I'm sure this will be controversial to some, but our family is divided on this topic. Mom is 90. She was a very independent person, active in church, used to teach line dancing at senior centers, loved her sweets, loved doing family gatherings with lots of food, and loved the freedom of jumping in her car and going anywhere she wanted to go. That was 4 or so years ago. Diagnosed with dementia/Alz and can no longer drive. Has diabetes and can no longer have sweets, Cooking and eating are now basic limited and she gets no enjoyment from either. She has talked for more than a few years that she is ready to 'go home'. Her typical day is to go to mass every morning, after which she comes home and sits in her recliner. Gets up for lunch (usually a sandwich), then goes back to the recliner or goes to lay down, repeat at supper, and then to bed. She has several of us who are in and out, providing 24x7 care. One sister insists that we push to keep her "healthy", and closely monitors everything she eats and drinks. Another sister is more inclined to give her whatever she wants, but after years of this same routine, she rarely asks for anything different. Personally, I would prefer to tell her to forget all the rules and do whatever will give her some joy. Want Maple Nut goodies? Here is the bag, go for it! Want to go take a walk on the beach. Let's go! Want to turn on some music and dance? Big band or country! Bottom line, what is the purpose of life if not to live?
Your words, Not mine: I AGREE. She is 90... let her live life ... Let nature take its course.
Have fun play music.. laugh, cry, smile. enjoy the time with her... You have family - backup.... I did not the last year.....
I would say the same thing to your mom at her age. Let her be happy in her final years. And I would say the ones who don’t agree with that, need to think about how they will care for her 24/7/365 keeping her alive for years to come. Sounds selfish to me.
Don’t get me wrong, I love my mother to death, and if she were 60 or 70 I would be watching her like a hawk. But I really believe with all the medical marvels and drugs , people are living way past their expected lifetime, to what , lay in bed and be more or less a vegetable because their bodies have failed them? Just my opinion. Good luck!!
Sometimes I just don't understand doctors... my grandma is on deathwatch now, no food nor water for 4 days so far, and heavy morphine. However she still has terrible anxiety but the Dr ordered her anti-anxiety meds removed as "they interact badly with the morphine."
WTF. She has days left, for real, and they are leaving her whispering "help help help help" on repeat while she dies over days, because 2 meds don't interact well?
That's taking caution too bloody far!! What risk are they reasonably hoping to mitigate?
Prayers that she will pass soon.
I sort of started my own palliative care plan. Mom has a fall, yes, we need xrays. But I quit the never ending doc visits. A podiatrist came through once a month, they got routine checkups by an RN or NP.
Docs need to learn what your car mechanic does. At some point it doesn’t make sense to put a new tranny in a car with 200 K miles and lots of rust.
I also was afraid they’d outlive me. After a series of horrible falls mom died about 1 1/2 years ago. Dads still hanging on in memory care. He’s 89 and doesn’t limp as much as me when we take a walk.
A few months ago at the doctor's, my 91 year old mom told the doc that she didn't like using her oxygen (supplemental at night) or her inhaler for COPD because it gave her a sore throat and nose bleeds. She also doesn't like the diuretics because she keeps having accidents. The doctor gave mom her blessing to stop taking all of it. Privately the doctor told me that mom's meds are the very smallest of band aids. At this point, mom has congestive heart failure (20% function), MGUS - a blood disorder that won't kill her but causes severe bone pain all over her body, COPD, and fronto-temporal dementia. Daily mom is in pain, depressed, angry, paranoid, and confused. As the doctor put it, this is only going to get worse and her quality of life is already poor. If the meds she's taking have side effects that make her feel bad and aren't really preventing further deterioration, what's the point? I hugged that doctor that day. It was sanest, most humane attitude I've seen in any health professional yet. At a certain point, it's time to let go, enjoy whatever time you have left and accept that to everything there is a season. Peace.