The time has arrived for LTC placement... Any "wish I knew then what I know now" tips, feelings, advice?

Before mom went into a NH (post-stroke, post broken hip and with vascular demetia), I had read that the average survival time for folks entering NHs was 6 months. I was sad but resigned.

Mom lived there, pretty happily for 4.5 YEARS.

She got excellent rehab, good geripsych services and nurses who watched her like hawks for infections. It was not the best place in the world (they were lousy communicators) but she got good care.

Don't believe everything you read.

One of the other things that I neglected to bring up in my other comment is...
Do not overlook the help that Hospice can be. Bring them in as soon as possible. (this is for those caring for loved ones at home as well) "Forget" about "6 months" if the doctor and or Hospice qualify her then take advantage of the care that they can provide.

I wish I knew how long it would take for my mother to settle in her new surroundings. It was 6-8 weeks before she started to accept the situation. She needs a high level of care and has mild dementia, but still thought she could live alone. I also would have not visited so frequently in the beginning. I was trying to go every day, which was not sustainable. She has been there 2 years and I now visit once a week, which is ideal for both of us. My advice is don't set an expectation for the frequency of visits if you can't sustain it.

I characterized the move as a culture shock, institutional life was just so foreign. It takes time for you and staff to know each other and to settle in to the rhythms and routines, expect the first several weeks to be a bumpy ride.

Make sure you're going into the right type of care facility and at the appropriate level.

When my mother first went into a nursing home, it was a skilled nursing facility. My dad had been on the board of trustees of this place for years, and when he became sick and died in short order the Director told us that there would be a place there for my mom. I had to move her in there three days after my dad‘s funeral, and she was neglected to the point that I had to get her out of there before she developed more serious complications.

I don’t entirely blame the SNF for mom‘s situation, because she wasn’t really sick enough to be in a skilled nursing facility. I didn’t know or understand the differences between the types of care, and she really belonged in memory care instead. After seven months in the SNF, I decided to focus on the quality of my mothers life rather than the quantity because she had CHF that obviously was not going to get better.

By moving her to memory care, she was stimulated mentally and socially, and it made her existence much happier in spite of her physical issues. She received far better care in memory care then she did in a skilled nursing facility. That includes her medical care as well, so I was pleasantly surprised.

I found that in my case the kindness of the staff supersedes every other factor. Long story short mom is in a MC which is quite small so there is a mixing of levels of dementia which I wasn’t keen on ( but at that size there is no choice ) I thought I was going to have to move mom out before long so she didn’t steamroll the place.

Cue covid and no move. Over time I saw how kind and caring the staff is , and there is very low turnover. They maintain a very calm vibe in the place and keep it so clean. Now I absolutely love these people. This facility is also attached to an independent living and AL place and last time I went a couple from the independent living were visiting for lunch with an MC resident. There are also gardens surrounding the MC which volunteers from Independent Living help take care of.

So the kindness and good vibe of this place definitely is a win over the mixing of the residents and the fact that it’s not a big super active place. In your case, if you are choosing between the three, maybe consider what are the most important factors for your situation and think about what is ok to let slide a little? If not applicable of course ignore everything I said!

Second factor is it’s still a lot of work for me, especially mentally!!! Very difficult. So big hug and I wish you the best!

Looking back , I would be more educated about dementia.

My mom was in an AL in another state. I visited as much as I could. Called a couple times a week etc.

i think my mom had the beginnings of it when she went to AL. I didn’t see it escalating as it was. Only after moving her here, and being urged by my placement specialist to try memory care did I realize my moms past issues were caused by it.

I can not speak from experience but only from people that I have heard in my Support Group.
I was lucky in that I did not have to place my Husband for a variety of reasons. He was compliant, the house accessible and it was safe for both of us for me to care for him.
But from others this is the big thing......
Moving to Assisted Living, Memory Care or Skilled Nursing should have happened long before it actually did.

My MIL is in a nice LTC place here in the States, so not sure what differences there may be in a different country. Due to the labor shortage you need to be prepared for understaffing and turnover (not necessarily the higher-up admins, but with the nurses and aids). Make sure you always know who to ask for by name and what number to call them at. My MIL is on Medicaid and so often when the nurse calls us, it is sometimes from a personal mobile phone or an off-site clinic number, and it's not always the same nurse. So it will be important to constantly confirm who you spoke to and what care and medications your LO is expected to receive due to this issue.

Depending on how your LO adjusts (or not) the facility may suggest medications to help with this. These may need to be adjusted until they find the best one or combo. Keep tabs on this and write it down. You can supply supplements to your LO for the staff to dispense but must first check with LO's doctor for interactions. I supply Mannose-D for my MIL which has significantly helped to reduce the number of UTIs she was experiencing.

Make sure whatever clothing you supply for her, her name is in them right away so it comes back to her from the laundry.

The podiatrist only comes every 9 weeks so foot care in between will fall on you. My MIL's facility won't allow a privately hired nail tech to come in (for some unknowable reason).

Hope this helps -- I wish you a smooth transition for your LO!

The only thing I wish I’d known was what a tremendous life shift it was for everyone in our family. We naively believed the placement might very well be temporary. But a recovery wasn’t to be and it rocked us all, most especially my mother who was living in NH. You’ve already known it was time to put the pieces in place, now your role will shift to being her advocate in the new setting. When the staff sees you care, it has the effect of helping them to care more. I wish you both peace