This concerns my mom who has moderate alzhiemers and parkinsons. She has been in assisted living for six months or so. I/we have talked to nurses, Administrator, Director of AL and Director of nursing at about getting his evening medicine at 7:30. There is one nurse that constantly is late with her meds in the evening. When we ask her if she can give them to her she controls the time and states when she has time. She has lied to is about her orders and care of my mom, when we ask questions. We had a mtg., which this is like 3-4th mtg. The leadership told me we were mtg with my mom in her room. I told them that I do not want my mom in the mtg so to not upset her. She is anxious and does not want to upset anyone. And is constantly saying she doesnt want anyone to get in trouble! Despite my objection the administrator said she needs to be in the mtg. I am his POA and guardian and take care of everything for her. The admin said she needs to be deemed incompetent and thats another form. My mom has not been in previous mtgs. with us. She dismissed my request and had already told my mom about the mtg., 5 minutes before. As well as when I found out in the hallway. My mom was visibly confused and stressed about this mtg. I did not tell her. So... after this happens in the hallway, we go in the room and the admin. starts by telling me my email has been blocked and we need to communicate verbally. I was taken back and said, "I have a big concern with that!" She said well, they dont want to miss an email because then it may become a liability if they dont investigate it and get back to me. This is a true but unbelievable excuse- really? I stated I always follow up with communication etc. I have probably emailed maybe 6-7 times since she has been there. And constantly been told to call, text or email. And we know they really just dont want a complaint to be tracked. Then of course the mtg. felt like a reprimand mtg. rather than a positive- productive mtg. on the caring for my mom. I had friendly caregivers with me because they assist her when she gets anxious etc about her medicine. We pay them to be there with her in the evening time. Basically helping the nurses etc with their job! During the mtg. we were told by the admin she's not going to allow us to dictate their job. Which is absolutely NOT what we are trying to do! I dont care about anything else other than my mom getting her medicine so she can go to bed. If she wants to go to bed at 7:30 she should be able too!! My mom private pays about 6k for this. I have concerns that my email was blocked for no reason. I stated at the beginning we all have the same goals and thats to offer good care for my mom. I also said that my concerns have been addressed, however we are getting mixed messages about time of her evening medicine with one particular LPN. This just doesn't sit right with me... blocking my email, no wonder they didnt respond when i sent one a few days ago, and if my mom wants her evening medicine at 7:30 instead of 8:00 she should be able to get it. Of course if theres an emergency it something that is totally understandable! My mom is level 3 care, she deserves to go to bed and wake up when she wants too. I feel like AL wants her to sleep all night so they want her to stay up later and she just cant! There has been other issues with this LPN and they have been legitimate and have been addressed. Except this evening medicine. Other co workers have complained about her holding back my moms medicine. Thoughts?!
That might very well be part of why the AL is being difficult. And yeah, sounds like this AL isn’t the best one. Not sure that you would want to keep mom there anyway.
Good luck.
Your mom is OK with flexibility but you do not. Plus you are not the patient.
To be honest there is only one thing for you to do here and this is to go through meetings with the administration until you can come to compromise, but be aware, there is no perfection in aging care. None whatsoever. And if you insist there be, then you will soon enough hear "Perhaps you and mother are not happy here; we encourage you to explore other living options for her".
That is where I see this going. Insisting on our rights is all well and good, but the sad truth is that in life many (most?) of us do not consistently GET what is within our rights to EXPECT. That's just a fact. Sometimes we are down to doing the best that can be done in a situation that is individual to us and to our loved ones. I can but wish you the very best of luck.
No nursing home will be able to meet your exacting standards. They must juggle the needs of multiple patients, and do not provide one on one care.
You may find a nursing home you are happier with. Try and let go, be the patient's advocate without micromanaging how the facility does their job.
You will probably not be satisfied unless you hire a one-on-one nurse to care for your mother to your standards.
IMHO this facility will soon tell you that, because you are so very unhappy with this facility, it is time for your loved one to move to a facility where she will be happier.
And either your mom is competent and should be included in the meetings, or she is NOT competent and only you meet with management; that, as they told you, requires another document.
On the face of all you write I don't imagine that you will adapt to the utter imperfection of elder care. Clearly management is about at the end of their rope with your actions. If you want one on one care then you will have to hire on one-on-one care or BE one on one care.
If mom is getting her meds at 8 instead of 730, well, it could be worse. Sometimes we have to look at the big picture and decide if this is really the hill we want to take a stand on.