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My Mum suffers from anxiety and does not leave the house ever since my Dad died in 2012. I was wonting to become her carer but don't no if the doctors or the social would let me

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Minipati, please note that not everyone is cut out to be caregiver... just like everyone is not cut out to be a brain surgeon, a State trooper, a politician, a firefighter.

Why push someone into a new "career" that they know isn't right for them.... thus not working in the best interest of the love one that needs care.
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Have to retract my statement. I should have read the full text of what she wrote.
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I don't think minpati is a serious person. I only see two really short responses that look pretty dumb.
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I find it interesting that someone who cares for their father, living at independent living is so quick to tell others that they are being selfish or should quick their careers.
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Dee ripp you don't say how old your mum is or how old you are. Could this be a lifelong commitment for you? Minipati says it would be selfish of you to not take care of her but that doesn't mean you have to devote your life to the job. Read the 10 million posts on this site about caregiver burnout and then consider how much you can do or if you need in home help or assited living for mom.
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You should just take care of your mother and do your family duties. Shirking from them is nothing but selfish.
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Dee, you don't need permission to be a caregiver. You can just start to help in whatever way you can. The advice about getting your mother some medical help is excellent. The world can be a scary place to someone with an anxiety disorder. I have had some bouts with panic disorder and agoraphobia, so I know how bad it can be. One really has to work at getting well.

Things that I found that help are medication (antidepressant and Xanax), eating good meals, drinking water, but most important: getting out. I embraced the saying "Feel the fear and do it anyway" and would make myself get out of the house as much as I could stand. There were times that the fear and derealization were very bad, but a person has to work through it. Maybe you can help your mother do that. One step at a time.

I would say the first step is getting her medical help. This will be hard to do if she won't leave home. I wish that every city had a visiting home care service to help people with agoraphobia.
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I would caution you not to be immersed in the depth of your mother's mental illness, rather stay grounded at the shore and try to help her from there. Keep enough distance as to not drown with her. Best of luck to you
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I have been suffering from anxiety and panic attacks since high school, during those years I have also developed social anxiety and even talking to people triggers panic attacks! Some days are better than other and some days are worse. Recently I have found something that helps me to cope with the anxiety and control my panic attacks to a certain extent. Although it does not cure my attacks It has really helped me improve.
When you have a chance I would recommend you take a look at steamspoils/panic-away-review
It is a good read, I hope I helped somebody else out there!
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DeeRip, you say your Mum never leaves the house... are you meaning not go shopping, visiting doctors, or you mean socializing? Is she able to go outside the house, get her mail, do some gardening? Sounds like your Mum really misses her hubby, he must have been her rock that she had depended upon.

Agoraphobia can be complex... I get that once in awhile, and find distractions help. If she is afraid to walk outside of the house, try to coax her out for a couple of seconds each day to show her a butterfly or a flower, and allow her to dash back inside if she must... then add on a few more seconds each time... don't get discourage. Or if you have a patio or deck, try to have lunch outside.
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Even more important, would your mother let you?

Are you willing to give up your life for hers? Do you already live with her or would you have to move in. Do you have a job and plan to continue working or do you plan to quit your job and live off your mother's money.

Has your mother seen a doctor regarding her agoraphobia and anxiety? There are medications that might help her and bring her back to a more normal state. It may be that she will be able to function on her own and not yet need a full-time caregiver.

Get her to a medical doctor first, to eliminate anything physical, and to a mental therapist next. Obviously someone is supplying her with all her needs for the past 3 years. I'm assuming that is you, so in a way you are already her caregiver. Not sure how much more you want to do with/for her. But I would start with the doctor visits.
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