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There have been issues between my brother and myself for many years. I had to cut of contact as he was texting me pages of texts (hours at a time) saying terrible things and the language was vulgar. Do I attempt to get hold of him or do I wait until the end? I have called the Trustee for advice but it is a Friday!

I wish you and your mother peace and comfort in this difficult time.
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Reply to Bridger46164
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Butterfly, be proud of yourself that you've made the effort; that's all you can do.   I would document the call though (date, time, and generally what your brother said).  

ReallyReal said it beautifully on wishing you and your mother peace and comfort during these challenging times.
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Reply to GardenArtist
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I have an older brother. He has not visited in Years. I consider myself an only child. He has not been involved with my parents since he was 18. He is 68 divorced 3 times. He has a daughter about 30 that we’ve never seen. My mother reached out when she was a young child, but her mother never responded.

My parents are nice, decent people. But they would not support his teenage drug and alcohol use. They sent him to rehab twice with no success. Bottom line you can’t make someone be involved if they don’t want to.
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Reply to Bridger46164
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Butterfly, I am so sorry that you are going through this and then your brother behaves so atrociously.

May you and your mom have peace and comfort during this difficult transition.

Great big warm hug for you!
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Reply to Isthisrealyreal
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Thank you for all of your support. Because of Covid-19 I cannot even bee with mom but I talk to her several times a day and the staff are excellent. They have promised that mom will not be alone.

I called my brother and he yelled, screamed and cursed me them hung up. I have done everything I can and I am not finished. The funeral will be very simple as mom wants instant cremation and buried beside my dad.
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Reply to Butterfly72
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pamzimmrrt Sep 12, 2020
Well you did what you could, and now you can let it go with a clear mind. Your brother sounds like a "right arsehole" and he will have to live with it.
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There's another aspect in that there's friction between you and your brother, and he's apparently not very cooperative.  Don't give him a chance to hassle you after your mother is gone.   Call him, leave him a message, or text him.  Then it's up to him to respond and he can't add another level of his complaints by accusing you of not notifying him.  

This is especially important if you're the Personal Rep or Executrix of Mom's estate.
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Reply to GardenArtist
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Your brother has made his choice. We can see this from your other post. The hospital has attempted to get in touch with him.
There are no death bed movie scenes in real life, or none that I have ever witnessed. Others have attempted to reach your brother and have informed you that he cannot be reached. Be at peace and concentrate now on the passing of your Mom, celebrate her life as much as you are able. Be at peace with her passing. Take care of what business must be taken care of. If you plan services text him a message as to where, when they will be. And that is the end of that. Let him get on with the life he has chosen. I wish you peace, and send my sympathy to you all.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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"https://www.agingcare.com/questions/how-do-i-notify-my-brother-that-mom-has-been-moved-to-a-personal-care-home-when-he-will-not-talk-to-459614.htm"

This is an on going thing with your brother. If the hospital cannot get hold of him you are going to need to let it go. He has made a choice not to keep in touch. Yes, Mom now is dying and you want him there for her but it may not happen. You need to do what you need to do for you. Try to contact brother if you want. Make the call, tell him Mom is dying or leave a message, then its his decision. You can't make him care. He will have to live with what he has done, not you. Again, you do what you need to for you. My brothers never went out of their way for my very loving mother. Her family was everything to her. I said nothing because they were old enough to make their own decisions. They have to live with that, I don't.
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DobermanLover Sep 11, 2020
This...when my Father was dying I called my brother, he didn't make it until he had already passed...that was his decision...only your brother can make that...he will or won't live with it...not yours to worry about.
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Let it go. Contact your brother now.
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