The POA took a salary. When will it stop?

Abuse of fiduciary powers...look it up. ALL POAS and GUARDIANS have a requirement of accountability...accountability that requires transparency to avoid the appearance of self dealing. It must pass a reasonable person standard. Any heir could later come back and sue a POA for breach of duty of care or possibly misappropriation (theft). Some must post bonds (surety) to function in this capacity. POAS can be removed for failure to act in the best interests of those they represent

I was a POA for 28 years to someone until she died. And now I am a POA to two people for 12 years. I am not taking sides but does anyone have any idea how much responsibility a POA has. I did everything from A to Z and everything in between. I was very proud how I handled my jobs and I would allow anyone to look at my records at any time. Yes, a POA does deserve to be paid - it is only right and fair. If the POA doesn't want to be paid, that is up to the POA but it is earned money that is well spent if you have someone who is doing an exemplary job for the client.

I was a POA for someone for 28 years and let me tell you, it is a time-consuming job if you want to do the job thoroughly, ethically and in a proper sense. I am also a POA to two people now for the past 12 years since the original lady passed at age 98. You have no idea of the work involved. Fortunately, I take great pride in my work and leave it open for examination to anyone who wants to take a look. I have proven my value over and over again beyond a shadow of a doubt and I am proud of it. So, if there is some payment coming for being a POA, I say that they most likely earned every cent of it. I do feel if there is a family, nothing should be kept hidden if the job is being done correctly in every way.

If you feel she's hiding something, you're probably right. What I would do is see if the patient is even competent. If so then there may not be much you can do right now. If not, someone will need guardianship. If the person you feel is hiding something may be stealing, you're probably right because this happens more often than we think. A guardianship would empower the person to take over all affairs including financial. What you can do is see if you can handle guardianship and if you can, go for it and go after any money that may be missing but go for it with interest

I don't understand the dating of the posts on here but I may not have quite known a year ago what I know now but it wasn't too much longer, but just want to clarify, even though ops' mom has passed away; don't understand them not knowing about the will and executor but seems they have 6 mos. so not sure as of last post that time frame had passed, but learned that dad's grandson left him 3 days before the Christmas before a year ago for his "best friend" - but believe long story there - anyway they - she? - had put a fair amount of money in dad's house, though possibly mostly for damages - not that they'd done, just the timing, unless you count the fact grandson - first, yes, he did stay in the house - they did, even after she got her money - could not go in dad's room for a year, so when did found there had been being a slow leak that had caused a fair amount of damage that they - with her money? - repaired, at least to an extent; it damaged his bathroom, which they repaired and his closet that it back up to, but then it extended into the bedroom itself, which he started, actually he did eventually finish that and got it back together, but as part of that he - she? - they bought enough materials to actually do the whole house but then somewhere in there is when she left and since it was actually "best friend" who was actually doing the work - was he getting paid or did she end up being compensation - think that says something about the situation - not sure who actually finished the bedroom - anyway, once she was gone he no longer wanted to do the whole house and even wanted to return and/or get compensation for the materials - before I think I realized she paid for them all, if she actually did, but they were at least for with her card in her name so she had to be the one to return them or at least the compensation would go back on her card and she wouldn't agree to reimburse him, if that indeed is what it would have been, or give him 1/2; again, was he even entitled, gets confusing, maybe he did or not; but she also won't reimburse him for her cell phone bill, either, so...but anyway, he won't return it, ended up selling it for 1/2 what paid, so got his half, if that's what it was; she didn't get hers/any, so maybe why feels justified re the cell phone bill; anyway did take that money and do some more renos on the house after more damages that, again, think initials were done, but did more that hadn't been so used for, think all the new from new damages been taken care of, but still none of what had been needing to be done before but not because of damages, just deterioration, that thought was going to either be done or at least seen about, finally after all that and toward the end of last year, after gf/bf finally left the state to go to where she's from, leaving job, thus him leaving his and taking his old one back that he'd left to take care of granddad, which brings me back - saw I'd asked the question of re op's mom's poa/sis re her income, saw in looking at all this tonight that she still has a full-time job, since mom was in nh, while dad got grandson and he did to keep him out of one, which was going to ask and/or comment re the salary till saw the breakdown so not sure how all that plays out in their situation but I would call $1000, which is what grandson got, a "huge" salary, though I do still wonder whether the in-kind, as somewhat on here commented that they were also getting, of a place to live with no rent - not the son of op's sister living in mom's house - but another commenter living in and taking care of her mom in her house - does that count as on top of the salary, though don't think she was even getting a $1000, while dad's grandson did, so how much does that count for? even though he complained about it because he really liked where he lived, but just needed enough more to still pay the bills he did still have, but now he's saying he would have done it for his granddad for nothing to keep him from going to live with "strangers" but they weren't strangers when he was going to but people he knew and would have like to have been with, but, no, they weren't family and "if" and I still wonder, he had gotten to the shape he got into there not sure he could have stayed and would have had to have either come home at that point and been taken care of or go to a nh, so might possibly have still wound up in the same situation, but I told him same thing op said, not sure what time frame she was talking about, at the beginning? or later after she was settled in, that I would have brought him down here to me, which he'd already said he wished he'd already done but he didn't tell grandson any of that, should he have, just like grandson said he never told him he was expecting him to take care of the deterioration of his house, said that after he moved in with him he mentioned it to him, but by then he didn't care; now I, too, understand that him being there has been a positive for the house but I still wonder if him staying there taking care of dad entitles him to the actual house, not just the staying there rent-free, although maybe I'm realizing more and more just how much what all he did did mean, although I understand - not really knowing the situation don't know if I agree - op's comment about, as I understand, how much poa had been getting before she became poa? am I right?

