And what behaviors are not? If there is such a thing. The neurophycologist said it would be hard to tell. This would help me so much in dealing with my husband.

His angry outbursts, not sleeping, anti-social, moodiness. Dependency when I am home. How do you set boundaries when you are not sure where the behavior is coming from? I do sometimes lose it with his constant demands. There has got to be a way to live peacefully.

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I am caretaking my grandma with vascular dementia and she also has the anti social moodiness. She will be 100 this year and I have been her caretaker for over a year now. She is passive aggressive with her demands which are frequent. She goes through times where she does not remember much to times where she thinks she is still at her own home and gets angry easily.She doesn't sleep well although doc suggested melatonin which seems to help and may help your hubby. The constant changes in her mental status can be draining to me and I am always looking for helpful hints to relieve the stress. We also use an as needed anti anxiety med to help on really bad days. But always check with your doctor for whats best for your loved one.
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That’s a real tough one.
I’ve asked my Moms neurologist how I’ll know the difference between her stroke (bleeding brain), dementia or UTI’s. So right now they’re treating the dementia. We’re in the medication phase to see which one may possibly help. I hate this b/c then you have to go thru another personality change.
Has his Dr recommended seroquel (quetiapine) to relax him?
This is definitely a long hard road we’ve got in front of us!
I love this site b/c so many ppl feel your pain!
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My mother has narcissistic tendencies and now vascular dementia. I take a clue from how she acted before. Manipulating and verbal abuse she later denies at the same time remember other aspects of the same conversation = narcissism. Birds flying out of the litter box, fighting under her bed all night and biting the cat= dementia .

Sometimes it hard to tell but no matter the cause, if she’s on a tear and I can’t change the conversation, time to exit the area.

personally I cannot wait for the time she loses the ability to be manipulative and cruel and the dementia takes over the narcissism.
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I feel for you:( My mother has Vascular Dementia (VaD). By what you describe sounds like the same symptoms as I have went through with my mother.

I no longer try to figure out what is a personality disorder, what is her or what is VaD. I just can' was driving me crazy! Now. I just look at her behaviors as her/dementia. I know it probably isn't making sense...right?

This is what I have learned through this forum, research, and living with it!

My mother's brain is broken therefore, may not realize how she is behaving or/and she may not be connecting what she is doing or saying is causing hurt or pain. JoAnn who is on this forum along with others say, "they become children." So when my mother yells about whatever it is that has her upset I 1) ask her to calm down and talk to me. Sometimes this works and sometimes not so much. If she doesn't calm down I leave the room. If she was a child I would not let her have a tantrum and be her audience; therefore, I leave the room. When she calms down then I try to talk to her. Now, all of this depends where the person is with dementia (stages). My mother is somewhere in 3 to 4 and at times 5. So, she can still be reasonable at time and at other times--not so much. All of this is learning how to tell where your LO is at. Example, I know when my mother is not all there (fog, is what I call it) she answers in very short answers. Yes, no, I know! When she is lucid than she will answer in full sentences. Make sense? Have I lost you yet?
2) I don't try to reason with her. She believes whatever she believes. I only correct her if it is for safety issues.
3) I set my boundaries to what I can live with. Example, I will not let her talk to me any way she feels like--disease or no disease. So, if she is nasty to me I leave the room, if I have to I will go outdoors. Now this works if someone else is in the house or it is a day where my mother is to tired to get out of bed or walk downstairs.

Remember with VaD they have a damage heart so they don't have the energy to keep up with their outburst. So walking away is one of the best ways I have found that works for my situation. My mother is learning in a weird way that she won't get what she wants by yelling and being nasty. Plus, I Do Not jump every time she wants something. I know what she can do and not do. As people here have stated "it is best for them to do for themselves when they can." I set the rules or timeline as far as cooking, going to the store, etc...

It is pretty normal for them to sleep a lot. As far as the depression, anxiety, outbursts there is medications. I had my mother's Dr prescripted anti-depression and anti-anxiety and with some behavior teaching it has gotten better. This all takes time and it really is a learning curve.

I hope that this helps. VaD is very different from other dementias.

Check out this forum there is a lot of caring people here that have been a caregiver or is one that can help you on this path.

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Donvee Jul 2019
Very helpful. I appreciate your response. Thank you so much. Hugs back at you.
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I continue to be confused about this entire dementia thing. My step mother has been to 3 different doctors who specialize in this disease, none of them have given us clear cut answer about what is what, They also do the shuffle about whether she has dementia or Alzheimer's. Honestly, I don't think that they have a clue about what her behavior means. My husband, in the last stages of cancer, became very angry and abusive, it was a nightmare, he had been diagnosed with dementia several years before he died, I hope that you get a clear answer to your question.
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