A quick background.
My oldest son was murdered and the trial wrapped up in September 2019 (1 1/2 yrs) we are almost done settling his estate.
My step son is battling stage 4 colon cancer.
I work a lot of hours. I have ulcerative colitis which has been in a non stop flare.
My brother lives out of state and has never helped with anything.
The last 2 yrs I have had caregivers in my moms home 4-5 hours a day.
Her health and mental capacity has diminished a lot in the last 6 months.
She started talking about all the people in the house that weren't there. Refusing to change and cleanup after having accidents.
A caregiver caught her going out the front door with her purse. She told the caregiver she had an appt. But couldn't remember where or for what?
I tricked her into an appt with a neurologist saying it was a yearly Medicare screening (thank you to those here that gave me the idea)
She failed all questions. She said the year was 2095 and her husband died over 50 yrs ago (he died in 2007) she couldn't remember what her phone # was (its been the same for 60 yrs) the list goes on and on.
The DX is dementia (surprise)
I was terrified she would get out at night and wander into traffic.
24/7 in home care was not even remotely something we could afford.
I made my brother come from out of state to deal with moving her. I have been so stressed. She will never be voted Mother of the year. She's a narcissist, never told me she loved me.....
Again thanks to you on this forum my brother told her that the house had to be fumigated for termites so she needed to go stay somewhere.
I had found a nice NH. Her room is massive with her own bathroom. As my brother got her out of the house I had movers waiting to move her entire living room and bed to her new place. We got her in just under the wire when the lock downs went into effect. Its been 2 weeks. I haven't contacted her mostly to save my sanity. I haven't had a break in 10 yrs and the last 2 have been brutal. Today she had the NH call my brother. She said she was missing me (insert extreme guilt) she said to my brother * I'm not in my home* he told her again her house was being sprayed and wasn't safe to go in.
I need to somehow prepare for talking to her. I'm not a monster I don't want her feeling alone. My health is more important right now.
Do I just keep telling her the house isn't ready? She's never going back there. Her dementia is to the point if you tell her something happened she believes it.
I also had kidney surgery 2 weeks ago. I've lost the last 10 yrs dealing with her nonstop. I'm in my 60's I need a break :(