Hi all, many thanks for the advice you all have given me with taking care of granddad. He is in remarkably good health after having his cancerous tumor removed from his leg.
Granddad, 84 with dementia, has urinated in a bucket besides his bed for years. Not showering for years? Fine, I can deal with that. My late grandma dealt with the bucket until she passed, and now it fell to me. Recently, he asked to move into a different bedroom which happens to have an attached bathroom with a toilet less than 6 feet from the bed. I gladly took this opportunity, moved him in there, and got rid of his bucket. I am so freaking tired of smelling stale, rotting urine in the house, it is disgusting, so I put my foot down. No more bucket. He has a hand urinal bottle for if he really needs to go.
He is perfectly ambulatory and walks all over the house during the day. Since I got rid of the bucket, he has been searching for new buckets. First, he went into his bathroom, removed the tiny trashcan next to the toilet with the plastic liner in it, and peed into it during the night. I brought it to him the next morning, full of urine, and asked "What is this?". His response? "If you don't like it, go somewhere else". I wanted to slap him. Disgusting. The next bucket was a plastic wash basin we use for cleaning the floors - I caught that before it was used. After going through the house, I removed every possible plastic bucket-shaped, basin-shaped object and hid them away.
Now, he gets up in the middle of the night and roots through the kitchen looking for a new "bucket". I caught him last night, and he tried to argue "Well what if I need to throw up and it comes too soon?". I told him "You can throw up in the toilet. Every time you have a bucket you pee in it". This did not satisfy him, he seethed about me "not being helpful" and he went to bed after whining that the ceiling fans were on.
It's just so silly. He's like a little kid, trying to pull a fast one on us. He doesn't throw up at night, he just wants a piss bucket. If he had paid US taxes when he worked, I would have had him placed in a facility months ago. I am fighting a war over piss buckets. Of all the things in the world, piss buckets. Maybe some of you can relate.
I’m sorry.
This is dementia.
You say that it is fine he doesn't bath, and that you were aware that your grandmother lived with this. You did knowingly then take him into your home.
You do not say here is there is a diagnosis of dementia, or if he HAS dementia?
You do not say here if you are his POA?
If living in your home is not working out for you due to this then it is time for Grandfather to be placed in care where he can receive the 24/7 care and supervision of several shifts with several workers each shift. You are otherwise down to having a covered bucket or commode at the bedside.
I don't think that you Granddad can live at home now; he needs to be in care where there are teams of folks and several shifts of care to watch over him. This isn't sustainable for a family to live in this.
Grand may need to return to his country of citizenship now. A family member will have to accompany him. I hope this is a country with a national health care service for his placement.
You need to go to your County Social Service office and speak with a Medicaid caseworker.
Sending hugs.