He doesn't seem to accept Mom's deterioaration. He keeps saying everything is fine and dismisses my observations with "its a morning thing or she's coming off her the sleeping meds etc.
She didn't remember it was my birthday this year. When I stopped by this morning she was unresponsive to discussion. She couldn't even identify what she was eating and when she eventually did talk what she said was really short and unrelated to anything. Lastly she often communicates by clapping and banging.
He still makes doctor appointments for cancer screening and to check on surgeries from over a decade ago. He's a younger sibling who was always very attached to her.
Anyone have a similar family dynamic? Based on what I'm observing seems more and more likely she's transitioning to stage 7 Alzheimer's.
It is what it is. Women have always been stronger than men in many ways, which is why we make great nurses who often know more than the doctors they assist. We don't like dementia and Alzheimer's, but we accept it and rise to the task of learning about it so we can be better caretakers. As a rule.
Sometimes it's very difficult to convince other people to what you so apparently can see. I was in no way in charge of any of my mother's care, so I had to keep injecting what I knew to be true about my mother's deteriorating cognitive functions whenever I could. It was a very frustrating and sad position to be in.
If so and mom is living alone she shouldn't be.
Let me say I am a firm believer that anyone with dementia should not be living alone. it is dangerous for them. At anytime something could happen. A walk to the mailbox can lead to getting lost and injury or death. Letting someone ("the meter reader", a" service officer", "someone who needs to use the phone cuz their car broke down") into the house can lead to a robbery or worse.
And I can sorta understand your brother.
Under "normal" circumstances it is difficult to watch someone you love lose themselves piece by piece to dementia.. But as close to your mother as your brother seems to be it is more difficult and it is much easier to be in denial about what is happening.
You can't fix that or his perception as to what is going on.
What you can do is make sure mom is safe.
If she does not have a complete diagnosis yet you need one.
If she has not appointed a POA for Health and or Finances if that is possible do it ASAP. An attorney after talking to her can determine if she understands what is being asked and what she is signing. so make an appointment with an Elder Care Attorney and if she has "good or better" times of day make the appointment for then. If it is determined that she is not cognizant then she will either need a Guardian you or other family member or the Court can appoint one if there are none that want to take on this responsibility.
It's pointless to argue with brother. He's deep into his delusion, which may be brought about by grief or even anger.
So then what? Mom's diagnosed but brother's still delusional. At that point, you have to figure out what is best for mom and how to remove brother as her caregiver, POA, or whatever his involvement is. I hope it goes well!