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When I first started caring for my mom, I felt as if everything I had worked hard for, career wise was over. It took me a while to settle into the "caregiver" role. I struggled for months. Then I realized when I was little, I used to go to nursing homes and hospitals with my mom and would watch her show so much compassion and care to her patients. I vowed I would never work in a nursing home or have anything to do with it. Guess what, the very thing I was trying to run from, came right back to me. I was used to working in offices and sitting behind a desk, I even have a degree in Business Administration.

She had approached me to take care of her when it didn't go so well with two other family members. But, the problem I am having now is since I started taking care of my mom, the rest of my siblings stopped caring. My mom doesn't get many family visits from my siblings and the sad part is they all live close with the exception of one.

I try to keep her busy and laughing, but I see the depression slowly creeping in. She's 76 and deserves the very best. What I don't understand is, why are people so selfish? My mom has been there for each and everyone of us. She had been abused when she was growing up; not only that, she was always there for each and everyone of my siblings. Why can't they be there for her? I look in her eyes and see hurt and pain. Nontheless, I will be there for my mom because she was always there for me.

I am the youngest of seven siblings, married with two boys (one of them is 24 and the other is 16...not so little, but they are still my boys). I am doing what I have been purposed to do....now, I have no regrets, just compassion.

Before I start each day, I meditate on those things that are positive and am thankful for having a mom.

I will not leave her nor forsake her no matter what....

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I, too, have been in your shoes, only my husband and I were caring for my mother-in-law and two her other sons visited when wanting to bum money from the dying woman. Other than that, these two went about publicly criticizing the care my husband and I gave their mother. I was tremendously hurt by their actions, not their criticism of us, but how they could abandon the sweetest woman in the world. I hated them. Only when I saw my hatred reflected by my 8 year old son did I realize the harm I was doing, not only to my family, but to myself. I have ceased to hate them. Just know that you are doing what God has "purposed" you to do. I love your use of the word purpose to describe our roles. There is no greater purpose that any of us have than to make this life and its inevitable end a little easier for our fellow man. God has given you, us, a gift. We need to relish our roles as caregivers. Hating anyone for not being capable of this job only diminishes us. God gives us gifts that enable us to fulfill our truly beautiful purpose, and we become so much better human beings for having done the work we alone have been chosen to do. You are in my prayers.
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Same thing here, except, I have two siblings. I spent years being angry, frustrated, hate-filled, and I only hurt myself. There is nothing you can do, they aren't going to help, and they don't care. Going to Church and developing my relationship with God is the only reason I'm no longer stuck on wondering. I don't call, email, facebook message, no communication with them. Any communication from them is very upsetting, and takes me close to a week to get back to normal again. I've been caregiving for the last 4 years, although my Mom has been with me for the last 20 years. It wasn't until 4 years ago did I start to take care of her. Just know you are doing the right thing for your Mom and yourself. All the rest of the "Me Me's" will have to deal with it when it's too late, if at all (I think some are so selfish they truly have no feelings for anyone). It's really kinda liberating when you get past the..."WHY??...How can they do this..." and you can enjoy life again, and enjoy life with your Mom. I hope you find your way past this, as soon as possible, I really wasted alot of my time, energy and I hope you don't.
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I see this in all aspects of life. There are people who assume responsibility and those who duck it. And some people assume responsibility in one aspect of their life and duck it in another. So your siblings may be good people overall, but just not concerned about your mom, probably because they know you're doing a good job with her.

At first, I thought maybe it's happening in your family because there are so many children, it's easy to think "there are others who can check on mom". But I only have a brother and while he's a good guy overall (but very self-involved), he doesn't do much of anything for our mom. I had to shame him into calling her once a week. But he never asks how she's doing or what to talk about when he calls her...it's like out of sight, out of mind. And he knows I'm doing a good job, so it's just not something he thinks about. I used to get very frustrated about it, but I finally realized my frustration was only hurting me and not him. Once I accepted that, my attitude got much better.
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"why are people so selfish? ...Why can't they be there for her?"

I think you're asking universal questions for which there are no answers, especially as to selfishness.

It's similar to asking why people fight each other over religious differences, over high-topped designer shoes and over clothes and possessions that don't matter in the long run.

Humans can indeed be a strange species.
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I will pray for you. I have NO advice. I am the oldest of seven and I struggle with the same thing. I moved to Illinois from Colorado to help my Mom and Dad and now it is pretty much just me doing it ALL..despite phone calls, emails, leters in the MAIL.. I have given up and decided that I will just have to do this....and when I see them smile and tell people how much they appreciate me being here...I sigh inside. So, good luck to you....yes be thankful you have her.....
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