I have POA not wanting it , I am on S.S myself been running for my brother he is 93 I am 69 and worn out running since Nov 2016 spending my money and to go where my brother is takes 1 hr there 1 hr back 4 Hrs if i take him out. I Got Gas and tolls, setting up Notary's that mean nothing being in another state I have a 2001 ford that never leaves me alone to fix , now I have to take people to court to get them out of his home while he is in rehab because they were living off his money what should i get that's ok, My brother get's S.S and Navy pension of 22 years and he not getting his check for navy and POA forget it.
 

Alarmedtoo - why post that here? A private email wouldn't have sufficed? You posted here to get a reaction from other posters. I'm thinking I was wrong and GardenArtist was right. My bad.

Alarmed, I'm assuming that the POA sister is probably also executor of the will. I'm afraid things are about to get really complicated. If the three of you are so suspicious of the executor sister that you question every decision she makes and expect her to clear everything with you, you can prolong the process indefinitely. Here's my suggestion. Even if you think your POA sister shouldn't have taken so much compensation from your mother, accept that people of good will can disagree on this point. Nothing you have told us in this long conversation suggests that the POA sister has done anything illegal or unethical. In fact you haven't accused her of doing anything illegal. You have really only complained that her compensation was too high, that she didn't answer all your questions, and that she was unkind to you, individually, when you arrived to stay in the house. OK. It's over. Whether she's executor or not, it will be in everyone's interest, including hers, to settle the estate as soon as possible. If the three out-of-town sisters question every decision she makes the process could go on forever. If she has to do all the work by herself after her regular job and on the weekends --- e.g., inventory household contents for appraisal, get house ready for sale, etc. --- it could go on for forever and a day. Could all of you just call a truce and agree to work together to get done what has to be done?

Alarmed - I'm pretty good at spotting trolls and catfish - personally I think you are real. A real woman who is confused and struggling with priorities, emotions, family values, loyalty and so on. I also think you are conflicted as far as your sister goes - and you've probably got alarmedtoo in your ear fueling the fire. I think that simply for the fact that you post here and reiterate your issues - that just maybe you don't really believe S could do what you think she has. Sounds to me like S is striking back - maybe because of the hostility with you and alarmedtoo she's feeling a little defensive and probably a lot hurt - I know I would. Maybe she just wants the house left alone while the estate is settled and isn't feeling very trusting lately - hence the son in residence. I've been wondering, where does sister no. 3 stand in all of this? In the mean time - can't you get over the salary issue? Is it so awful she got something you didn't? Are you really that competitive? My brother is like you - he'd have kittens if I took a salary for my DPOA work, but that's only a small part of why I don't. I can't speak to your mothers circumstances, but I do know what I went through. The first two years $1000 a month would have been less than half of what I deserved. Then there were two decent years where that would have been double what was warranted. Now we're back to a tough year - but doesn't it all average out? Isn't that what a lump sum salary is about verses a hourly rate. You say you would have been happy to go to the care planning meetings - that children do it all the time without pay - so why didn't you go? Fact is S was there day in and day out - can't you be happy that she was able to be compensated rather than begrudge her getting something you didn't?

