Follow
Share

Hi all, many thanks for the advice you all have given me with taking care of granddad. He is in remarkably good health after having his cancerous tumor removed from his leg.
Granddad, 84 with dementia, has urinated in a bucket besides his bed for years. Not showering for years? Fine, I can deal with that. My late grandma dealt with the bucket until she passed, and now it fell to me. Recently, he asked to move into a different bedroom which happens to have an attached bathroom with a toilet less than 6 feet from the bed. I gladly took this opportunity, moved him in there, and got rid of his bucket. I am so freaking tired of smelling stale, rotting urine in the house, it is disgusting, so I put my foot down. No more bucket. He has a hand urinal bottle for if he really needs to go.
He is perfectly ambulatory and walks all over the house during the day. Since I got rid of the bucket, he has been searching for new buckets. First, he went into his bathroom, removed the tiny trashcan next to the toilet with the plastic liner in it, and peed into it during the night. I brought it to him the next morning, full of urine, and asked "What is this?". His response? "If you don't like it, go somewhere else". I wanted to slap him. Disgusting. The next bucket was a plastic wash basin we use for cleaning the floors - I caught that before it was used. After going through the house, I removed every possible plastic bucket-shaped, basin-shaped object and hid them away.
Now, he gets up in the middle of the night and roots through the kitchen looking for a new "bucket". I caught him last night, and he tried to argue "Well what if I need to throw up and it comes too soon?". I told him "You can throw up in the toilet. Every time you have a bucket you pee in it". This did not satisfy him, he seethed about me "not being helpful" and he went to bed after whining that the ceiling fans were on.
It's just so silly. He's like a little kid, trying to pull a fast one on us. He doesn't throw up at night, he just wants a piss bucket. If he had paid US taxes when he worked, I would have had him placed in a facility months ago. I am fighting a war over piss buckets. Of all the things in the world, piss buckets. Maybe some of you can relate.

Find Care & Housing
Maybe you’ve won the bucket war, but from now on it’s one battle after another. The battle is about his obvious dementia. That’s what this is, and the war about the bucket is, well, a drop in the bucket.

I’m sorry.
Helpful Answer (3)
Reply to Fawnby
Report

This isn't silliness.
This is dementia.
You say that it is fine he doesn't bath, and that you were aware that your grandmother lived with this. You did knowingly then take him into your home.

You do not say here is there is a diagnosis of dementia, or if he HAS dementia?
You do not say here if you are his POA?

If living in your home is not working out for you due to this then it is time for Grandfather to be placed in care where he can receive the 24/7 care and supervision of several shifts with several workers each shift. You are otherwise down to having a covered bucket or commode at the bedside.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to AlvaDeer
Report

A small update, while I have been busily working on the issues outlined in the other thread, I am happy to report that it appears I have won the Bucket War. After removing literally every possible impromptu urine receptacle from the house, grandpa has learned to use the toilet again. It appears he has completely forgotten that he used to use a bucket by his bedside. He gets up during the night, uses the toilet, and goes back to bed with no issues. In case he has an emergency, he has a handheld urinal bottle from hospice at his bedside, and he has even taken the initiative to empty it himself. The house is clean and no longer smells of stale urine. Sweet, sweet victory.
Helpful Answer (4)
Reply to DCHelp
Report
MargaretMcKen Aug 24, 2025
Yeah!!!
(1)
Report
This is the face of dementia.
I don't think that you Granddad can live at home now; he needs to be in care where there are teams of folks and several shifts of care to watch over him. This isn't sustainable for a family to live in this.
Grand may need to return to his country of citizenship now. A family member will have to accompany him. I hope this is a country with a national health care service for his placement.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to AlvaDeer
Report

Never heard that because he never paid taxesbhebis not elligible for Medicaid. There are people that bring parents here from other countries. They never worked here either but are elegible for Medicaid after 5 yrs of residency. Your Dad is nor eligible for Social Security or Medicare if he never paid into them. Medicaid is not based on payroll deductions.

You need to go to your County Social Service office and speak with a Medicaid caseworker.
Helpful Answer (4)
Reply to JoAnn29
Report
DCHelp Jul 18, 2025
I will, thanks. Perhaps 4th time's the charm.
(0)
Report
Have you determined that he's not eligible for LTC Medicaid? Like, have you applied and been denied?
Helpful Answer (3)
Reply to BarbBrooklyn
Report
DCHelp Jul 18, 2025
Yes, 3 different Medicaid specialists have confirmed that he's not eligible as he never paid US taxes (green card permanent resident). I'm actually writing a post about that situation right now, it should be up shortly.
(0)
Report
Sorry you are going through this.

Sending hugs.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to Hothouseflower
Report

Trying to reason with a person with dementia is an impossible effort, he has no reasoning ability left. Yes, he’s like a little kid, that’s dementia. Yes, he’s obsessed with something ridiculous, that’s dementia. I don’t blame you a bit for being sick of the bucket and your attempts to change the habit. The bucket is very ingrained it seems and won’t go easily. I’m sorry for your experience in such a frustrating situation and hope you can find a new idea that works soon
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to Daughterof1930
Report
DCHelp Jul 18, 2025
Thanks for the kind words. His days are full of these little micro-obsessions, about whether a piece of trash in the neighbor's yard is a dress or someone "lying there", or whether we still have jobs, or whether I've spoken to my father (haven't in 10+ years). It's the same questions on repeat every single day. At the very least I consider myself blessed that he is not an angry terror like some caretakers deal with.
(0)
Report
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter