I am getting very close to finding mom a place to live that is not in my house. Between dementia and incontinence, it is getting very difficult for me. But it just does not seem like any level is really the right fit currently. When she gets a little bit worse, yes, but not today.
IL, no way.
AL, doubtful. She has mild maybe getting close to moderate dementia. She needs medical help, prompts for many/most things, bladder/incontinence issues, etc.
SNF, seems too with it for this?
MC, kind of, but it seems like most in MC are of the more severe dementia type and that would not be a good fit while she is not in that category yet.
It may seem like I'm making excuses, but it just doesn't seem like anything fits.
She is 79 and continues to decline. She has a hard time remembering what to do. Can't retain info that she's told and therefore asks the same questions about what/when/who. She used to read a lot but is now having a hard time following books. Used to play a lot of cards but can't remember the rules and needs nearly constant prompts to play.
I know a facility will be happy to help me figure this out, but I don't know if I'm ready to sit down with someone because I feel the pressure will be on to make it actually happen. I don't want to be pushed into it. Just trying to mentally prepare for the rather inevitable.
Homes for the elderly were known as Board and Care Homes and the name still persists as a common term to describe a licensed residential care home. In the vernacular of the State, these homes are also known as RCFE’s (Residential Care Facilities for the Elderly).
Must be Certified.
You may benefit from hiring an Aging Life Care Coordinator in your area.
Other names are a Certified Care Manager.
Advocacy, Assessment, Crisis Intervention, Care Management, Consultation, Counseling, Education, Entitlements, Guardianship/Conservatorship, Information/Referral, Placement.
There should be no pressure. It really is okay to care for someone at home, as long as you are able and willing, and get the help that is always required because no one can sustain care for 24/7 alone.
Adding, but not accusing you, it is important to not get Caregiver Burnout, Compassion Fatigue, or be in denial.
A professional Aging Life Care Coordinator or Manager can also make an assessment of the caregiver's resources and needs.
It is good that you asked here, ahead of that time, before a crisis determines placement for your Mom.
Burnout and compassion fatigue are real and I'm sure I have a bit of each.
I do have some aides and am increasing it.
Also, its not up to you to determine what level of care mom needs. The AL would do an assessment and make that determination for you.
Good luck!
Just this past weekend I had someone come in on the weekend so hubby and I could go out to a birthday party and a wake. It was nice not to have to worry about what she was up to and if she were having a good day or a bad day cognitively.
Oh boy, I could definitely need much more wisdom!