Follow
Share

My mother-in-law is in the early/moderate stages of Alzheimer's. She lives alone and handles all her finances. Recently, however, she has been forgetting to pay her rent and her utilities. She plays catch up on the utilities but not the rent so eventually there will be repercussions. My husband and I are going to talk to her this weekend about taking over her finances completely. She is an independent stubborn woman and we are trying to figure out the best way to have this discussion without causing too big a riff. All suggestions are welcome!

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Find Care & Housing
If the person agrees, of course you can!
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Without a court's approval, you can't just walk in and tell someone you are taking over their money and I would definitely advise that you do NOT redirect her mail to your address as someone suggested as this is a federal offense. Treat her with respect.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

lol
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

sure
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

I think all these anawers were great-now does anyone one want to take over my financies.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

I agree with being discreet. My daughter, who is helping with my mom gently reminded me not to use the phrase, "remember mom, we changed the address or whatever I want her to remember. Just calmly answer the question 50 times. It makes life so much sweeter. We, too just changed the addresses on some of the more important bills.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

All these answers are good and I would like to add one suggestion: when an elder is suffering dementia or Alzheimer's, JUST CHANGE THE ADDRESS ON THE BILLS and don't tell them. They wont remember and it saves a potentially huge battle. Should they mentioned that the bill isnt arriving, then you sweetly a) remind them that they agreed to have the address changed so you could pay the bills for them, or, 2) just look surprised and say you will check into it. Sometimes, the most loving and efficient way of handling a parents declining capabilities is to just quietly take charge and change what you can, saving the discussions and arguments for really important things. This also allows them not to feel the disgrace of becoming incapable of managing their own lives.

However, this certainly illustrates the importance of EARLY planning with POA's and being on joint checking accounts.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Thank you all for the answers! We already had a POA in place. We went to see her yesterday and did phrase the discussion as "this is making her life easier" Surprisingly, she went along with it! Hopefully, she will remember the discussion. I have already changed her address on her rent statement so she will not receive the bills. Thank you again!
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

May I suggest Bill Pay? Paytrust is similar. You do have to get her permission. Before anything happens, she should sign a POA over to you.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

The above suggestions are very good. I would frame the discussion as having found a way to make bill paying simpler for her and I would absolutely not use the phrase "taking over her finances'. Does anyone have power of attorney for finances? If not that should be a second conversation, a few weeks from now when the automated bill paying shas gone smoothly.

When you have the POA for finances discussion it is also time to have the durable POA for health care discussion.

Some things to consider: is you husband the only child? If not, do his siblings agree it is time for this change; can he make them allies? Does his mom have a trusted friend or advisor whom can be made an ally?

Best of luck with the discussion
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Can you put her payments on an automated service like Paytrust? If the payments are made from an account that is "fed" by direct deposit, you MIL won't need to do anything.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

If you do not think she will accept having her finances taken over, perhaps you all sit down together and determine the due dates for her bills and you can remind her ahead of time the due dates with a follow up phone call to ensure payment of these bills.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.