My mom passed in November. Her last day she had terminal agitation. I am having a struggle getting past that day. Very upsetting. Hospice did help with checking for pain, poop and pee and provided medication. I am speaking with a hospice counselor. Has anyone experienced that and, if so, how did you overcome the experience of witnessing terminal agitation? Is time the only thing that heals?
I feel like you. I have two grown daughters. I have already told them that I don’t expect them to be my caregivers should I need help in the future.
Wishing you peace as you continue on in life. My father had a stroke. Strokes are life changing. I watched my dad go from being independent to needing help. It’s hard.
Just to update you, the poster’s mom has died.
Wishing you peace as you heal and move forward.
Personally, I may have driven myself crazy if I rehashed and rehashed the things I did right and the things I did wrong caring for my mother. I had to chose sanity.
I think of my memories as thoughts in a shoebox that I can pull off the shelf to spend time visiting and then I can put them away.
I suggest you meet with a grief therapist and release the images and sounds of your mother's last day.....................rest in peace and acceptance. The Five Stages of Grief is a good topic to read up on. Learning to meditate can help you move along. I have done quite well on Mindfulness Meditation (guided).
Thank you for the therapist suggestion. That is very helping.
Set yourself free from depressing thoughts. Take care.
I'm so sorry for your loss.
My best wishes to you and I am so very sorry for your loss and your pain, and so grateful you were with your Mom. This is very new. Give yourself some time and remember to remember the beauty and the joy.
Undoubtedly your mother wouldn't want you to feel tormented and I'm sure she wants you to find peace, just as she found peace after taking her last breath. I don't know any specifics about your mom's situation, what she was dying from or what she'd been like previously in order to comment on any of that or the agitation she experienced prior to death while on hospice. I've been told hospice provides a peaceful passing and I know that's what many on this forum have experienced, but apparently not all. I'm not in a position to be able to speak to this myself, but what I can do is express my deepest compassion for you.
I understand all too well about grief and the devastation of loss and I'm so sorry for the turmoil you are feeling. It's an awful place to be and I'm glad you're reaching out for help & advice.
I think Funkygrandma59's advice is good and I don't know if you're a person of faith or not, but if you are, perhaps you can pray for God to give you the internal peace you need and perhaps a vision of your mom at peace now. It may not be immediate, but I know God is able to do this for you if you ask and believe. For me, thinking about where my deceased family members are now and how I will see them again in God's presence has been helpful.
If faith is not your thing, or even if it is, an additional suggestion for you is to seek out and join a grief support group. When my brother tragically died at age 20, this is something my mom and I participated in and definitely found it most helpful to regularly meet with others who were all going through the same experience of losing an immediate familly member.
Group leaders taught ways to process what's happened and work through the different emotions which come along with the passing of someone so close. I recall many talking about their struggles with the last time they saw their loved one, or what was said or done just prior to their passing. The group offered a healthy way to work through these things, which sometimes does take time, but group support was extremely helpful and became more so as the weeks wore on.
In my area, it was the hospital who sponsored the grief support group program I was involved with,..although it wasn't the hospital itself who ran the program. Perhaps this is something you can inquire about.
My thoughts and prayers are with you.
My husbands last 4 weeks of his life were horrific, as his pain and agitation were off the charts and hospice wasn't able to help with either, though I guess I can say they tried.
After my husband died I felt like I was suffering from PTSD, from all that I had seen and witnessed with him.
Thankfully 3 months later, my husband appeared to me while I was sleeping(yet I woke to actually see him)and he appeared much younger, healthy, tan, and best of all smiling at me. It was then that I knew he was ok, and now when the visuals of his last days try to creep in, I immediately replace it with the smiling face of him that came to visit me in the middle of the night.
So hang in there. This too shall pass.
God bless you.