Wondering what things I need to consider as I'm thinking about taking in my grandmother who has dementia?

I wrote to you before so listen to the above comments. All good advice. My daughter is 28 year old now and does not live nearby. Would not want her to take in my Mother of 90 soon to be 91 at any cost. Mom acts sweet when our daughter comes for a short visit so our daughter does not see the real her. I have also sheltered my daughter from the truth so she does not know what is going on. By the way I am getting sorry that I am deceiving her because I see that it is working against my whole family except of cause my Mother Mistake on my part. OH well one of many on my part. Please don't do it!!

Excellent point, Cher. My mom puts on a decent filter for those who are not in constant contact. But she lets it all hang out for the inner circle. Brings me to another point -- which is applicable on 12 different threads: Another insidious side of being a family caregiver is.....we become the keeper of their secrets. Whether we mean to or not. Sometimes to protect what's left of their dignity. Sometimes to keep a steamroller-type from barging in and making a bad thing worse. Sometimes because they say "don't tell so-and-so." Sometimes because I'm too freaked out or worn down to re-live the ugly truth. Sometimes because I'm not in the mood to hear someone's knee-jerk response about what I "need" to do to fix the situation. (And if you grew up in a family where.....it was easier to navigate the world if you hid or minimized what was going on at home.....voila. A new chapter of an old story.)

Wow! The developmental stage those children are in is the most important of their entire lives in terms of interactions, stimulation, attention, and love. Its a time which will determine how everything goes for them from here on out. Don't take away what you can give them. You are operating on a romantic notion of saving someone you love (grandma) assuming there is a way to make her life longer. Stay on target (mothering, not elder caregiving). Visit grandma but don't take her in your home. Be brave, and deal with the sad emotions of loss, but don't be a hero who sacrifices your young family life to an unrealistic ideal.

Hi BlackHole, read your profile and saw that you are an only child as am I. Knee-jerk reactions from people do not help. (I know) Will write more later but we are the same in many ways.