It’s been a hard few months for my grandparents, who lived at the same home for 65+ years. My grandpa (98) was truly in good health up until this spring. He developed aspiration pneumonia and was suddenly hospitalized in March. He never returned home - and after rehab, nursing home and multiple hospital stays, he passed away two weeks ago.
My grandmother (95) was also doing pretty well, considering, and insisted in staying home alone without wearing her emergency call button, despite many family members trying to convince her over and over otherwise. The morning of my grandpa’s funeral, we arrived to her house to pick her up and found her laying on the floor. She had broken her hip just 5 days after my grandpa’s death and required surgery. She’s since been moved from the hospital to rehab where she is absolutely miserable, being very mean to us (her family) and nursing staff, complaining about food/tv/temperature and refusing to even get up and move or try PT.
I really think she may be going through a mental health crisis (which I understand after so much happening in a matter of days), but I’m unsure of how we can help get things moving in the right direction. She heavily relied on my grandpa to take care of everything for 70 years, so she is grieving the loss of him and dealing with a very fresh reality of never returning home to everything she knows and loves. She is sure she’ll be home, even with no effort to get out of bed.
My family does not know what to do. She makes us all feel horrible when we visit everyday (this isn’t necessarily new, she’s been verbally abusive to my mom and aunt for years). We want to help, but also are losing steam as it’s been such a tough few months and everyone’s at their wits end with negative visits.
How can we all stay sane and help her at least try to recover from all this? She seems to want to just give up, but also lays on the “poor me” guilt to literally everyone she talks to - whether she knows them or not. I’m exhausted and at a loss. Bottom line: I could really use some advice on how we can get through this difficult time. Thank you in advance for any help you can provide!
I’m not unsympathetic to the shock she has been through but her daughters have lost their dad and have been through a lot in caring for him and now GM. It’s not easy to care for another 24/7 and when they are critical it’s miserable. Short and light visits and encouragement would be my contribution. Don’t sit around for the drama and complaining. It won’t help her nor anyone else.