I want to thank everyone who supported me on my journey with my husband of 50 years who had vascular dementia and congestive heart failure.

The wonderful thing about about having family, your children and and grand children, is that you can focus your love for your husband, and transfer it to your family.

I will be a sole-ager and will not be as lucky as you when my LO passes.

Reap God’s Blessings.

Check your local places of worship for a group called Griefshare. It is for close friends and family of loved ones who have passes. You'll find you're not the only one with "survivor guilt". It tales time to adjust to your new reality without your husband. You may feel joy that he no longer has the pain and problems of this world. while you also miss him. That conflict creates the guilt.

Did you make the best of the time and opportunities you had? Yes, some things needed to go by the wayside and not every day went as planned.

Did you love and care for this man to the best of your abilities? Not perfectly, since no one can ever do that.

Are you in a good place to now care for your needs? If not, make the changes you need to heal.

Sorry for your loss 🙏🏼 Condolences 💕....Please do not do this to yourself. Take care of yourself now. Hugs 🤗

I’m very sorry for your loss. Please remember all the things you did for your husband and remember not a single one of us is perfect.

I am so sorry for your loss.

Donvee, my deepest condolences for your loss.

So sorry for your loss. God bless you.

You have endured a great loss. Deepest condolences.

Oh, the guilt - the woulda shoulda couldas! I know this feeling so well.

At some point I realized that feeling guilty was a way for my mind to think that I had more control and power in the situation than I really did. Feeling guilty implied that there was something I could have done to fix the situation; in reality, there was nothing I could do to prevent his death.

With time you will learn to let it go, to acknowledge to yourself everything you did do, and to understand how little you could do to stop the inevitable. That's the hardest, saddest part.

Take it in small doses - try to practice forgiveness toward yourself a little bit every day. Know you did your best in a situation that had no good possible outcome.

Hugs!

I am sorry for your loss. The "what ifs and should haves" can drive us crazy. We all have them and the "if only", but the truth is, it is much easier to look back and see where we could have done things differently. The old saying, "hindsight is 20/20" is true. But in the moment--making quick decisions, having a million things on our mind, running around doing what needs to be done...well, we do the best we can with what we have at that time.

Stop beating yourself up. You did what was right. Tell yourself that every time the "what ifs" come into your head. It takes time and give yourself that time. You did exactly what you were suppose to do.


Again, I am sorry!
Hugs!!!

You did what you could at the time. Give yourself a break and don't beat yourself up about what you could have done better. We could all do more, in hindsight. But dealing with the day-to-day of caregiving is challenging and all we can do is our best. It's never perfect and that's OK.

Sorry for your loss.

Donvee, heed WindyRidge's advice.    The caregiving, then dying, then caregiver recovery process is a complex, emotional and challenging experience, with wide swings from the frustration of caregiving to the recriminations after death., not to mention the basic fact that you really miss him.  

I think most of us do what we can during the last years and end of life stage, then are subject to the drastic shock of losing someone forever, which starts the self questioning period.

What we may think we should have done as we think back over the last years more than likely wasn't physically possible during our love ones' lives.    It's as if a portion of our mind opens up to reveal actions which we in our guilt and sadness think we could have done.  In actuality we probably couldn't have accomplished those tasks.

So please try to reach back beyond the last years to remember the good times you shared, what you learned from each other, and how your husband enriched your life, as well as all the things you did to enrich his.

And take plenty of time off when you don't feel like dealing with the estate issues.     You'll feel better after some down time, doing something you enjoy but couldn't do while caring for him.

Donvee, it just takes time. My mom died over a year ago. Her last months were horrible, bad falls, broken bones......

After her death I had the whole menu of emotions, guilt, I should have done this or that, used such and so med.......

Anger at her stubbornness in refusing any help or moving until it was practically too late, all the long drives home dealing with one crisis after another......

But all these months later I’m starting to have the good memories of my mom again, memories of when she was a good mom and capable and kind person.

And I also realize that I did the best for her that I could. I don’t second guess myself anymore.

This is the hard stuff you’re going through. You’ll make it. Most all of us do.

So very sorry to hear this. There is a wonderful page on FB, Road Widows/Road Warriors. It is for all widows, not just those who RV. I belong as I lost my husband 12 years ago.