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You are absolutely doing the right thing. I firmly believe everyone should pay their own way, and if you were not there chances are your mother would have to pay someone else far more than she is paying you. Just make sure that you set it up with a proper contract so that the money counts as pay and not a gift if your mom ever needs to apply for government assistance. You should also have a frank discussion about how much personal care you are willing or able to handle and what your plans are when you reach your limits.
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I understand how you feel. I've struggled with the same feelings, but if you ask yourself - "would you expect your children to take care of you without compensation"? I think you'll come to the same conclusion I have and that it's perfectly fine to ask, especially if your parent has not offered. I know if my kids were doing for me what I do for my mom . . . If I had the resources I would be offering a generous monthly payment and be very grateful. So, don't feel guilty for asking. You deserve it.
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if you are doing everything for your mother...she should turn over her whole ssi check!! it's the hardest job you will ever have! or...put her in a convalescent home and she can pay $7 thou a month! good luck...take the money!
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I recently had to take my mother into our home. We went to see an Elder Attorney together. One of the first things this attorney said to me is that I was due compensation. This is your legal right and there is nothing at all wrong with it. Keep records of everything.
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We set up Payroll for my wages ~ I am a W2 hourly employee and we have a caregiver contract that outlines duties I will preform. I save all receipts ~ I do have a credit card for my mother that i use for her specific purchases ; ie groceries, clothing, prescriptions. I track my daily activities for her via a chart and track mileage....This all came from our attorney as the best way to handle.
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Yes it is right to do!
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I think setting up a "contract" with what is expected of you and of her is the way to go.
You can outline what you can and can not do.
She can tell you what she expects of you.
What you can not agree on you must get "outside" help to come in and do what you can't do.
You must also draw the line at the point where you can not care for her any longer. She will know that that is the point where you begin to talk about placement in Assisted or Memory Care or get "outside" help in 24/7 for her safety as well as yours.
Just as a facility will charge more for the more work they have to do you could also write that into the contract.
You are lucky that this can be done, I was caring for my husband and a spouse can not get paid for the care that they do.
And do not think that placing her in a facility when and if the time comes is a failure on your part. It will be in the contract that you have both agreed to from the start.
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I'm now 62, in Ohio, and I took care of my mom at home for the years 2015 and 2016 with a simple homecare contract set up by mom's eldercare lawyer for $12/hr, 40 hours per week (the lawyer charged me $1000 for this). Mom could well afford to pay, plus I had lost my job, so this worked out for both parties very well. I've certainly been grateful for the arrangement, never felt guilty or bad about it. Long story short, I'd paid in my estimated taxes as per usual (always have them done at the same place) for that first year but was told by the tax preparer that I should NOT have paid and was actually reimbursed (I protested this, still scared to death Uncle Sam will come after me, and I have returned that money to my savings just in case). I'm expecting to be able to do the same for the second year. I discontinued the homecare contract as we placed mom in memory care in January 2017 (she was hospitalized with pneumonia, has worsened generally but is fine at this point, and memory care is working out very well). I will be managing now on social security and my pension but am holding my breath on the tax thing for 2016. I will be having our taxes done in March and am sure hoping the rules have stayed the same for me for that second year. Will know soon.
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Seems like a lot of people are stating they have been set up as employees of the person they are providing care for. This is unnecessary. Check out the tax info on IRS.gov. Caregivers of family members are self employed and should receive a 1099 to report income to IRS, but in MOST cases, if they do not provide care as a career to anyone else, the income is not taxed. Like I said, refer to IRS.gov for Caregiver info AND consult an attorney. Even logically speaking, why should you be taxed for a service you are providing for a family member that most likely keeps them out of the social services bureaucracy?
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I checked with an attorney here in New York, and definitely yes, you should establish a "Caregiver Contract/ Agreement", between you and your Mother.
I finally received this information last year,... and it makes a huge difference. There are databases online in which you can find out the range and median costs of homecare in your state. What we do, every day and night for our loved ones, should definitely be compensated. They receive excellent care AT HOME, at a fraction of assisted living or nursing facility costs.
Take care... :)
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