The reason your sister doesn't have to answer to you IS BECAUSE THAT IS THE WAY YOUR MOTHER SET IT UP WITH THE POA! She could have named any one of the four of you but she chose your sister. That is a hard and thankless job I can tell you firsthand. So what if she drives your mother's car. The stress of the job is relentess.

Noticing here too, Garden Artist.
If an Op snaps back a criticism to caregivers trying to help, 100 posts!
Also, mean, rude people that drink and swear, make outlandish statements, attack others, vilify decency have an almost cult-like following by certain posters. It seems similar to the often described 'Stockholm Syndrome' in which the victim identifies with their captor, even protects them and commits crimes for them. Or, maybe similar to what happened in history with hitler, and now with trump. I have seen it, but really cannot explain it. The followers are victims-must have been abused or are being severely abused so they feel comfortable with abuse. Or, feel better when they feel uncomfortable. This forum serves many purposes, and I like to see it when someone breaks free from their troubles.

Alarmed, looking at your thread from the beginning, back in December, I was going to make the comment that you didn't have a right to know what S was doing with your mother's money simply by virtue of being a beneficiary of your mother's estate; but that S, all the same, would be accountable for every cent of your mother's money that she spent - just not necessarily to you. It's a Protection of Vulnerable Adults question that you could, if you felt it appropriate, have referred to the authorities.

Or it was. I'm sorry for your loss, and I'm sorry for the havoc that your mother's affairs wreaked on your family's internal relationships. It seems to be a common thing that people don't like to be questioned or challenged and communication breaks down irrevocably because of that defensiveness. I wish I had some constructive suggestions for repairing the damage, but I'm in no position to advise. It's a sad thing. Will you be able to set it behind you and move on?

Not seeing your moms POA agreement it's impossible to tell if S had a legal right to put someone in the house - perhaps as a caretaker or perhaps as a free place for her son to live. My own mothers DPOA agreement is extensive and if my parents still had their house - it would have allowed me to make the choice S did, regardless of motive. Unfortunately this situation seems to have been reduced to "tit for tat" - with both sides striking out. I can't help but wonder - if your mother had had a crystal ball, what choices she would have made differently. I didn't know her - obviously - but I gotta think this whole thing would have made her sad. Or if she was anything like my mom, she would be mighty pissed off that her children can put their petty differences aside and learn to be a little more generous with each other - and I don't mean money. I'm am sorry for the loss of your mother. Regarding the loss of your sister - it's not too late.

Many of you are eager to focus on my sister's support of my mother while in the nursing home. I would even go so far as to say that some of you believe "S" was potentially a martyr. Sounds like you believe she justifiably earned the monthly salary hands down. That is really not the issue here. We have all been praising her non-stop for 6 years, and have been helping as much as possible even from far away. And for the record, many daughters/sons help their parents when needed without taking a monthly salary. For those of you who don't think $1000 is much, remember that my mom was in a nursing care facility and NEVER left. She NEVER got out of bed. This was NOT a full time job for "S". She has a job and is earning a full time salary elsewhere. I would have visited my mom more, HAPPILY. I would have HAPPILY attended care plan meetings once a quarter. I also believe that $1000 added to my monthly salary would have made a HUGE difference in our ability to pay bills such as two college tuition's. And if you think we're only concerned about money, you are quite shortsighted. What I've given you in terms of $$ is what I know. "S" has been managing all the $$ without any overseer and has not only been non-transparent, but has actively kept information from us. I have NO IDEA what else she has been taking/spending/using my mom's money for. We have asked. She feels strongly that that information is none of our business. Had she been remotely transparent, the $$ issues would have been non-issues. It is because she has been so secretive that we began to worry and suspect something was wrong.

I am currently mourning the loss of my mom who was a completely amazing woman. I am unfortunately also mourning the loss of having a normal relationship with sister "S" ever again.

And for those of you who think that money is the only issue, please explain to me how it is possible for "S" to take me off the list of those who have access to my mom's house? I traveled at my own expense to visit my mom. I walked in on my nephew and his girlfriend sleeping there. My mom and dad would have been so angry, not only because their unmarried grandson was using their house in this capacity, but that "S" took me off the list. I have never even taken a paper clip from my mom's house. "S" removed me from the list because she wanted total control. Now there is NO WAY for me to use the house without getting it approved by her first. Truth is that I don't see using the house anytime soon since I used it only to visit my mom. I really don't think she has a legal right to do that. And no my nephew is not paying rent, but he is covering his utilities expenses. I asked.

