The guardianship hearing is very near. How to shake a case of nerves?

The guardianship hearing is over. Now I await the final orders and then have to get a care/intention plan back to the court and continue with other duties already started.

Thanks all for your support.

By the way: No, the judge did not order my sister to pay back the money to SSA. Instead, money left from the roof has to be used. It'll not wipe out the entire debt but will help. Don't understand the logic of the judge on several issues but glad it is over.

Hi again. The hearing took place as scheduled yesterday but unfortunately did not come to a conclusion. In fact, the same two siblings that have caused drama for years now showed up and said they had no clue what the hearing was about, were not served in time, and wanted time to come up with enough money to get a lawyer. The judge quickly jumped on the request and pushed the hearing down to the middle of February.

However, I was granted an emergency guardianship/conservatorship that will be good for 60 days unless the judge changes his mind he says because there are a couple of lines he does not like in the guardianship degree so it may have to be redone before February. 

He ordered me to have the roof repaired on dad’s home after my sister yelled out in court she had an insurance check from a claim she had made on the home and that I refused to have dad sign and deposit into a joint account they had together at one time. She also stated that I should get the roof replaced as cheaply as possible and that any remaining money should go toward getting the utilities in the home caught up. The judge agreed with the exception of the bank account.

How can he order me to pay utilities where my dad does not live out of his social security check and out of a check that is to repair the roof? Someone, please tell me he misheard?

I knew the parents no longer had insurance on their home. So I went to the insurance company to check the origination of the check. Sister has a content policy on the home under her name although the check is made out to dad only. So the home office agent says after digging more something sounds off with how the check was obtained but guess if the court gave the okay to proceed. So then I went back to my attorney and he says let the bank decide first if the check is still valid and only if a problem is presented once at the bank would we report back to the court because the roof repair has to be made before February. Still don’t like the fact that this check is ill-gotten but will try to attend to it today.

Not only that but my sister after telling me for months she did not want dad back in his home, shouted out she wanted dad home with her but the judge did not make a decision to that statement.  After court, my hubby says to use my papers to force dad into a nursing home right away because it is just about the little bit of money that would help her keep her bills paid and to help her keep a decent home (although I know husband has his motives as well – getting him out of our home).

I agree but at the same time almost want to send dad home after the roof repair just to keep the peace that will never truly exist due to the two idiot siblings. I question if I really want to deal with this if he goes home. I feel like because I wanted to give dad a second even third chance that I’ve put myself back in the bed with these devils after I had walked away for almost a year. 

Got to run for now.

Answry, prayers for a good outcome Monday.

Be sure and tell the court that you need guidance from a social worker to ensure you are getting this right for dad.

I would also ask about a forced sale of the house so he can pay for facility care at a board and care or MC. Your sister shouldn't be able to stop him from getting the best care, in the best environment for him.

You got this!

I couldn't sleep the night before my guardianship hearing. Like you, I had never set foot in a court room except for jury duty. I'm also in my forties. And of course I had read all sorts of stories on this and other sites that had me imagining the worst case scenarios—being grilled on things like why I didn't answer the phone one time three years ago.

But once our hearing started it was over and done with in twenty minutes. I wasn't asked a single question or ever actually addressed by the judge. It truly was a formality, and the lawyers did all the talking.

The hard part comes afterwards, when things that you thought would be straightforward matters end up taking days and endless phone calls and emails to sort out. Nobody prepared me for that. I knew it would be hard, but I didn't know it would be this hard. Still, I'm hanging in there, and so can you. Pack plenty of patience.

I wish you luck.

I apologize for not posting an update. That is because the hearing is this coming Monday. Still playing out things in my head and hoping I say what needs to be said. I'm also tossing around what is best for dad still if guardianship is granted. His doctors are all saying how he has stabilized especially physically since earlier in the year when he first came out of the nursing home and hospital.

However, he'll still need someone to watch over him in his home and I'm not sure his other daughter (based on previous responses of her saying she doesn't want him back there) that lives there would be willing to monitor the waiver aides that would come in to make sure they perform most of their duties or help with meals or med reminders. Trying to figure out if I could make this work for him a while longer but in his home.

So that is also bothering me. What if he goes backwards medically right away if forced into a nursing home? We/he can't afford memory care or assisted living.

Thanks for checking on us! It means so much.

Answry, how are you doing?

Thanks all of you for the well wishes.

I understand the nervousness. I was there in your shoes.
Ask yourself these questions
Are you sure that he can not handle his own affairs?
Is there anyone else that would do it? And do a better job?
Becoming a Guardian is not an easy task and with it is a lot of paperwork. No one wants to take this on for "fun and profit"
The court does not want to become Guardian of anyone they would want family to take this on. So if no one else wants to become his Guardian and you are up to the task your petition will be granted. The hearing is just a legal formality.
Rest easy.

Nervous.. of course, that is totally natural!

I get nervous thinking about a distant day in the future having to navigate that...

I suppose I would get as organised as I could (paperwork etc) then try to distract myself with walks, music, long soak in the bath.

Follow Alva & Barb's advice 😊

I have read some guardianship accounts for training purposes (accessible to the public with names removed). Sadly many were for people suffering dementia, acquainted brain injuries, mental illness that lacked ability to live alone but could not recognise this. Where I live the legal act is for 'least restrictive measures'. So sometimes a person is allowed to give living independantly a go & then review. Many were reported by family/neighbours for self neglect, squalor, fire risk etc & then guardianship was granted.

Trying to uphold people's rights for themself is the priority - until it is not possible. So don't feel a failure if it doesn't go exactly as first planned. It is the process.

This is what I have told myself anyway. I have been pre-warned by the Doctor that my own relative will need to have 'failed' at living independently before the next steps can be legally made.

I do wish you all the luck I can & hope it is a good result.

Answry, so are you suing to become your father's guardian?

If you lose, that means dad gets to make his own decisions, correct?

If you win, you can force place him.

If you lose, it's no longer your problem-- dad is competent and doesn't need your help. You get to step away with your head held high.

I can certainly understand that going to court is nervous-making, but look at the end game and you may feel better.

Of course you would be nervous and they expect this. Feel free to say you have never done anything like this before and are nervous and frightened. I sure wish you good luck and hope you will update us that it has gone OK for you.