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I've been living/caring for my mom for eight years now. The last couple has been the worst with her health. She was just recently diagnosed with lung disease. I don't want her to have to move anywhere but I'm honestly overwhelmed. I have a fifteen year old son and they don't get along well. He has ADHD, and gets on her nerves and she gets upset and shouldn't be. I feel in the middle, and feel like I could have a nervous breakdown down. We have no (helpful) family and in home care has never worked out. I feel like she would be more comfortable in assisted living, but she won't willingly agree. She turns 66 next week, which is young for all the health issues. Her lung specialist told us she won't live to see 70 due to lungs/breathing. Real good bedside manners. He came in, sat down, and that's what came out of his mouth first instead of explaining the x-ray results. Any advice, tips, suggestions would be great. I know many of you have your hands fuller then mine, and I don't mean to complain but I only want what's best for everyone in my situation including myself. My health is starting to be negatively affected as well. Love and light to you all, and thanks in advance for your time and suggestions.

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DianneKK, could your Mother afford to hire caregivers to come into the house to help out. If she refuses caregivers, tell her the caregivers are not for her, the caregivers are for you to give you much needed help. You need to catch your breath.

As you already know caregiving around the clock is so exhausting. I don't know of any other job where one works 168 hours per week with no days off, no pay, no benefits, and you need to work even if you yourself are sick.

Around the clock caregivers can be very expensive, but Assisted Living cost half as much. If Mom cannot afford either, have her apply for Medicaid. Medicaid will pay for a continuing care facility, something which your Mom might not want to do. You would need to shop around for the nursing home that feels right.

There comes a time where your Mom has no other choice but to accept a higher level of care.
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Your profile says that your mother has dementia. Plus, she has some serious medical problems. Since you are feeling overwhelmed and your son is not okay with the way things are, then, I'd make arrangements for her to move to AL. You say that you are near having a nervous breakdown. That would be bad not only for your, but your son and mother.

With dementia, it's quite common for the person who needs the help to resist going to AL or Memory Care. Why not have her assessed to see what level of care that she needs and locate a place that she could get the care she needs. Since she's living in your home, it's your call about whether she continues to live with you or not. She may not be mentally able to comprehend why she needs care in AL.

According to your mom's doctor, he thinks that her condition is very serious, so, her day to day care is only going to increase. I hope you are able to work things out. You'll probably get other responses from adult children who have gone through this kind of thing before. It can't be easy. Don't forget to take care of yourself too.
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