I get the fact that there are those who think I'm wasting their time and whining. I would just hire a lawyer if I could afford it. I thought that this blog would give me direction, and then at least I could move forward in the right direction. For those of you who choose to say unkind words, remember that is why most of us visit AgingCare.com. To seek help!

No offense taken and definately none intended. I yes, I got that you were speaking in generalities.

Rainmom I wasn't working it out FOR this person all I did was try to show how MUCH work you would have to be doing and cash to be responsible for to accrue that amount of fee. No offence intended to anyone.

I don't look after anywhere near that much but accounting for each penny is darned time consuming never the less

It's it a bit silly - for lack of a better word - to be figuring out an income for this POA as no one really knows how much work is or is not being done, the complexities nor the value of the estate. I'm just saying...

It's an eye opener isn't it deb but that is just for a POA - if the caregiver IS giving care then all bets are off and they can charge much more but it is still taxable

also, caregiver income is taxable here in the US as well, and appreciate your calculations - the "caregiver" I'm talking about is claiming $24K/yr. and no way is it for an estate worth a million dollars and certainly not 2 and definitely no way $80K in revenue and definitely not that much again in capital

Phoenix, I understand; we went through that when my granddaughter was in the hospital, although we learned there would have been some compensation available at the time had we known but by the time we found out they said it was too late to go back and be able to get it then; hope it didn't wreak havoc with your finances like it seems to have done with ours; on the phone with them even as I type

Couldn't agree more Garden I truly couldn't but unfortunately that does not come under the 'duties' of POA for finance. I know when Mum is in hospital I spend darned near as much time travelling back and forward and parking fees at in US money about 15$ a day soon mounts up but I am not able to claim a penny and my own allowance stops completely

I used the term caregiver b/c as I understand the situation, their mother was in a nursing home. And that still involves dealing with the staff and with other medical issues. We spent more time visiting our mother, my sister, and then my father when each were in care facilities than I do now caring for just my father.

And believe me, there were PLENTY of issues to deal with at the facilities.

But the POA wasn't the caregiver she just paid the bills and dealt with finances (I say JUST but we all know JUST can be a heck a lot especially if there is a lot of money and estate involved so I am not being rude to anyone) Using the CA guidelines I have done some calculations and this would have to be the work involved to claim 12k a year:

capital receipts 80000 would yield POA 2000
capital disbursements 80000 would yield POA 2000
revenue receipts 80000 would yield POA 2000
revenue disbursements 80000 would yield POA 2000
management fee on the gross value of the estate assuming it was worth 1 million dollars would yield POA 4000
Making a total of 12000

Thats a lot of work - far more than I have to cope with and if you have a house worth that much then you would naturally want to maximise the income and therefore you would rent it out

I also hope she remembered to include it in her tax return - POA income is taxable in the UK and Canada not sure about USA

Let's do the math. $1400 a month. A nursing home is ten times that.
30 days x 24 hours a day=720 hours. 1400 divided by 720= $1.94 per hour. Wow, she really lined her pockets, Alarmed, too bad you didn't sign up for the job instead. (sarcasm).

I remember this one well - one of the more interesting in terms of not being able to look away from a train wreck. So attempting to avoid the muck I will just say this: Having someone in what would be a vacant house is usually a good idea. Even in gated communities theft and vandalism occurs and vacant homes are pretty obvious and make good targets. It is also better for the house itself as water is running, the furnace is used, the lawn is kept up etc. This is all assuming the occupant is taking proper care of the property. I don't know about other areas but here there are companies that will put people into homes that have been on the market for awhile for just some of the reasons listed above. The occupants pay no rent. Yes, it would have been nice if sister had told you someone was living there, just as it would have been nice of you to say you were coming to visit. But then again it seems this situation has become less than "nice" - on everyone's part. Free flowing communication from both "sides" would be aided by a less acrimonious atmosphere.

I reread many of the earlier posts and recall that after learning that the "huge" monthly sum over which Alarmed and AlarmedToo were objecting was only $1,000, I thought that the 3 daughters really have no concept of what it's like to be a full time caregiver, handling finances, medical issues and more, and that this was an issue that was going to be wrangled indefinitely.

