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I am about to put my mother into an assistant living/retirement place, We go tomorrow to have an assessment done on her, I have not told her cause I know it will anger her to know that I can no longer take care of her, what is the best way to let her know this is going to be where she going to be staying?

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Your Mom sounds pretty advanced. Fear is a powerful force, but can be overcome. She'll probably know something is up, but if you remain calm and reassuring, this might be an easier process for her. She may forget when you get out the door what the meeting was about too. This illness is not painful for them, just for us. I found with my Mom, she doesn't really remember as much as I thought she would. So when I asked for help, she was mad, but then forgot about being mad, because 'new people' were visiting her. :)
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My mom is always looking for me, she lives with me, when we go to my daughters house, and if I step out side for a moment she is wondering where I am, I know that she has made the comment of not putting her in a home, and it was said in not a so nice way... I know that she is going to be lost with out me... I also know that she is going to know that something is up when we go tomorrow... I guess I am just scared of how things are going to go
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This will depend totally on how advanced your Mom is. For instance, a few months ago, my Mom was very distressed by my 'disappearance' every day when I went to work. Our Caregiver had to distract her and Mom's relief that i 'reappeared' in the evening was evident. A few weeks ago, I was able to drop Mom off at an old friend's home and leave her for a few days. She asked a lot about me, but was not distressed. Your Mom might be momentarily distressed or upset, but anger isn't usually a lasting feeling with this illness. I think deep down our folks know we are doing the best we can. The very best to you, while you start this new phase of your journey.
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