I visited my mother today, taking tulips to cheer her up. She immediately started on (again) about buying a house, getting a housekeeper and "getting out of here" (NH). She thinks our previous cleaning lady will give up her home, well paid job and sideline business to live with her and care for her 24/7 just for "rent free". She can't sit up or stand. I told her when she can walk properly we'll talk about it but, until then, it's like talking about Christmas and it's only March. She continued to carry on and I threatened to leave so she calmed down and we had a nice visit. Thank goodness I changed my phone number so I don't have this continual ranting every day!

I also got bashed over the head about how I "rushed" to sell her house and put her in a NH. Excuse me? I gave up my home and career ... my whole life ... to care for you for four hellish years, trapped in a freezing basement with no income.

She's been in the NH since November 2012. Shortly after she broke a hip - her faulty entirely. Didn't want to drink her protein shake and tried to hide it on top of a wardrobe, turned and fell. I asked the docs in the hospital if she'd ever walk again and they said "Well, we have seen miracles" which means no and she's been unable to walk ever since.. She also had another stroke a few months ago. There are a lot of activities and a library at the NH but she stays in her room all the time, plotting, planning and complaining about the care she receives, which is stellar.

Yep, each time I visit it's mind blowing and I won't visit again for at least a week. Tonight I'll have a glass or two of wine, curl up in front of tv with my beloved dogs and cats and get to bed early. Tomorrow is another day.

I plan to go with the "when you can walk" tactic. Of course, with that, she may constantly be trying, falling and carted off to hospital and that will be the end of her.

So what to do? Maybe the visiting doctor can straighten her out but probably not. I tell her "when you can walk well" and she's going to be getting out of bed/wheelchair constantly trying to achieve it, fall and possibly next time it will be fatal. Too bad. I've had a lifetime of her narcissistic, mean, manipulative cr*p and she's been dead to me forever.

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Thanks for the replies. Guess I'll just go with the threatening to leave if she starts kicking up. It's her dementia coupled with life long narcissism. She does indeed need care 24/7 and demands instant service. Before I left yesterday she needed to pee. I said ring for assistance but, no, she was adamant she could get there by herself and managed to slither off the bed into her wheelchair - "Never mind, when the (bed) alarm goes off they'll soon come running".

The majority of the residents appear to have dementia/alzheimers and the last couple of visits there was a lot of yelling going in. Hard of hearing and keeping her door closed, it doesn't bother my mother but I find it quite disturbing. Do they not medicate when people get out of control?
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Do whatever you have to do to keep YOUR sanity and health. She's past the point of doing anything about her dreams and let her talk and just turn a deaf ear or don't visit her as much. Take care of yourself at this point. And come on here to vent when she gets to you.
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oh my favorite instance of " deny everything " .
cop show, black kid on the curb with his kicks full of heroin. he denied having heroin then denied that those were his shoes. i could learn a lot from that kid. lol..
elder care is a trip. you give them control of everything around them till their dying breath if possible, but there are occasions where you have to present the only two options. sounds like your mother needs 3 shifts of care. you cant do that..( imo ) . make mother as comfortable as possible where shes at and tell her the facts. ( our family cant do this alone ) ..
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Ash; Shine her on. Fib away. It's what keeps us sane at this point of the game. Doing the same with my mom "we'll see when the snow melts"
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