. And that's ok. We all have our breaking points. Your husband will adjust to his new home in memory care and it will allow you to get back to just being his loving wife and advocate, and not his burned out and overwhelmed caregiver. I wish you well in finding the right facility for your husband.
Last part first. Any change can cause a decline. that change could be a move to Memory Care or it could even be an illness, a vacation trip, a medical appointment where a procedure is done like a dental appointment, when is it time? YOU decide that. I based my decision on SAFETY. If it ever became unsafe for ME to care for him at home I would have placed him. If it ever became unsafe for HIM for me to care for him at home I would have had to place him. Thankfully I had Hospice and the encouragement and equipment that kept us both safe so I was able to keep him home. YOU know what you can manage. Placing someone in Memory Care is accepting that their care is more than you can manage at home. It is not you giving up, or a failure it is a step in keeping you both safe.
My grandpa became entirely too much for us to handle. He needed someone around all the time and that is not feasible since we work. He refused in home care and even treated the PT/OT people sent out to help in a way that embarrassed me (and sometimes them) He started getting so argumentative and was angry all the time. The smallest things would set him off, and when I say set him off I mean he would have an all out temper tantrum. He would throw things and threaten everyone in the house. I lived in a constant state of anxiety and was truly falling into depression over the loss of connections as every one else stopped coming around and the isolation was so immense. He had already stopped being able to handle most of his ADL's so when he had a 'break' he ended up in an ALF due to the suggestion of a social worker (or two). That didnt last long because he brought the same issues there that he was causing at home and they finally said they couldnt handle him. He was placed in MC and although he is probably one of the higher fuctioning residents, he is definitely where he needs to be. His response to anyone telling him NO about anything is to threaten others and himself. MC is prepared to deal with that behaviour. I still have a lot of anxiety when it comes to him BUT, I know he is safe and where he needs to be. He has around the clock care and although he cannot wait to spout lies and derogatory things about everyone there to literlaly anyone who will listen, I KNOW they are all doing what they can to make him comfortable. When I go there to visit it is VERY clear to me that there is no way I could have handled him at this point. If you are asking a public forum, it is time.
When they start wandering off or leaving the oven on etc., it’s time. If she is otherwise easy to handle, I’d look into those 6-resident board and care homes with a family staff to attend to them individually.
For me, I was at the home from morning until evening and worrying she would go out at night. The only thing was her fear of the dark. I had dealt with kitchen fires, not bathing often, confusion, not paying bills, then her insistence a doll was a real baby. I worked hard to keep her home. Then one morning I arrived and the neighbor said he saw her walk off just minutes before I arrived. He knew of her condition. We had been friends for years. Anyway, I found her. That was the last straw. I knew I couldn't keep her safe. Frankly, I should've done something sooner but felt guilty like I wouldn't be being a good daughter if I did. I promptly had an ambulance pick her up because she wanted to leave again. She had a delusion about needing to take the baby somewhere. She has done fine. She is clean, fed, seen by doctors, dentist, optometrist, PT/OT. She socializes with others there. I can always take her out for little trips for Ice cream or for McDonald's treat. So to answer your question, don't think about your feelings. Just think about how much your loved one will benefit from it. Good luck to you.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Blunt truth: Your LO's condition will continue to worsen. Dementia isn't only loss of memory. It's loss of executive function, maybe loss of understandable speech, loss of mobility, empathy, etc. etc. until there is nothing else to lose.
Placement can confuse them, no doubt about it. Dementia patients lose cognition for any number of reasons - could be natural progression of their disease, a change that they don't understand (such as placement or their dog died), loss of faculties such as eyesight or hearing, and on and on.
BUT placement can also help them retain what they still have. Social connections in a facility can restore their interest in life around them, which they may lose when it's just you and LO stuck in a house with a TV and few visitors. And let's not forget their frustrated and exhausted caregiver who could benefit from a LO's placement (you, whose dog-and-pony show entertainment skills may have been exhausted years ago).
A care facility will have entertainment, plus aides who work an 8-hour shift rather than 24/7, which helps them to be cheerful ALL the time, which they are paid to do. Eating is a social time at a communal table where they help each other, share food, and even laugh at their own inside jokes. They are locked in, which seems awful at first, but they are safe and you no longer have to worry about their escaping the house in the middle of the night and ending up lying in a ditch. Their world shrinks just like it would in their own homes, but with a difference - they find their peace and pleasure with their devoted aides and their fellow residents that they sit with on the couch, sometimes holding hands to reassure each other. Or singing to each other. Or letting their friend hold their precious "baby," their doll, which they love as they did their own babies years ago.
Do what you want, but be realistic about what is going to happen and your ability to handle it at home. Professional caregivers are just that - specially trained people who know how to comfort those in their care, even if their charges are at first confused about the new place in which they find themselves.
You must remember that caregiving only works when it works for all involved, and right now I don't believe that it's working for you.
And that's ok. We all have our breaking points.
Your husband will adjust to his new home in memory care and it will allow you to get back to just being his loving wife and advocate, and not his burned out and overwhelmed caregiver.
I wish you well in finding the right facility for your husband.
Any change can cause a decline.
that change could be a move to Memory Care or it could even be an illness, a vacation trip, a medical appointment where a procedure is done like a dental appointment,
when is it time?
YOU decide that.
I based my decision on SAFETY.
If it ever became unsafe for ME to care for him at home I would have placed him. If it ever became unsafe for HIM for me to care for him at home I would have had to place him.
Thankfully I had Hospice and the encouragement and equipment that kept us both safe so I was able to keep him home.
YOU know what you can manage.
Placing someone in Memory Care is accepting that their care is more than you can manage at home. It is not you giving up, or a failure it is a step in keeping you both safe.
So to answer your question, don't think about your feelings. Just think about how much your loved one will benefit from it. Good luck to you.