Even when someone is in a care facility, there are still a lot of issues to handle, including dealing with the staff, ensuring proper care, dealing with nonfacility doctors, managing a portfolio (such as there might be one).

ADC, you're absolutely right that it's about the money. And I respect your courage for being forthright and "calling the shots as they are."

Anyone who thinks that $72K for 6 years of work is unreasonable isn't someone who understands the value of caregiving, hands on or supportive.

Alarmed and Alarmed Too, who don't you just hire an attorney if you think there's been financial malfeasance? You wrote that there was someone who would participate on a pro bono basis.

Your whole family needs to get past this issue and move on, and remember your mother, not the cost of care for her.

whoa, AD, why do you feel it's all about the money and not about her mom's care; I have no vested interest in my hub's aunt and uncle and I do understand being compensated - or at least being allowed to be - for care for your parents even if they're physically being taken care of; I understand there are many other things to be done in managing their affairs, even if I didn't do it myself and even though at least partially because in the case of my parents I knew I was going to be the sole beneficiary of, at least after mom died, dad's will, even though I did it for mom as well, even though she had told me that if dad went first she was changing the will so that I would get nothing but I also wasn't POA at that time either anyway so I couldn't have gotten anything for what I did for her anyway but that is the case in the situation with hub's aunt and uncle; I am wondering about the tax implications in that situation, how things will be this next year but maybe it won't matter, especially with kids in college; maybe that's what it's for, see what happens with ours, but more to the point in that situation, is the income is supposed to be being used for care, so I'm more interested in the phrase PhoenixDaughter used regarding the degree of care required; having talking to someone who posts on here somewhat at least as an expert I've asked some questions as to what they is deemed to entail and I know that care is being provided and paid for by someone/thing else, but beyond that, I know they are needing more care than they are getting, which is where my concern is coming from re this compensation; it's not just about them getting the money

I am sorry to hear about your mother's death. However, I have been following this thread (your postings). and even after your mother's death, it is still about the MONEY for you and how you feel that the POA has cheated you.
It is inconsiderate of you to ask for our help without finding out who the executor of your mother's estate is? Do you even have a copy of the will?
You feel so bitter and ripped off, then you should hire a competent attorney in estates and will to represent you. Then you will find out what your mother's will means in terms of your residual from your mother's estate. The eldercare attorney can also analyze whether the POA acted responsibly.
Before you hire an attorney or continue your practice of accusing the POA of mismanagement, I suggest you find books that explains wills and estates. Go to your library or buy two or three on Amazon. Even if you hire an attorney, you need to get smart about the terms that he/she will discuss with you. You may even need an attorney to interpret the will's terms to you.
In closing, it is very hard to lose your mother. I know that personally. But I still perceive that you feel that you have been cheated and resent your mother's decision regarding the POA. It is time for you to grow up and be responsible for yourself. I am so tired of hearing about your money issues. Hire an attorney to help you if you feel so cheated.

Firstly my condolences sweetheart. It's never easy to lose a loved one and it doesn't matter whether you live near or far .
On to the POA and executrix

First and foremost POA no longer exists - it's over and done with and ceased the moment your Mum died.

If she moved her mother's grandchildren in then rent should have been paid unless they were taking on duties such as decorating gardening etc in return - my feelings are that she has NOT acted in her mothers best interest financially and that she should be brought to book for it - if you really want to go down that route. Personally? I would let it go because financially it won't be worth the money you would spend trying to sort it and it would cost!

California rules stipulate this sort of fee for a POA:

The attorney is entitled to compensation, subject to the terms of your Power of Attorney. If the Power of Attorney does not specify the compensation or prohibit compensation, the attorney is entitled to receive compensation as follows:

3 % of the money received
3% of the money paid out on the grantor’s behalf; and
3/5 of 1% of the average annual value of the person’s assets
Notably, a Power of Attorney who is paid is held to a higher standard of care than a Power of Attorney acting without compensation. The unpaid attorney is required to “exercise the degree of care, diligence and skill that a person of ordinary prudence would exercise in the conduct of his or her own affairs” while the paid attorney is required to “exercise the degree of care, diligence and skill that a person in the business of managing the property of others is required to exercise.”

Now on to the executor

You need to see the will for that will name the executor/executrix and you should be aware that if she is named she is actually entitled to take some money to cover expenses but she had better itemise them and I would advise her in writing of that. I have found this in the California rules but your state may be different:
Yes. The executor has the right to charge a fee or “compensation” for managing an estate. The Trustee Act states: “A trustee, guardian or personal representative is entitled to such fair and reasonable allowance for the care, pains and trouble, and the time expended in and about the estate, as may be allowed by a judge of the Superior Court of Justice.” While there is no set fee in the Trustee Act or elsewhere, the courts have developed “guidelines” for calculating the executor’s compensation as follows:

2 ½ % of the capital receipts
2 ½ % on capital disbursements
2 ½ % on revenue receipts
2 ½ % on revenue disbursements
2/5 of 1 % per year management fee on the gross value of the estate
It is important to note that the “guidelines” are just that, guidelines, and may be varied from in certain circumstances. For instance, the courts recognize that in some cases it may be appropriate for an executor to charge more compensation and in other cases, the guidelines may be too much. In this regard, the courts have historically considered the following five factors in determining the appropriate amount to compensate an executor if the “guidelines” are deemed inappropriate:

The size of the estate
The care, responsibility and risks undertaken by the executor
The time spent by the executor managing the estate
The skill and ability demonstrated by the executor in managing the estate
The results obtained by the executor in managing the estate; i.e., the extent to which the estate was successfully administered
Of course, if the Will sets out the executor’s compensation, this amount will be followed and the guidelines and the above factors need not be considered. There is also a legal presumption which states that if the executor is left a specific bequest in the Will, this amount is intended to be his or her compensation (this “presumption” can be rebutted by the executor).

The funds paid to the executor as compensation are deducted from the “residue” of the estate. The term “residue” refers to the funds that are left over after all the estate debts, general legacies and other specific bequests have been paid. In many instances, the executor elects not to charge compensation because he or she is either the only residuary beneficiary or one of a few residuary beneficiaries (i.e., one sibling acting as the estate trustee on behalf of his or her siblings). The compensation is taxable income whereas the inheritance is not so it may be more tax-advantageous for an executor to forego compensation, depending on the number of beneficiaries.

Now what?

I have been writing to this blog for over a year. I have 3 sisters, and the oldest ("S") had been named POA after my mom had a fairly devastating stroke 6 years ago.

I have written about my concerns with my sister "S" giving herself a hefty monthly salary, despite my mom having 24/7 care in a nursing care facility. I have written about my sister "S" taking my mom's car (practically new at the time) saving herself thousands of $ in lease expenses.

When one of my other sisters ("D") questioned her about the car, "S" had a lawyer send us a letter, basically telling us to back off, and that "blood is thicker than water".

My mom passed away on April 3, 2016.

I was fortunate that I had just recently visited again in early March and was able to enjoy her company one more time. I live far away, but have managed to visit a few times a year.

I believe that now the POA status is no longer relevant, but it's possible that "S" is now the executor of the estate. I have to find out for sure. My mom never specified that the POA be paid any amount in the POA document, only what is reasonable and customary, but "S" took $1000 per month. This was going on for about 6 years. You do the math. That's $72,000 which she feels COMPLETELY justified in doing. I believe her car lease had been approx. $400/month, so there was additionally $24,000 in savings over a 5 year period for the car as well. She has never been transparent with ANY of my mom's accounts.

Sister "D" and I were almost willing to let it all go, despite our extremely strained relationship with "S". Unfortunately, following a visit in early March, "S" took me off the list of people who have access to enter the gated community where my mom's house was. Just to give you a little background... my mom and dad built this house 20+ years ago, and not only put each of the 4 daughters on the list, but their husbands, their grandchildren, and everyone they loved. They wanted all to feel welcome, and all to visit them. So when I went down to visit my mom, I stayed at her house as I've done for every visit. I chose not to let "S" know I was coming, as I just wanted to visit my mom. I arrived late at night and I walked in on "S's" son (my nephew) and his girlfriend who were sleeping/living in my mom's house. At this point "S" took me off the list, so that I would not have access to ever come and go again without her approval. "S" said "there are consequences to your actions" as she felt that staying at my mom's house without notifying her that I was coming was intolerable. Isn't moving her son into my mom's house (rent free I might add) more intolerable? I haven't even taken a paper clip from my mom's house without consent from my sisters. Is what she is doing even legal?