My Dad moved in with me in May just before he started chemo therapy for adenocarcinoma in his lung. They already did direct radiation on the lump but it spread into the lymph nodes. After 3 full rounds (i think 9-10 infusions) the cancer has not gotten any smaller. The last couple of weeks I've seen some very scary things with him. Times where he's staring at me and and not connecting with my words. Times where he can't say words because his throat seems to get in the way. He eats 1 meal a day, sometimes snacks, if it's chocolate cake. 😊 He sleeps 80% of the day and he uses the restroom maybe once or twice in 24 hours. I've been on the verge of calling an ambulance several times but waited because of Covid and I didn't want him to be alone. His Doctor recommended hospice care now, and they came today to talk to us. Dad is not ready for it, he just said he's not ready to die. And it killed me inside, because I'm not ready for that either but I think we're both at a point that we need the help. I don't want to make a life decision for my Dad because of my emotions or because I'm tired. How do you get over the guilt of accepting hospice when the patient isn't ready? Should I wait until he can no longer make the decision and just muster the strength until then?

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Like I have said several times on this forum, just because you go under Hospice care, it doesn't mean you are going to die tomorrow. My husband has been under their care for 21 months now. You just need to reassure him that you just need the extra help. They don't offer much as far as care, other than an aide will come twice a week to bathe him, and the nurse once a week. Most other services have been put on hold because of Covid. You and your family will still be responsible for his 24/7 care, but it will be an extra set of eyes on him.

I wouldn't wait on making this decision, because a little help is better than no help. And please don't feel guilty about your decision. You are doing what is best for your dad, and that is nothing to feel guilty about.
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Thank you. It's a lot of weight to carry making decisions like this.
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Having Hospice help does not mean Dad is ready to die, nor do they hasten his death.

The help is for you as much as it for Dad. You are not making a life or death decision for Dad, you are making a care giving decision that will provide help for both of you.
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