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I had a absolutely wonderful 7 day vacation, and have been home for 2 days. My sister stayed with Mom and did little to nothing.....including letting mom take her own meds, and walk without her walker. I didn't care. I was reveling in the afterglow of the best vacation I have ever had.

Since I have been back, Mom is nasty and accusatory and is trying to start an argument non stop. She is like she was when I first started coming here. We have come so far since then! Is she Jealous? Is she mad because I left her? Did all the BS my sister, (in denial about the dementia) fed her about " You can do whatever you want. Boni is not your boss" like she did the last time, blow up the calm,scheduled happy coexistence I worked so hard to achieve?

It's like she is trying to give me double the stress that I was able to put aside for a week. Massage.......wasted....tension muscles killing me. No need for Valium for chest pains for a week. 6 taken in 2 days. The night before last, I came close to calling 911. I thought I was having a heart attack.

Is this normal behavior? I am ready to walk OUT!

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Boni, it's the change of caregivers. And what your mom was able to get away with. My father will listen to whatever anyone says but me. They are always right, or know better than me. So, we constantly have conflicts. I'm the sterner caregiver who insists he can do things. Oldest sis is the babysitter who jumps to everything he wants - and Now. I refuse to do this or that, and the minute I sit down, he wants me to do this or that. Then the minute I sit down, he has another errand for me. I got fed fast, and now refuse to jump to his requests. But because sis is the daytime caregiver, and I take over when I get home from work and the weekends, he gets 2 very different kind of caregiving. He complains about me to everyone because I'm a terrible daughter, whereas oldest sis is the good one.

Your mom got so used to your sisters "stories" and their way of caregiving (no restrictions), that when you came back home, and started back to your routine - you really do look like the bad guy (with restrictions.) If it helps, my dad accuses me of being a communist because I control his pills, to use the remote control himself to raise the bed (he has a working hand to do it, I don't need to do it for him), to exercise his legs, etc.... Wow, just typing this... sounds like I'm his mother and not his daughter. I agree with the others, I hope she gets back to routine fast. {{Hugs}}
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Hooray! you had a great vacation.. Boo! your sisters are nitwits...
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And, sorry, to answer the question: I suspect it's neither the dementia nor your mother's personality but your sister's idiotic and pig-ignorant meddling that is to blame. x
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Boni I am cheering wildly that you got a holiday.

Then booing fiercely at your sister's "she can't tell you what to do" childish bollocks grrrrr - there goes my nervous tic again.

Make that holiday your happy place. Carry it with you while you sort out the devastation and havoc at home, so that you can smile beatifically at your mother and say "Well! I had THE most marvellous time - WISH you could have seen it." Then blow her a kiss and carry on about your business singing "hooray hooray it's a holi-holiday" or similar and breaking into a conga.

And don't forget to tell her "back to normal, now. My care, my rules" with a hug and a kiss, if that's normal for you.

That's the trouble with stopping banging your head against the brick wall, I'm afraid - it reminds you of how great it is not to have to do it. But you STILL did have that glorious break, please don't lose the feeling. xxx
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Yay, Brothers! Yay, AC!

Glad you have some support.

I hope things get quickly back to the baseline you worked so hard to establish.

You absolutely MUST have respite. If the only way you can arrange it is via the sisters, so be it. You'll develop a routine for getting things back to "normal" upon your return. But if there is any other way, if you could hire some respite service for Mom, that would be easier on you both.

Do what you can/have to. You are an awesome caregiver.
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Thank you all for your responses. I discussed it with my 2 wonderful brothers,and we recognize it as a pattern when she spends too much time with "the sisters". While I was gone they made and notarized Mom's funeral arrangements, insisting that it was at her request. BIG LIE! My brother, the Lawyer and her legal rep, and my other brother, her medical rep are as angry as I am. This too shall pass. Thank GOD for my brothers! Thank GOD for my AC friends!
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Boni,
Your posts are always so positive, hate to see you are going through this. I think she will settle down back to "normal".
Be strong,
L
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She is pouting. Separation anxiety is what they call it. Maybe she needs some Valium. I would give her mine, then I wouldn't need any.
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((((Boni)))) I hope you regain the lost ground quickly. I suspect it is just she had a week of self governing when your sister was there. You probably seem a bit Gestapo to her at the moment. We know it is because you know what needs to be done.

So jealous of the vacation. It sounds like you had a great time. I don't think I'd ever want to come back. :)
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By "coming here" I meant AC. I am HERE 24/7/350. Just wanted to clarify.
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