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Mom is 82 and in the end stage of her disease, but her grip is unbelievable. Every inch of moms body is frail and weak and you would never imagine she would have that kind of strength in her hands. She holds our hands with the strongest and tightest grip possible and she never use to do that. Anyone else’s mom do this?

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My mother has recently done this at night. She holds our arms and hands so tight it almost puts me down and it hurts, she is 97 years old and weighs about 115 lbs. and is so strong. My mom ever did this before and she gets really aggressive. I told her doctors and her pharmacist about it yesterday, they both think it might be a nightmare, but I think it might be something else. Sometimes at night she starts screaming and yelling saying" I have to protect myself" and we wake up to find her holding her arm and hand tight. I checked her hand and it was bleeding a little. I put on winter thick mittens which works very well. Turning is much smoother and safer for us all. Doctor said he could give her something, but was worried about the side effects. She was tested for a UTI and results are. pending.
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NobodyGetsIt Sep 5, 2020
Dear "earlybird," - I feel bad that your mom is having this experience and I'm sure it's frightening for her. I tend to lean toward what the doctors and pharmacist think - it might be a nightmare. Did you look at the medication(s) she takes to see if something like that is a side effect?

However, I'm glad she's been tested for a UTI - it amazes me that those infections can wreak havoc on people in a variety of ways. Hopefully, now that she's been able to drink more fluids, she won't get them as often or as bad.

At least you came up with a good solution of thick mittens - to keep all of you safe!

Hugs to you both! :)
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My mom was in her nineties but had the strong grip. Home care workers had a hard time getting her turned because she would grab the bars, or them, and you couldn't prise her hand off. She had long fingernails too, so I had to trim them down because she could cause some damage. I think they are uneasy about their balance and safety also, so they grip much harder than normally. Just tell your mom that she is safe and you will not let her fall. Wish I could still hold my Mom's hand.
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VickyC Sep 5, 2020
The same with mom. When she gets a grip on something or someone (especially while bathing her) we sometimes have to pry her fingers off just to release them. So sorry that you can’t hold your moms hands anymore. I know one day that will come for us too but until then I will enjoy all the hand holding I can get!
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Is this just meant to be an observation or are you having a problem with it? If she's digging in or squeezing uncomfortably you might want to use Teepa Snow's hand under hand technique as demonstrated at the start of this video:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?list=PL7B4EF8BBF5868559&time_continue=10&v=IxwJgDg3bYU&feature=emb_logo
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VickyC Sep 5, 2020
Not it’s not a problem at all! Just an observation that someone at her stage can be so frail but have some much strength in her hands. I don’t think I have as much as she does to be honest. Just wondering if this was common with anyone else.
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Yes, a strong grip isn't unusual. I used to say Hi to others in my wife's MC unit. One elderly and frail woman had a grip like a vice and wouldn't let go. I didn't want to pry my fingers lose so I sat with her until she finally eased up.
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VickyC Sep 5, 2020
❤️
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Don't complain. My mother won't touch me. Not even a hug.
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NobodyGetsIt Sep 5, 2020
Now that is truly sad "Midkid58," and painful for you I'm sure.

Wondering if it's because of the virus or if she's always been that way towards you. From your "screenname" if it means you're a middle child - I know a lot of middle children often feel left out, lost in the shuffle or feel a sense of not having an identity while the oldest or youngest are often favored.
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Dear "VickyC,"

Yes, but not with my mom's hands holding mine as she lives in an ALF in their memory care unit and I can't go inside her room. However, I do window visits and I've seen it through the window.

She has been frail and weak after surviving severe dehydration and COVID in April. She was completely mobile and able to dress herself prior to that. She is 95 1/2. She is bedridden, can't walk on her own, can't dress herself and has lost 25+ lbs since all of that happened to her.

With that being said, to me it tells me a "strong determination" - she doesn't want to let go of your hands. When my mom needed something out of her reach, she pulled at the bed rails with all her might to get what she needed/wanted. Think about it like this when you want something really bad - the saying "where there's a will, there's a way!"
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VickyC Sep 5, 2020
I think your right, she doesn’t want to let us go! I just think it’s so amazing to have this kind of strength when she’s so frail.
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