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Mum is getting worse shes just no capable of being alone when AND why? did any of you have to start looking at NHs. This is the hardest thing for anyone to have to do but my mums not safe and i just cant be here 24/7 anymore im so drained everyday is a new drama. Its like she progressing very fast!

I wish we had more AL here but we dont Ireland is very backward when it comes to giving a crap about elderly!

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26 euros an hour for caregivers for dementia thats 50000plus a year?? A nh would cost us 5000 for 3yrs? and not have to be paid until the house was sold. Your friend is very lucky to afford this! I think its just something we dream of!!
If i were to leave here she would be all alone but a carer to come in everyday and evening for an hour? then shes alone all night?
Its the hardest decision we will ever have to make and i just dread whats ahead of us (sorry did i say US?) i mean me siblings dont seem to worry?
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Well, you might be able to get live in caregiver, but that is expensive and not easy to find good reliable and caring ones. Best if you can ask around to local geriatric dr offices, senior centers or church groups who might know of someone. There are people who do this, my friend found a great live in for his mom. She does get vacation and time off when family members or respite care giver kicks in. They are on their 2nd yr with this woman. It may not last for ever, but for now she gets to stay at home vs nursing home. They are paying her a decent wage plus she now has a small apt within the home. She gets paid vacations and they are supplementing her healthcare.

Good luck. If you can't find this, then find the best NH you can afford and try to visit when you can. It's the best you can do for her and you will be a better daughter without the day to day worries and caregiver responsibilities.
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Ha! pam thats been happening for years! This falling is new shes fallen twice now? no serious damage yet? Came home to icecream taken from freezer and put in fridge??????? had a huge mess to clean up again! all the veg covered in icecream? what a life!
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Well, I thought my mother was about ready for assisted living, possibly memory care, about a year ago. She's still living in her home though, by herself. "Independently," yeah, RIGHT. She relies on her neighbor, me, and pure dumb luck to get by (no real illness, no falls yet, etc.). She gets worse as the months go on, with her memory and ability to comprehend. Just last week, I managed to get her companion and transportation assistance twice a week, for a few hours at a time. I know the flip side of her being so stupid-stubborn about this is that she saved herself a year's worth of expenses that Assisted Living would have cost, but come on already. I promise myself that no matter what else is going on in my life, the first weekend after she finally moves, somehow I'm going to celebrate.
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I'm at home with my mom 24/7 and I still have to pick her up from the floor. She stayed in a memory care for respite for 2 wks and got her finger stuck somewhere and had to get 4 stitches. What I'm saying is....you can place her somewhere where there are medical professionals and stuff still happens but she won't be alone and that is one of the most important things you have to consider. Good luck
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Kazza, no one, repeat, no one person can look after a dementia patient. It takes three shifts. With my mom, we tried after her stroke to move her to al, she had previously been in independent living. But she kept falling, even when there were aides close by. She's happy where she is, nice Catholic affiliated home with a lovely priest and several nuns. Pictures of Madonnas and various Popes in the hallways. You've done your best for her, you'll be a far better advocate and carer when you're not so worried all the time.
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When they fall repeatedly, or when they don't tell you they fell but they have bruises, when there are ashes next to the stove, the pans are scorched, the meds are mixed up, the bills aren't paid or are paid twice, the car is covered with scratches and dents, the food in the fridge is rotten, there are bugs in the pantry and they remember things that never happened, it is time.
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