So if you've been keeping up with my other thread about Dad's bowels, I don't know what to do.

The AL staff and Hospice Nurse have been very helpful, but it's not like you can make someone NOT try to go to the bathroom. Dad is STUCK on thinking he needs to go when he really doesn't, so he's continuing to push. He says something is happening, but when I've checked there's nothing there (sorry to be so graphic).

This has now turned into a urinary incontinence issue, as the pushing has somehow affected his bladder. Today he is literally screaming in pain because of the hemorrhoids which he is exacerbating by his constant toilet visits.

His brain is broken. There's no reasoning with him to stay out of the bathroom and just ride it out. He says he's afraid he's going to soil himself which hasn't happened because HE DOESN'T HAVE TO GO.

I'm at my wits end, and I'm getting impatient. I'll say "Dad, I'm on my way over. Let's wait until I get there to go to the bathroom together..." He says OK, but guess where I find him less than 10 minutes later. He doesn't understand that he's hurting himself, and it's starting to irritate me that there's nothing I can do to end this fixation because he feels pressure.

To add insult to injury, he refuses to wear incontinence padding so he's literally peeing... everywhere and soiling LOTS of clothes.

In my head I'm like... can he REALLY have ANOTHER health issue?!?! Poor guy... but I'm sick of the bowel thing.

Hospice may be against it, but I'm tempted to take him to the hospital to see if they can do a procedure to clear his bowels... I'm still paying for the stroke bill and I really can't take time off work... for hemorrhoids.

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Well tonight he went to the other extreme. I visited him after work and there was loose stool everywhere. He was in the bathroom and was covered. I'm not sure how long he'd been there without being checked on which did little for my tired mood.

Of course, he was in excruciating pain. The nurse brought in Senna, and I asked her not to give it to him.

After a shower, I took his clothes to my house to wash them (he needs special detergent) and wondered what happened in the last two days. I saw Dad Sunday and his laundry hamper was empty. It was overflowing and all of his pants had BM stains on them. The AL has said nothing.

So... I gave Dad some clear Pedialyte (told him it was water) and asked them not to give Dad any more suppositories or Senna until things slow down. He's actually weak from this whole ordeal

So... I once again feel like "If they can't do it right, do it yourself", so I'm going to run up my cell phone bill using it as a hotspot tomorrow so I can sit with Dad and work from my laptop (they can't spell wifi at the AL) and monitor him myself

According to the hospice nurse, I'm not popular at the AL, but who cares? It's literally a case of me cleaning up their mess and until I can get him outta there, I'm gonna have to watch their every move. I'm so frustrated.

Incidentally, the hospice nurse gave dad a rectal exam Monday and said she couldn't get "far" due to the hemorrhoid swelling but she returned loose stool on her glove. I question why she would then increase Senna and suppositories...

They gave Dad Ativan tonight, and I am going to see to it that he has it tomorrow when I'm there. It's a crying shame I spend $5K a month for this place (and the proposed added incontinence fee) and I end up doing most of the work myself.

Counting the days...
Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to anonymous262233

He probably feels the hemorrhoids especially if swelling. Ask if there is something that can be used to shrink them.
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Reply to JoAnn29

Oh, Tiny. Poor Dad. Poor you. Dementia and obsession go hand in hand. Unfortunately Dad’s obsession is causing him physical injury and much pain. The tests to see if he’s impacted are a good idea. But I have to think that as long as he’s frantically obsessing about this, his physical pain and symptoms won’t disappear.

Can you ask his nurse about an anti-anxiety med, as Sue suggested? If you turn down his anxiety over this obsession, it may give his body a chance to heal.
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Reply to Ahmijoy

Tiny, I'm thinking that he's feeling the "pressure" of the hemorrhoids are making him feel the need to have a BM, therefore "needing" to push, which is only exasperating the issue, and making his hemorrhoids even worse, it's a vicious cycle, add in his broken brain, and I'm sure you are going crazy trying to figure it out! Can he be seen for the hemorrhoids specifically, by the in house Dr or Hospice Nurse, to somehow get the "sensation" of needing to go so frequently?

Ask if there is a ointment or cream, that NUMBS the "protrusions", AND shrinks them down, or if they are extremely large and irritated, I know that there is a procedure/in office treatment, where they excise them, placing little rubber bands around them (hemorrhoid banding), where after a short time, they shrivel up and fall off.

Obviously he needs to ge cleaning his bum, after every attempt, whether he goes or not, the TUCKS brand medicated wipes work well for that, but he needs to be consistent, Every Time, as any tiny bit of excrement will only make him even more irritated, and exacerbate the problem. I think you might even be able to "tuck" a clean TUCKS pad up against his bum for added relief, but be sure to check the label instructions to be certain! Check with his Dr on this too!

I have assisted in this simple procedure in the Family Medicine Drs office, many times before, and it really helps! I'm sure that a lot would depend on how your Dad would comply with a procedure like that. It might be necessary for him to be seen by a Gastroenterologist, but it's simple really!

Another thought is, are you Certain that he isn't Constipated or Impacted? A simple X-ray of his lower GI would be able to show this. Also, I'm sure that others have chimed in, but trying keeping his bowel movements somewhat soft and regular, would help to allow his hemorrhoids to heal faster, along with whatever treatment his Dr/RN are providing him for relief. MIRILAX, an over the counter stool softener works really well for most people who have constipation issues, as well as reconstituting 2-3 dried prunes overnight, and have him eat them every morning for breakfast, which gently adds a little fiber to his diet, as you don't want to give him too much roughage too fast, or you will really bung him up! Over treating any constipation, or giving him diarrhea would make his hemorrhoids even worse, it's a fine line from smooth movement, to way to diarrhea like, Ugggg!

Anyways, those are a couple of things You can run by his Dr/RN to try, and see if they are something that they might go along with to give him some relief. Good luck, I'm sure that this is So frustrating for you both!
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to staceyb

Your dad may be experiencing gut spasms. There are many antispasmodic drugs available (called anticholinergenics) that may help him. People with Irritable Bowel Syndrome take these meds. You can also add (with doctor's permission) probiotics and peppermint oil to his diet. That usually calms down the gut.

For the hemorrhoids-either hem. cream or suppositories. They actually reduce the swelling of hemorrhoids while relieving pain. Not many people feel comfortable with a cold pack right against their "elimination area".

Also, maybe an antianxiety med so he can relax and be more calm.

When was his last normal movement? Is there a chance he could be impacted?
Helpful Answer (3)
Reply to SueC1957

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