89 yo dad does not want to place 90 yo significant other in assisted living memory care but he can no longer care for her and she has no children or siblings. She is hallucinating and becoming incontinent some days. It's a full time job caring for her and they do not have the finances for full-time in home care.
Honestly there is no way to make this all pretty and flowery. It is a tragedy and a horrific loss. The most important thing I can say to you, to Dad is not to take this on personally as your/his "fault" or responsibility. Were there a way to avoid this, we ALL would be the happier. There isn't.
I am so sorry. This falls under "Not everything can be fixed".
That was the only way to remove her from her home. She went willingly and once there adjusted very well.
And, does she have an actual diagnosis of dementia? Like Lewy Body syndrome? Hallucinations are not common in most dementias like LBS.
Because you stated she is hallucinating, and if she doesn't have LBS, has she been tested for a UTI? UTIs in elderly woman often only present cognitive symptoms and not physical ones -- hallucinations are one symptom it can create. If she's become incontinent this may also be a symptom of a UTI.
So, before you make any sort of further plan for her care, your Dad will need to figure out what legal authority he has to make the placement decision for her and how it will be paid for -- as well as getting a check-up and diagnosis for her.
If they don't have the finances to pay for in-home care, then they certainly won't be able to afford AL or MC, since Medicaid only covers LTC once a person qualifies both financially and medically. I suggest you and your Dad go talk to an elder law attorney who is well versed in Medicaid.
My husband Parkinson’s disease, no dementia is going next month to AL.
He is rather stoic and rational person, I am messed up and full of doubts.
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