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Spends per month, thousands each year to keep her calm. Never reported it because people are so accusatory.

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So you are spending thousands a month on Mom to keep her happy?

Your Mom has ALZ/Dementia. She has no idea what she is saying. If this is causing u financial problems, stop. You only owe her is to be safe, clean, warm and fed. If she has money, then spend it on her. You don't need to spend urs.
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I don't understand. The woman is spending her money? If so that is her right. If she is spending someone else's money, they are responsible for either allowing her to do so, or stopping her. It is entirely in their hands.
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I don't understand what you're trying to say. The elder relative can use his/her own money for his/her own needs and care. That's how it works, you don't spend your own money for his/her care and you don't take from them.
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